TOMMY’S VIEW

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How Black Men & Women Disconnect

So many of my girlfriends complain about black men and even more black men complain about the poor choices available among black women.  The truth is there has been too much sugar-coating when it comes to the facts about what is really keeping black men and women apart.

Ladies, one of the main reasons why black men may not be attracted to you is behavior.  Yes, when you go off in the customer service department in Walmart or have to get your point across it translates to masculine behavior.  Now, you may ask what does this have to do with anything?  In a man’s mind, he realizes that you are combative and therefore you are perceived as someone that may not be worth having a relationship with, but qualified to only have sex with.  I have heard this from so many black men about this one particular behavior.  And being loud, rude, and cursing is that stereotype that some men may like for entertainment and sex, but not to come home to every night.

Guys, one of the main things that ladie hate is infidelity and you know that a nice piece of ass is hard for some of you to pass-up.  The problem for most of black women is when a guy does not necessarily want a relationship, but would like friends with benefits and the booty-call.  Sadly, so many black women have been in so many dysfunctional relationships that having a piece of a man is the norm.  Yes, and some of us ladies get pissed when we see a brother with a white woman without understanding why,  As women, we are quick to make assumptions about guys based on the actions we see, but more on intuition.

Here is a scenario that Jausan pointed out that makes sense, so many black women may be the achievers in the household in respect to holding down a job and therefore when we look for a partner most often the educated types are already taken in some way form or another.  The guys left in the dating pool are mostly sub-standard with criminal records, baby mommas, drama, and all that goes with it.  So, a good percentage of us wind-up settling for a piece of a man that is not about anything in the hopes of rehabilitating him.  This rarely happens and it adds to the frustration that fuels the anger when we see a black man with a white woman or with someone of another ethnicity or gender.

Now, Ladies, we have to take on some of the blame, because the nerds we passed up in high school that took time to invest in themselves through education while we chose to go for the more trendy guys was the trade-off years later.  Where things go left for us is when we decide to have children with thee guys early in life and before it’s over another and another until we are socially devalued by more of the male population.  A guy that has invested in his future by taking on risks and educating himself is not selfish, he just wanted more out of life than you.  By the same token, there are women out there that do the same and seek men that are in the same category.

The reason why you see so many successful black men with women of other ethnicities  is because they both have common goals that stretch beyond the bedroom and the present.One thing that black women and black men have in common when dating interracially is that to some capacity they have had enough of what their own ethnic group has to offer.   The old traditions of set-asides or affirmative action dating where a black man or woman is entitled to be with the best within their ethnic group is a thing of the past.  The trend for many African-Americans is to actually get rid of the black stigma or social burden associated with being black.  We would like to call it self-hate, but it cannot be called that because they are actually doing this because they love themselves and not the group as a whole.

I have dated my share of successful and not so successful black men and from my experience, one things rings true, we were limited in many capacities when it came to financial growth and maximizing our quality of life.  I found very few black men making six-figures like myself and discovered that if I were able to find a partner that made what I made with the same goals and values, we could go a long way.  Fortunately, I found him and we arre happy.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Women:

 

  1. Guys with no job.
  2. Guys with no car.
  3. Guys with multiple kids.
  4. Guys with criminal records.
  5. Guys with bad credit.
  6. Guys with multiple women.
  7. Guys without goals.
  8. Guys with abusive backgrounds.
  9. Guys that are still hustlers past age 25.
  10. Guys that are either too weak or too dominant.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Men.

  1. Ladie with too many male friends.
  2. Ladies with too many children.
  3. Ladies with bad credit.
  4. Ladies that have no ambitions or goals.
  5. Ladies that are selfish.
  6. Ladies that have a sense of entitlement.
  7. Ladies that use the vagina as a weapon in the relationship.
  8. Ladies that are loud and constantly seeking attention.
  9. Ladies with too many accessories (weaves, tattoos, etc.)
  10. Ladies that cannot use proper grammar.

