50 Shades of Appreciation for Loose Women

Women strive hard to retain a positive reputation and that is commendable but there are those women who prefer to be themselves and pursue their desires despite the expectations of society.  These women are very popular and often times their pursuits come under scrutiny by the broader population because morality is used as a judgment stick along with a bit of envy in the sense they have ventured into areas where social and moral constraints forbid them. Usually, a sense of jealousy and envy takes place among women in this regard and they are the first to label a woman a whore.  Guys do this on a non-commercial bases due to three main factors, 1) a low regard for women in general, 2) emotional hurt from a relationship, and 3) attempting to fit in with the modern urban culture.  In any case referring to a women whether she is or is not is wrong because despite the motivations on her part, she has needs and desires like anyone else and the superficial constraints imposed by religion and society are moot in that the very acts committed by these women also occur in the bedrooms of the moralists.

The distinction is that the “Loose Woman” is envied by broad swatches of women and are commoditized for their physical features and hedonism by men.  Now, this is a double-edge sword from a man’s perspective in the sense that these women will never become devalued to the level other women may view them, instead there are “50 Shades of Appreciation” for these women.  The question remains for some, “Why would a man date or marry a “Loose Woman”?  The answer is very simple and rather concerning, “They can be trusted for a pattern of behavior”.  The logic is that with a more conventional woman that frowns upon women who have had many encounters with men, may in fact use morality as a facade to over-compensate for past indiscretions.  In other words, the Loose Woman is an open book and therefore the expectation of fewer surprises on down the road in a relationship is less likely to occur.  In a sense, this is a form of reverse filtering of relationships, to weed-out the posers and deal only with the true women as they see them.

It is assumed that the “Loose Woman” will do things in the bedroom that most conventional women may find offensive, but if truth is told there is merit to this argument.  However, the only distinction is that the conventional woman does not readily reveal her desires.  The obvious disadvantage for the Loose Woman is the social ridicule and questionable reputation among some men and women, but the advantage is that she is sought by a larger percentage of men.  In fact, the guys in some cases prefer the under-dog and therefore treats her better than the conventional woman which may be classified as boring.  Another fetish that some men may have is an attraction to someone that has been “used” sexually.  However, it should be noted that some men cheat with married women for this very reason in knowing that someone else has been or remains with her.  Many times, (but not always) they may like stretch-marks, and cellulite which symbolizes a sense of aged sexual attraction that may correlate with a current spouse or lover with the same physical characteristics.

Even though some men may laugh at the guy that winds up with one of these women either because they have slept with her, know someone who has, or even based their opinion solely on rumor, some men still endure.  One thing to remember is that the Loose Woman is more than a sexual being, she has personality, and other attributes besides the domicile between her thighs.  This is the rationale for guys to date and marry strippers, exotic dancers, escorts, and prostitutes, because they separate the people from the profession.  In the case of whoredom, the logic is similar in that sex is separated from love and therefore judging them is moot.

No matter how we choose to pass judgment on the perceived Loose Women, we really do not know in most cases about their experiences and intentions, but project our own assumptions onto what we prefer to like or believe about them.  Other men may feel as if there is no threat to them and therefore continue to dating and marry these women with a clear understanding that they probably will not change their habits.

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When Your Partner Does Not Love You Back

Have you ever been in love with some that never loved you back? No matter what you do, this individual will never say it, but support you in a patronizing way.  The best course of action is to stop your pursuit and cope with the situation until you can get out.  This will allow you to detach and break the emotional bond.  It is important to do this in order to save your romantic energy for someone actually worth it.  One routine sequence of human behavior is that your love for this person will restrict your actions to move on with your life.  They may actually use your “love” as an anchor to keep you in the situation by giving morsels of interest.  They want to actually be with someone better than you, but would probably, but not always like to keep you as a fall-back.

Unlike the confused person, these people know exactly what they are doing because they deliberately fail to say the three words “I Love You”, and actually use you for convenience such as sex, a place to stay, or moral support of some sort.  In other words, their agenda is a bout them and no matter how much money you spend, or what they desire, it will ever equal to being good enough.  In fact, they will get to a point of expecting more loyalty from you than they are willing to give and of course being used is part of the process.  They may want to use terms such as having their freedom, wanting to meet other people, or anything else, but if you propose to end the relationship, they are quick to object.  “Why should they ruin a good thing for them?”  One thing to understand about relationships is that when the sex and intimacy stops, a loss of respect is coming shortly and then a proposal for becoming friends.

If your partner cannot say “I Love You.” back to you, then it is time to move on, because you are wasting good energy on a bad situation.  One thing to be mindful about people like this is that they will perpetually seek out others no matter who they are with and fidelity is commonly and issue.  So in retrospect, you are not losing anything being without this person, but gaining your self-respect and saving emotional capital for a better person who can appreciate you.  The premise for this behavior is usually based on a bad past relationship that had nothing to do with you, but you are stilled judged by the legacy.  The fear for them is that he or she is missing out on life and that for some reason the expectation is that a new set of circumstances are better than the one you he or she is currently dealing with in the relationship.  The only thing that changes is that the new relationship sought is not routine and they are not familiar with the work associated with potentially sustaining it.   However, in many cases if things fail to workout, they may try to come back later or at least attempt to have updates on your life.

The main message here is to not allow yourself to become the fool and was time, emotions, and dignity on a pointless relationship.  Having a piece of a relationship is not worth the headache, and remember when the sex dies a good portion of the relationship is dead.

