When we think of cheating, the thought may often center around finding your partner or spouse in the act. In fact, most cheating and infidelity is conducte online. Yes, messenger services and mobile apps are the newest form of this practice. The primary reason for this is convenience and comfort. The distance and anonimity also helps in this endeavor. The premise for cheating is a lack of appreciation of the other party. It is also evident that the person being cheated on is devalued in some capacity. One common equivalency is the devaluation of men when they lose a job or women when they cannot birth a child for whatever reason. This level of devaluation is used when the other party is viewed as an obstacle to the growth of the other. In most cases these sentiments are more superficial than real in the sense that the grass seems greeener on the other side. The problem is that one of the parties have become too familiar with the situation and therefore seeks a change of sorts and not specifically with the person they are engage with in a relationship.
Boredom is the operative word and mobile devices are constantly used to convey these sentiments. It is not uncommon for a party to disclose all of the problems in the relationship with a total stranger that may not care to deal with the person or the problem outside of the sexual benefits. The more a person tells what is wrong with his or her relationship depicts what they are willing to tolerate. The natural response is to counter the behavior or sentiments of the person’s partner or spouse. The end result is the development of a new relationship with the other person knowing the weakness in his or her new prospect. The stranger or other party is the only beneficiary in this situation because he or she knows the weaknesses of the whole relationship. This is why players are so successful in ruining relationships and walking away scott-free. They have no emotional capital in the venture and only enter into them for their sole benefit and nothing more.
There are a lot of people that just prey off of these abnormalities in relationships, taking advantage of the situation for their own benefit. Most often they can care less about familial issues or the behavior of the partner and only see an opportunity for fresh-meat. You can go to any single site or log into a mobile app and discover a host of married and committed people seeking singles and others to vent frustrations while being entertained. The primary problem with this sort of situation for a person in a committed relationship is that he or she may have higher expectations of the other person than they have intended for them. One thing that is evident is the number of extra-marital affairs that never materialize beyond sexual activity. In short the third-party is fully aware that the same thing that he or she is doing now is more than likely a pattern of behavior regardless of the obligatory denials and assertions that “This is the first time…” Pros on the dating scene see through this smoke-screen because they are more experienced and active than a novice cheating on a partner on the down-low.
The motivation of the guy or girl on the other end of the message or mobile app is to paint a grand picture of a better life. The reality is that more often than nto it is an illusion because the difficulties associated with the new person has not been revealed. So, it becomes like starting over in a brand new realtionship. A true player of this game will mirror the sentiments of the prospect to the point of being the ideal person sought all of thier life. The goal is to be better than the current partner, but not too good as to get into a situation that he or she cannot quickly void. In short the mutual goal is happiness on a superficial level, but neither party would care to admit this truth.
One tactic that some use to catch their spouse or partner is to create a new account and go online with a totally false profile or having a friend to do so. Men use this tactic more so than women in the sense they use the Internet far more. However, there are clusters of women who also use this strategy. The main goal of an individual doing this is to see exactly how badly thya re disliked by their partner. As a person that chose to do this one in my past, the sentiments that was revealed about me was very difficult to endure throughout the three months long period of engaging dialogue. Finally, it came to one night that we were supposed to meet at a restaurant. She was shocked upon seeing me there and I politely handed her a very nice card that said “Good-bye”. Needless-to-say, denial was the first thing that she tried to use. I got into my car and never saw her again to this day. Messages were left about me being deceitful, but I countered with the covert actions she took as mutually offensive.
Even though I thought it was very childish, I learned quickly that life had more to offer than one individual in one city. Intutition is usually right and igoring it only assists in the dance of mis-steps in relationships. From what I gathered from the instant messages, she hated me more than Hitler because in her words, “I was too nice.” Interestingly enough, she married and after several trips to the hospital courtesy of her new bad boy, she emailed me forto arrange lunch. Going against my better judgment, I chos eto meet and the first thing that entered my mind was “What the hell was going on with me?” I could finally look at the situation objetively and understood that she was not worth the aforementioned efforts in the first place. From that moment on, I decided to leave upon the first red flag of infidelity.
Some people like myself value their time over emotional conflict. Now, getting back to you, the best way to avoid all of this madness is to understand that the communications will escalate over time to a point of making plans without you. Yes, it will get to a point that you will become irrelevant and they are solely focused on the individual ont eh other end of the messenger service. Their hope is risk it all for the other person because you are not worth the risk of staying in the relationship. Isolation is a common practice, then youa re treated as if you are contaminated and of course intimacy goes out the door. “We should start seeing other people” is usually the calling card. At this point they have lost all interest in you and the detachment escalates to a point where you to are not even in the same space on any level.
People love to use the term, “I have fallen out of love with you”, in fact they never went that far int he first place in some cases, but instead see others as opportunities and not partners. The downside to this behavior is that as they tire of people, people also tire of them. Think about the number of married people leaving thier spouses or lovers in the hopes of being with someone better. Economics is the first thing that many women use to distance themselves from men, and men commonly use a woman’s build or weight as his easy-out for cheating. The truth is that going into relationships people hope to be the Walmart of love and instead may only have the excitement of a new car until after a year or two.
Younger people are slowing their rate of marriage after witnessing some of the behavior in the past where more than before a considerable number of these young men and women come from divorced or single-parent families. Therefore, many of them may not have witnessed a healthy relationship in their lives, so they have no clue about sustaining one. Cheating can be viewed as a symptom of a larger problem that the perception of you has changed from the perspective of your partner. He or she will more likely than not find others that support her position and use them as the sentiment needed to end the relationship.
One interesting chracteristic is that married women are slower to jump out into a dating situation with someone online in comparison to divorcees and singles. The one type of person to avoid on the dating scene are the time-wasters or those that are married that want to just vent about their situation. The others are the divorcees and in some cases singles that are perpetual daters that just seek out people to sleep with and become winded and dined by. These women and men are usually older and have undergone a lot of situations and now want to just mingle. They are great for sex wasting money and precious time and nothing else because if you get emotionally involved ther is a good probability of being hurt. Whn something taumatic happens in their lives, they usually try to get serious. I think of a situation years ago when a woman I knew enoyed the benefits of being with a gentleman that was more serious about her than she was about him. She teased him about a future together as companions; however, when she became ill she wanted to marry ( primarily to assist in paying the medical bills). Unfortunately, the gentle passed away and left his estate and wealth to the State of California. She suffered miserably before dying.
The sad truth is that we take people for granted and through it all when it comes down to brass-tacks, that faithful person that may be so casually ignored or dismissed may be that green grass after the fields you sought turned brown. On the dating scene over the years I have witnessed this over and over again and even though a partner may have the best laid plans for their lives, they may think that they know better. It i much like the person who makes a hit song, accepts US$10k and sign over North American serial right only to realize that the song grossed over US$200Mil. A fool know the price of everything but the value of nothing.