As you can see from the focus-groups, there are some similarities and differences among the genders within the same racial group.  However, these men and women would like to find happiness, but these are some of the elements keeping them apart.

In any case, Ladies it is not based on the physical characteristics as much as it is based on lifestyle and behavior.  Guys, the same rules apply to you when it comes to behavior and personal responsibility.

 

Not Shedding a Tear

The African-American community is a place where I have tried my best to avoid identifying with after realizing that it had not progressed much after so many decades of complacency. I threw my hands up on black men back in the 1990’s because those that were worth a damn were either more educated black women or with someone outside the race. I do not blame the brothers that got out, because I deliberately did the same. As a casualty of my decision, my friends from the ghetto had to go. I made sure to make a clean break. I have no grand illusions, because people will still judge me based on my skin-color. However, I find it easier to accept being qualified by affluent whites than by worthless blacks.

I speak this truth because growing up in poverty with ignorant people around you (including family) that cared not to open a book was not my cup of tea. I am much happier living in Orange County, California with a powerful white man by my side. It is so awkward during our family reunions to see my sister still with a black man with no job and their six kids. I learned from my mother’s failure as a strong black woman that it is all BS. There was nothing strong about her but the will to whip our asses and screw men on a regular basis, including the three that my high-yellow sister struggled to love each day.

Even though black folks care not to admit it, I found no glory in being black, poor, and irrelevant. Yes, I am a sell-out if you could call it so, but at least I made it out of that environment and even though white people will not accept me as their own, it is much better than the way black have treated me my whole life. I don’t have to wear a weave for my white husband, I don’t have to have tattoos, and I don’t have to wear revealing clothes to appeal to him. The self-esteem the community took from me in my formative years are restored with him. And I was so glad when he said he was an atheist. He thought it was a deal-breaker, but in fact it was a turn-on, because even though my mother took us to church, I never took it seriously because the pastor would always make it to my mother’s bedroom every other Sunday afternoon.

I find it comical that all of my former girlfriends in the South Central Los Angeles call themselves Queens and every other type of title you can think of to make themselves feel better on Facebook and Twitter. They tease men on social media and show vaginas ad ass on web cam sites for cash. However, that is their life choice and I have no compassion. So, black folks when I am with my husband and ignore you, it is not personal, it is universal.

The Dysfunction of Some Black Women

You may have noticed that the latest trend for many urban women is to take on the Beyonce’ Persona, because she is wealthy, blond and has a lighter complexion.  The elements are the very issues that many African-American women face as they mature based on blatant discrimination due to physical characteristics.  One of the most unfortunate truths is that the inferiority complex of having darker skin and coarser hair comes from other African-American women more so than men.  It is quite rare for an African-American man to tell an African-American woman that she is physically undesirable based solely on looks.  However, when it comes to other African-American women, all bets are off.  These women are harder on each other than any man could ever be when it comes to discriminating on personal appearances.

Society has conditioned many African-Americans that lighter is better to the point of African-Americans retaining the argument of light-skin vs. dark-skin as if they are describing pieces of fried chicken.  The big misconception is that some African-American women feel that African-American men look specifically for that lighter woman based on the fact that she is more socially acceptable than a woman with a darker complexion.  In fact, this is more based on what advertising and marketing has done more so than the reality.  African-American men that are solely motivated by skin-color have no reason to stop at almost white when they can get a white woman if so desired.  Now, there is a secondary franchise that some women cater to and that is those African-American men that may want a lighter woman without the social burden that comes along with dating someone outside their own race.  These men limit themselves voluntarily to this specific group of African-American women to position themselves as above the norm within the African-American community.  Also, these men are comfortable with this choice.  The one advantage that many African-Americans have is that being classified as such implies that anyone that says they are can be so.  However,  Caucasians are more limited in their scope of   social acceptance and therefore the difficulty prevails for African-Americans and other minorities to become accepted into social and family circles at face-values.  This is evident by the poor number of interracial marriages within  the United States in general.

