Qualifiers for Cheaters on the Dating Scene

There are two fundamental terms that singles must become familiar with prior to hitting the dating scene “I’m a little married” and “I’m married but looking”.  These two terms are qualifiers for those who are ready to cheat on their partner or spouse.  It is about 50/50 when it comes to the gender of the person that will use this pseudo-cute cliché’.  The single person needs to keep in mind that by using this qualifier he or she does not feel fully obligated to his or her spouse.  This means that there is a good possibility that the marriage serves a less important purpose for him or her.  On the other-hand, this also implies that if you are approached by someone using this qualifier, you are not a priority to them either when compared with their own self-interest.

As mentioned in my blogs and articles before, cheating is a selfish act and therefore the individual is more concerned about his or her welfare first and the others fall in line after the fact.  These individuals are usually trying to avoid domestic troubles at home from a lack in communications in the marriage or relationship and ready to leave with one foot outside the marriage and the other inside it as a mere place-holder.  Rarely do these individuals take meeting a single person on the dating scene seriously.  In fact, it is not uncommon for them to disclose their marital status up-front.  The rationale behind this is to establish that they are seeking satisfaction for the moment and reveal that they are married as a stop-gap measure to avoid any further pursuit of a relationship.  They may take it from flirtation to sexual encounters.  This has more to do with power than anything else.  Most often these individuals want to see if they still have what it takes to get an outsider to want them.  The benefit for him or her is to stroke the ego and to flaunt it in the face of a spouse or partner as leverage in the relationship.

There are some people that do this solely for the purpose of lifting low self-esteem through this form of attention. However, the primary uses of the two terms is to create an incentive for the individual to compete against the spouse or partner at that time for their attention and to feel important.

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Dating the Chronic Liar

Lying is one of the most fundamental human reactions when emotions are involved to spare a person’s feelings.  We lie for various reasons to cheer a partner up, to spare feelings when in actuality you are not sexually satisfied.  However, we are taught to lie and deceive at a very early age with the Santa Claus myth which evolves into a form of manipulation that people hone for their own benefit in life in some cases.  Now, in relationships we lie to also suppress realities that could be jeopardized if the truth was revealed.

A chronic liar has the motivation to do so because he or she feels compelled to nurture that element of their personality.  In fact most women prefer to be lied to by comparison through compliments, and when men disclose exaggerated financial statuses.  So often some women see this as a way of fulfilling a fantasy of sorts. And for the most part that is the purpose of lying in relationships to protect images, reputations, and to convey an persona that may not be fully representative of factual character.

Hits close to home?  Think about the fat woman who asks her husband “Do I look fat in this dress?”, and the husband lies with a “Yes” out of love or respect.  Also, think about how many times you said “I Love You” to someone you did not love and did it because he or she said so.  People may even lie about their past to make it more exciting or to tone down the truth about it.  In either case, we harbor these falsehoods in the vain of making others and even ourselves better to some degree.  Denial is a lie that we tells ourselves as a coping tool.  Exaggerations are lies used to project a distinguishing image in social circles. Embellishments are lies told with a morsel of truth to be perceived as believable.  But the principal issue with lies is that they are hungry and need to be consistently fed because they leave legacies and are perpetual in nature.

At work we do the same thing to some degree, as we do in church, and in other social settings using some moral justification for the action.  The reason why many new relationships fail are due to lies becoming an old routine that gets older quickly.  Most often, people in denial will use this tactic to justify remaining in a bad relationship or attempting to embed themselves into the good graces of a partner.  No matter the situation, the truth comes about like an old friend collecting a toll when you are broke.   It is a no brainer that more men lie to sleep with women than the reverse.  One of the immediate effects that the chronic liar must contend with is  a perpetual dating history and a trail of rejection up being found out.

Most rational people can assess a lie at some point with a few facts; however the most offensive act is not the lie, but the manipulation that accompanies it along with the severity.  Think about a woman lying about using birth control with the sole intention of getting pregnant to keep a man, or a guy misleading a woman about his career and lifestyle before marriage.  In some way people manage to justify rationale, but in reality they have a problem that has to get worse because the lie has to be fed which makes it larger until it is too obese to exist much like an over-eater.  Lies take a life of their own and  left unchecked, becomes a third person in a relationship.  Yes, because it needs the same attention and nurturing a person in respect to thought and strategy.  However, one interesting thing is that most often a women who says she has been intimate with a certain man may be believed more so than a man who would declare being intimate with a woman.

Dealing with the chronic liar is no easy task and often people try to avoid them no matter what, but as in life there are exceptions to the rule.  There are no saints, just some people who think they are in the moral sense. Women may lie about  the cost of things when it comes to going over-budget as do men at times.  Men lie mostly about seeing other women according to some informal surveys.  However, there are those that just care not to lie at all and they are often classified as rude or insensitive.  The perversion to some degree is that being lied to is considered the norm and the truth is considered an abnormality.  However, the key premise to lying  in a relationship is to do no immediate harm to a person.  Chronic Liars may find themselves lonely or alone most of the time and totally void of being found out from their perspective.