The African-American community is a place where I have tried my best to avoid identifying with after realizing that it had not progressed much after so many decades of complacency. I threw my hands up on black men back in the 1990’s because those that were worth a damn were either more educated black women or with someone outside the race. I do not blame the brothers that got out, because I deliberately did the same. As a casualty of my decision, my friends from the ghetto had to go. I made sure to make a clean break. I have no grand illusions, because people will still judge me based on my skin-color. However, I find it easier to accept being qualified by affluent whites than by worthless blacks.
I speak this truth because growing up in poverty with ignorant people around you (including family) that cared not to open a book was not my cup of tea. I am much happier living in Orange County, California with a powerful white man by my side. It is so awkward during our family reunions to see my sister still with a black man with no job and their six kids. I learned from my mother’s failure as a strong black woman that it is all BS. There was nothing strong about her but the will to whip our asses and screw men on a regular basis, including the three that my high-yellow sister struggled to love each day.
Even though black folks care not to admit it, I found no glory in being black, poor, and irrelevant. Yes, I am a sell-out if you could call it so, but at least I made it out of that environment and even though white people will not accept me as their own, it is much better than the way black have treated me my whole life. I don’t have to wear a weave for my white husband, I don’t have to have tattoos, and I don’t have to wear revealing clothes to appeal to him. The self-esteem the community took from me in my formative years are restored with him. And I was so glad when he said he was an atheist. He thought it was a deal-breaker, but in fact it was a turn-on, because even though my mother took us to church, I never took it seriously because the pastor would always make it to my mother’s bedroom every other Sunday afternoon.
I find it comical that all of my former girlfriends in the South Central Los Angeles call themselves Queens and every other type of title you can think of to make themselves feel better on Facebook and Twitter. They tease men on social media and show vaginas ad ass on web cam sites for cash. However, that is their life choice and I have no compassion. So, black folks when I am with my husband and ignore you, it is not personal, it is universal.
I won’t give my name, but after reading one of your articles about interracial dating, I did come about with the truth. I am currently in a three year relationship with a very successful Caucasian man here in Southern, California and you are correct. There are things that I have done and put-up with that I would have never thought about with a black man. I have no problem with black men, but for some reason I never felt they deserved me. Make no mistake, I am a very dark brown African-American female with looks, curves, and all of the attributes. Since first dating a white man in college, I never looked back. Besides being treated better, they do kind things and are very easy to get along with. I don’t feel embarrassed to be with him, knowing that most black and white women want him, He has a job that a black man could only dream of no matter what school or experience he has, It is a far better life for me and if he left me today, I would only seek out another one.
Yes, we have done everything imaginable in the bedroom and I would never think about giving a black man such a luxury. Hard to believe that years ago when I was dating black men I hated oral sex and now I cannot get enough of it with my man. I get the crossed looks from an occasional black man here and there, but it does not phase me because I see black men as failures without even speaking to them. When I am with my man, I make it a point to ignore other black people. He may choose to speak to them when we are together, but I care not. I am just saying what some black people think. Sorry Jausan, but you are 100% correct in your assessement.
Lady J. | Newport Beach, CA
After receiving this email, I realized that interpretation is everything when communications is involved. After getting the gentleman’s permission that sent me this email (who’s real name is not Ray) did not surprise me one bit. I had the pleasure of interviewing the woman participating in this situation and I will post the transcript later.
Hi Jausan, my name is Ray and even though the article had a lot of specifics on stats about interracial dating and marriages, there is one thing I must take issue with, the number of people openly accepting interracial relationships. I have personally been in a relationship with a married black woman for some time. She is the wife of a preacher in Georgia and every other weekend she makes her way down to Northern Florida for a good time. I met on her a year ago on a popular black dating site. I have read others articles you have written about swirling and all of the points you make are valid, but in certain areas it is not so readily accepted. My wife and I share her together and the situation is now causing problems for us because many of our friends are not appreciative of blacks.
I also understand that some black women look at this as a step up in society by being with whites, but I can tell you that when she is with us she likes to role-play the slave-girl and I wear the confederate costume. The wife loves seeing us together and since we started this little thing, we have found more blacks and white couples into this fantasy play. So even though there have been some changes in the attitudes of people, there are some that stay the same. I am not a racist, but our friends loves being defiled and called the N word by me and wife during sex. We would never use such a term, but she insist that we do. I just wanted you to know that there are some people that have arrangements that may not fall in line with the politically correct version of American culture. By the way, the piece about the marc-auctions are true. We attended two this summer outside San Francisco and in South Carolina. My wife and I know it may be wrong, but we have accepted it and our friend and the people we’ve met regardless of race like the thrill of it. You may repost this email, all I ask is that you do not publish my email address, or real name… Thanks.
I will keep reading and hope you address more on this topic.