The research from the U.S. Census and other academic sources that the reason for this slow acceptance of interracial relationships has much to do with the social burdens associated with the minority member more so than blatant racism.  A person may be in love with a person, but the family and friends may be too much of a price to pay for one person and possible happiness.  Therefore, there are more African-American men dating and marrying Caucasian women than African-American women doing the same with Caucasian men.  The reason for this has to do with the birthing factor in the sense that the child may have more ethnic features from an African-American mother than vice-versa where the child could possibly pass the obvious physical characteristics test.

Sadly, some African-American women attempt to alter themselves in order to make themselves more appealing to African-American men, despite the fact that many African-American women that do marry within and outside their race do not have to wear hair-weaves.  Upon interviewing several online interracial couples and groups, one thing stood out beyond the scope of opinions and feelings, “being themselves” was far more important.

There is this competition where African-American women are pitted against Caucasian women and other African-American women, but the reality is they are in a struggle amongst themselves.  The skin-color issue begins early in life for many of them from being teased at school to being called names by parents in relation to skin color.  The skin and hair have been the two areas where some African-American women find shame.  So many times throughout my research since the 1980’s I have heard the refrain, “I’m gonna marry a white or Mexican man to get a baby with good hair.’  I used to think it was a statement born out of ignorance, until I realized where the origin began at home in packaging a resentful child.  Another burden that some women in general, but mainly African-American women reared in the 1990’s faced was a lot of responsibility at a young age with entitled and sometimes over-worked single mothers having them baby-sit, manage households, and take on adult responsibilities.  These activities robbed of these women of their formative years and left a lot of them under developed.

One of the immediate reactions from women in this group was to excel in academics and within careers while avoiding the mistakes of their mothers by becoming impoverished single mothers and dealing with pieces of men instead of one of their own.  These are the African-American women that commonly have a low opinion of African-American men because they did not have a father in the home and to play it safe, they choose the opposite in every way from their mothers.  Surprisingly, many of the 90’s era women are not having the multiple births or children at all, and choose to live a life-style alone within their means.  Now, the problem for these women is that they still find it difficult to get a man that does not have children or that has invested in an education.

Despite the opinions, the facts are evident, there are more African-American women that enroll in educational institutions, but the number of graduates are still low.  The most misleading stat that I hear all of the time are the vast number of people stating that African-American women are the most educated; however if that was the case, over 53% of African-American children born by single mothers would not remain in poverty.  There was about 600,000 more African-American women with at least a college degree in the United States over African-American men in the 2010 Census and here is where the problem remains for those women wanting to remain within their race without settling for someone with less income.

Now, you may ask about the weaves and tattoos etc. to attract a man.  The bell-curve goes like this, in the teen years there are dreams, in the 20’s you try to make them come true, in the 30’s a reality sets in, in the 40’s desperation prevails, and by the 50’s no one cares.  This is the life-cycle of the vixen and attention, because after 35 year of age a hotter female takes the attention an interest of others.  In short, the weaves can be removed, the ink may stay, and hopefully the man will to for her sake.   The take away is that the physical appeal is limited due to time and gravity, so that means that characteristics such as personality and character are essential to keep a man and too often women neglect that aspect of their personal portfolio.

Being who you are without advertising agencies and marketing companies dictating what you should look like is important to attract any many worth your time.  Remember, Beyonce’ is paid for the way she looks and many of the attributes are expensed by corporations because she is a brand that makes a lot of money for other shareholders.  Most women spend their pay-checks to assist those firms to finance the next hot African-American artist.  Think about sports and how usy spend millions each year on sneakers that do not make them a star, but feeds an ego that make other rich.

Thirst Discipline

Ladies, how many times have you posted a selfie on Instagram or Facebook and there has been this one guy that has to compliments you on every thing you do?  That guy is definitely the one to avoid at all cost because he is thirsty for you.  Why so? Can you imagine if he had access to you 24/7? You would get sick of the compliments and his talking so damn much.  Yes, ladies the thirst is real.  Now. these guys usually try to out-post other guys and will defend you even when you are clearly in the wrong.  A guy that is this weal will literally allow you to run all over him without a second thought.

Most of use ladies consider these guys as losers and at best they might get into the “Friend’s Zone” or remain unfriended on the account.  You should not get it twisted and diss every guy that tries to add you on a friend request, because there are some that are legit.  I used to look at this pics they would send placing their peni against 16 ounce cans and bottles.  We should tell them that is not impressive for sexy ladies that can get a man with one clothed photo.  A guy may be well-hung, but may not know how to use his tool.

Another cliché I see a lot is the guy that has the car in his photo.  It seems that if they do not have a big penis, a big ego would compensate, “Not!”  Guys, please quit asking to text us if you do not know how, there is a reason, “We don’t know you on social media!”  Save it sending those tired ass links of videos with you beating your manhood, because it is pitiful to be that lonely and unwanted that you are literally screwing your own hand.

The guy that gets noticed will be the gentleman that conducts himself that way and even though some of us ladies may lie to ourselves that stretch-marks, side-boobs, and back-fat is sexy, remember some of you pasted that it was and so we think we go it going on.  Most of us post on social media for attention as Jausan and Tommy Sotomayor say.  It is all about attention and nothing more, because this is the only place we can be admired without having some creep trying to feel up on us.

I personally love wearing my thong and tee-shirt on Facebook and watch guy put me in the pedestal, because I know I will always have a fool or two out there willing to pay my bills and buy me gifts if I so desire.  Sorry guys, it is true even though I could never bring myself to use a dude, I can say that some of the offers are tempting.  My advice to guys on social media is to be a man an share more than pics of your weak ass penis because I know yall get tired of seeing our fake or fat asses wearing booty-shorts, tatted-up and wearing yards of weave.  In any case keep trying and maybe some girl will give you some ass because they feel sorry for you, but not me.

Bossip

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Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments

Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have been rather reserved about my comments about Don Sterling (Clippers Owner). Yes, it was insensitive for him to make those alleged comments. However, I think it was equally wrong for his mistress to use public embarrassment to resolve a private matter. Let’s face it, had she not been going through legal issue with him and his wife, no one would have cared. It is understandable that he may have views and so do we when it comes to certain preferences even though we would like to assume that life is all politically correct.

However, in this instance, she exploited this opportunity along with African-American sentiments to get back at him more so than anything else about us. I am sure she has heard other things before this tape-recorded incident and chose not to go to the public about it. However, when things are not in a person;s favor, there is no telling how low a person will go to hurt another. Was she outraged when he bought her the Bentley, Ferrari and Range Rover? Probably not. It amazes me when minorities become rich (temporary wealth), they are not so impacted by the nature of beast of racism. It still exist in the hearts of some people, but not as it did when laws were in place to ensure the racial divide. I do not condone his remarks in any way, but just think about the people you despise each day and how you manage to tolerate them long enough to get your pay-check and cash it.

I am less offended about what he said, because he would say it whether public or private and he is under no moral obligation to anyone to modify his behavior. However, I am more offended by the mistress trying to create a call-to-action because things did not go her way. All of the African-American leaders condemned the man. Think about it for a moment, he is in his 80’s and respectfully what is she doing with him in the first-place? He is well past her senior, married, wealthy, and has her as his souvenir and fantasy. There is no doubt he has views about African-Americans and other minorities and even though we may not life them, many have died for the right for him to speak despite his 18th Century mindset.

This is a learning tool not just for minority females, but females in general, no matter how wealthy a man is, money will not change his sentiments and beliefs. She took a risk on playing a high-stakes game and in the end lost as the wife prepares to sue her. The most tragic element to this whole thing is that despite all of the comments and trashing, there will be people supporting the franchise. So in retrospect the price was very high for her to pay for the life of luxury, her personal dignity. The short-cut to wealth by sleeping with a guy for his bucks is what guys like Sterling look-out for and understand that the few coins that he shells out to her is marginal to what the wife gets in return.

At best this is a glorified form of prostitution that ended badly and the race-card is the only weapon she had left to fight-back with in the end. Even if he is racist, the man is 80 something years old and what power does he have over you? Nothing, the players can be traded to other teams or serve-out the terms of their contracts if so desired. Minorities to him may be a necessary evil from his perspective and therefore he exploits them for profit. However, one thing to keep in mind is that even though all of this comes out now, and African-American general manager by the name of Elgin Baylor worked for the Clippers for almost 30 years.

So before allowing this woman to have a nation serve her agenda, we need to be objective and look at the motivations for it. This is not a racially motivated situation, but one that exploits racism to hurt Don Sterling in his pocket and through his reputation. Again, in now way are his alleged remarks acceptable, but is also not acceptable for a grown woman to use a dispute to garner public favor either.

It should be noted that Elgin Baylor is suing Don Sterling for being terminated in 2009 based on age and racial discrimination.  As you can see despite the racial over-tones,an extramarital affair leads to this sort of racial tension.

When Should You Let Go of a Relationship?

Break All Day!
Break All Day! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When Should You Let Go of a Relationship?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The word commitment is a very strong one in the terms of relationships and some people bind themselves to others based solely on it.  However, there comes a time when the risks and obligations out-weigh the benefits. People are usually slow to admit they are wrong because it reflects a bit on their character and judgment. The emotional attachment is the equity put into a relationship and the last thing a person wants to hear is that the relationship is failing or if neglected, has failed.  Friends and family are commonly the first indicators when it comes to seeing something out of sync in a relationship and it comes down to the brave soul that is willing enough to tell the person on the losing end.  Today with Twitter, Facebook and other social media, relationships are started and terminated without the luxury of meeting face to face.  Women commonly have more difficulty in a break-up in a relationship than men based on social norms more than anything else.  A man is expected to remain strong and not shed a tear in front of her.  Women on the other hand may go to further extremes in order to sustain the relationship.  In so many ways, women are the nurturers of the relationship, ensuring that the integrity of it remains intact, they set the pace and tone of the union.  Men provide the logistics for the endeavor to flourish. This is a 50/50 situation.

Unfortunately, when one member of the relationship decides that he or she wants out, there are a lot of things that come to light.  Relationships are an emotional experience that becomes part of one’s routine, giving people purpose, and shared responsibility.  In many cases when a relationship dies, the purpose of an individual comes into question.  Think about couples that have been married for decades and suddenly there is a divorce. The woman may have to take more time to adjust to a new role not only in relation to being single, but in the sense of losing the status associated with someone married including friends and associates.  There is a great sense of loss.

Women are usually the fighters for relationships and may be harder to convince that all was done to salvage them. This is especially true when it comes to women with children.  Their interest is the priority and keeping the family unit intact becomes vital.  Counseling is a way that many modern women attempt to retain a relationship that is in jeopardy or fix issues that are sticking-points.  However, rejection by a partner is no easy feat to master and personalizing that rejection heightens emotions.

The best practices for protecting yourself from being potentially hurt begins with the introduction of your partner to friends and family.  Take notice of their initial reaction to him or her because there are things that you may not see. Remember that all people have experiences and some may see things that may be red-flags to avoid.  If you are just getting to know this person, don’t be so quick to become their advocate in respect to friends and family because if it is a bad start, things can only get worse.  If things go well initially and you notice some problems, discuss them immediately and do not do what some do by letting it fester and become part of the relationship.  In the case the two of you reach a stale-mate early on about an issue, you and your partner may try counseling by a licensed professional. However, if he or she fails to participate or gives good lip-service just to get through it, cut your losses early before too much emotional capital is spent.

Before going into a relationship it does well be to mindful that it can end abruptly and you should have a strategy to deal with it.  For instance, if he decides to shut down completely and state he wants out without reason or comment, it is natural to try to effectively communicate.  You should not dwell on it too long because if you do it will become more of a personalized rejection that is far harder to manage than a situational rejection.  Some people attempt a post interview with their partner once it is announced that he or she is leaving, this only works if the other party is willing to discuss the matter. If you have effective communications in the beginning, it helps if he or she cares to discuss it.  What you must remember is that shutting down and wanting out is a selfish act on the part of the other person and your feelings, equity in the relationship and time are irrelevant to that person at that point in time.

Before accepting this individual back into your life if and when they decide to open up, you should protect yourself emotionally and approach the interaction as if you are beginning anew with objectivity and skepticism at the fore-front.  The other party will have to use full disclosure as to the reason for shutting down and you should express to him or her about the cost you have undertaken during that period.  It would be wise to allow him or her to measure up to the level of trust they left with, do not give it to them again at the same level initially. View it as an employee that left the job unannounced and they are reapplying to work for you again.  Bring him or her back as an intern and monitor their progress through the stages.  Leaving the emotional and sexual elements out of the process will eliminate him or her coming back to a sexually comforting situation.

If you do not decide to allow this person back into your life, void the guilt and stick with the facts as they were when the individual left because if it was done once, it can be done again and the words, “I’ve changed.” are meaningless without the protracted actions to prove this change. People have certain opportunities to be in your life at certain points in it and the duration is entirely up to you.  In the event of a spouse or partner passing it is understandable to become emotionally torn for an extended period, but you cannot dwell on memories and must live for the person you loved that died.

The whole process of letting go is based on your time and how you let go is the key. Fighting for a relationship just to have the children’s  father in the house while being at total odds is not healthy and could lead to even more complications.  Also, fighting for a partner that insists on cheating is not the answer and turning a blind eye to infidelity benefits no one, not even the other person because as he or she has deceived  you, they will deceive another.

Make sure that you have thought out an emotional protective strategy and plan to protect yourself in the event of the demise of a relationship and understand that the world does not end with divorce papers or a break-up but begins with the first step toward your future growth.

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Help…I’m in too deep…

Help…I’m in too deep… – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

Cool site Got a problem. I’m a white guy in my early twenties from a very affluent family in the Southwest. Met this black girl in college and we dated on campus until my senior year in 11. I had to break it off because I was one year ahead of her because of the distance. She transferred to a school near my hometownand showed up at my doorstep. I’m not racist, but my folks are a totally different story. They were’nt mean to her, but the tension was there and they did not like it one bit that she was in our house.

Well I am moving into my place in March but my parents made it crystal clear that they do not want me around minorities. My dilemma is I need start-up cash from my Dad for my business and there are some serious string attached. Unfortunately, she did not get the message when I told her that day that we are a no go.

She is a smart, attractive, and cute girl, but I only wanted her for the sex and nothing more. Before I left school she hit me with the “I’m pregnant thing” but never saw her produce a baby or any record of an abortion. In my opinion, she had a taste of the good life with the money I spent on her and I got sex so it seems to be an even trade.

Anyhow, I can’t let this girl fuck up my future and she is damn sure not getting any more of my money. What is the best way to get my mesage across to her to keep her from calling me and showing up at my folks house trying to fit in? Your help is most appreciated.

Luke

The Great Southwest

Women and Marriage in 2012

Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Jausan
“Women and Marriage
Editor-in-Chief
Romance Referee ™
Santa Clarita, CA, USA

There are a persistent number of women that actually have no intention to marry unlike in the past.  In many ways some women view marriage as a burden of sorts.  The perception is that not only would another person in their lives is a liability, but also view the reality of being single has more to do with personal independence than anything else.  Decades ago when this trend was popular in the 1980’s among men, the perception was that men were being selfish.  This trend at the time bucked the tradition of men seeking wives.  Now, during the 1990’s the trend was slightly reversed and this could be attributed to the state of he economy at the time.

However,since The Great Recession of 2008 the trend had declined in 2010 according to the United States Census about 50.7%of American men and women are married either with spouse present or absent.  Even though the current number of married couples out-number those unmarried means that the popularity of marriage is in decline.  There are no solid numbers to comprehend the number of couples that actually divorced or separated due to the crisis.  Quantitatively, there are implications that the popularity remaining single among women is becoming more of a reality.

In some ways this may be the first generation of American women that have grown out of the fantasy that has been perpetuated throughout the decades.  There are some reasons for this change because more women are independent and due to the economic shift many women are bread-winners.  Also, there are a large number of women that are continuing to college and vocational schools to make more money which continues to discourage them from marry a man solely due to economic gain.  In some circles women would not consider marriage to anyone unless their partner is a millionaire.  Even though that is an extreme measure, the needy financial woman is gradually becoming a thing of the past.

Another result of this trend is the casual nature of sexual relations in that men are taking on a more functional role much like men used to do with women by objectification.  “What does this mean?” This will means a totally different family structure and slower population growth within the nuclear family.  In fact, as these states wrestle with same-sex marriage legislation, those men and women that use to sustain artificial heterosexual relationships will no longer play a role that impacts the lives of others along with their own.

African-American women is one group hit the hardest with a bubble of single women that have never been married in places like Atlanta, Detroit, New York, and Los Angeles where many of them between their late twenties through their mid-forties.  Some are of course following a new trend of dating Caucasian men, however according to many of the informal dating statistics the marital-rate remains considerably lower compared to the marital activity of African-American men with Caucasian women.  The reality according to the data from the Census is that there are 600,000 more single African-American women than men in population with at least a bachelor degrees.  And there are one million more women within that group actively in the work-force compared to men.  This difference is significant because out of all of the groups in the population African-Americans have this imbalance and had it before in 1980.  The economic implications are that when a recession occurs as it did in 1980 and 2008, African-American men are seriously impacted by job displacement that not only hits them economically, but also make them far more less desirable to African-American females.

It should be also observed that Caucasians, Asians, and Hispanics (Latinos) are not experiencing similar trends as with African-Americans. There are still women in the dating pipe-line who are bound to traditions that means men must be the bread-winner along with high standards.  The problem is that as these women age many of them have the perception that they have the same romantic value as they did when they were younger.  In a broad context, they are gravely mistaken when it comes to assessing their romantic value while retaining higher standards for a mate than they themselves can deliver.  This is much like the fat woman who expects to land a guy with ripped abs.  The problem in these instances is that their personal self-worth is projected on others and they falsely fall under the impression that the same value is perceived and accepted by the other party.

The growing trend now is to expand on freedom and independence first and then look at feeding the emotional aspects in one’s life later while having objectified sex in the interim.  This modern single woman in her twenties is more of a realist and less of a fantasy-driven princess.  Even though there are some around, the growing number of women are growing up with resources and information to avoid being stuck in bad marriages. The unfortunate aspect is that the women who fail to do this may find themselves in under-performing relationships.  In essence, love can cure certain ills in a marriage, but the modern woman of today has more of a macro-view of the relationship and what it takes to sustain them.

Men like myself have used the argument in respect to the benefit of marriage.  The reality is that marriage is a liability for men in many cases in that they are responsible for paying a perpetual debt for the wife and children.  The advent of the two income household over the past 50 years has now culminated in generations of children understanding that struggling parents are not the ideal representation of living.  This is very obvious now as 98% of the United States population makes less than US$250,000.  Today many young men and women seek to pursue higher incomes independently.  The glamor from reality shows and the like may also play a small part in this desire for independence with many of the shows scrambling to find healthy relationships to represent show franchises.