Not Shedding a Tear

The African-American community is a place where I have tried my best to avoid identifying with after realizing that it had not progressed much after so many decades of complacency. I threw my hands up on black men back in the 1990’s because those that were worth a damn were either more educated black women or with someone outside the race. I do not blame the brothers that got out, because I deliberately did the same. As a casualty of my decision, my friends from the ghetto had to go. I made sure to make a clean break. I have no grand illusions, because people will still judge me based on my skin-color. However, I find it easier to accept being qualified by affluent whites than by worthless blacks.

I speak this truth because growing up in poverty with ignorant people around you (including family) that cared not to open a book was not my cup of tea. I am much happier living in Orange County, California with a powerful white man by my side. It is so awkward during our family reunions to see my sister still with a black man with no job and their six kids. I learned from my mother’s failure as a strong black woman that it is all BS. There was nothing strong about her but the will to whip our asses and screw men on a regular basis, including the three that my high-yellow sister struggled to love each day.

Even though black folks care not to admit it, I found no glory in being black, poor, and irrelevant. Yes, I am a sell-out if you could call it so, but at least I made it out of that environment and even though white people will not accept me as their own, it is much better than the way black have treated me my whole life. I don’t have to wear a weave for my white husband, I don’t have to have tattoos, and I don’t have to wear revealing clothes to appeal to him. The self-esteem the community took from me in my formative years are restored with him. And I was so glad when he said he was an atheist. He thought it was a deal-breaker, but in fact it was a turn-on, because even though my mother took us to church, I never took it seriously because the pastor would always make it to my mother’s bedroom every other Sunday afternoon.

I find it comical that all of my former girlfriends in the South Central Los Angeles call themselves Queens and every other type of title you can think of to make themselves feel better on Facebook and Twitter. They tease men on social media and show vaginas ad ass on web cam sites for cash. However, that is their life choice and I have no compassion. So, black folks when I am with my husband and ignore you, it is not personal, it is universal.

Stealing Your Best friend’s Man

This is an article that people should pay attention to if you are female and unaware of what some women will do under the cover of friendship to steal your man. Guys should take note to understand this process. Ladies, “How many times have you had that one best-friend that you loved dearly, but had some aspects of her personality or character that you had to turn a blind-eye to when among your man or other peers?” The question looks like one that William Falkner would write.

Anyway, there are certain aspects of her personality that you admire and others that are not so appealing. You trusted this person until she tried to move on your man. Now, the question for many women is “How did she do that?” and “Why did she do this?” The answer is pretty simple. Most often than not you have given her the ammunition she needed to ruin your relationship. There are two ways this happens, one is an overt method and the other is the covert method. Yes, ladies if a woman or even your best-friend wants your man, she will try without exception.  The Overt Method is when you brag about how great your man is in bed or in the relationship in general.  The problem is that some women may view this as a challenge and therefore pursue it as a case of will.  What you disclose to these women openly is actively used against you to take your man.  Most women try to limit the interactions between their men and their female friends.  The obvious problem is that it smacks of insecurity and an astute single or committed female friend with wandering eyes may see this as insecurity and therefore knows where the vulnerabilities are in the relationship.  In essence she does not trust her female friends around her relationship.  However, most women are respectful and honor this protocol.  But those that think otherwise will use the information disclosed as a means to appeal to her best-friend’s partner without saying a word.

These women use the overt mistake of her best-friend’s bragging to allow the partner to come to her voluntarily so that she cannot be directly blamed for the act. The Overt Method is what we most commonly see on Jerry Springer when there is confrontation and drama.  This approach is more abrasive and is commonly used to humiliate her best-friend. Most often this comes from out of the blue with little explanation.  The difference in this method is that the female’s best-friend may openly pursue the partner using an all or nothing strategy.  This situation usually implies that the friendship was a Trojan Horse to get next to her relationship.  The common result of this practice is to openly point-out her best-friend’s weaknesses, failures, unmentioned embarrassing situations, and become more of an advocate for him to make her the adversary.  Now, it should be noted that this strategy is only used to destroy and nothing less than that.  This behavior can be expected in cases of perceived betrayal, being ignored, or over-looked for attention by the best-friend.  “Yes” women do this to avoid being lonely or without their best-friend.

Guys should be especially careful in this regard because in both methods it is essential for you to play a part for this scheme to actually work.  You may want to establish up front that your relationship is private and therefore the girlfriends do not need to know the specifics of it no matter how mad, sad, or glad she may become during the relationship.  When this is done and the woman abides by these terms, but breeches them gives the man the potential incentive to go forward with the best-friend’s agenda if provided through flirting etc.  However, a stand-up guy would leave the relationship if she insists on sharing, because it may eventually lead to one of her friends making a move.  This may be hard for many men to turn down in that she will probably have more information about what not to do to keep him.

The Pseudo Independent Woman

“I am an independent woman!” is an all too common and cliché’ phrase that women who are actually not empowered use to give the illusion or try to convince others that they are truly independent.  A truly independent woman would not have to say such a thing, but instead allow others to admire her actions.  The falsehood is that many people in general think that because they have their own apartment, condo, townhouse, or house they are considered independent, but this is not the case because being independent means that you are also not dependent on a company to provide you a livelihood that you do not own.  So, even though it may seem impressive to mention such a thing in conversation as a point to impress others, it is more of a personal victory more so than a banner to wave as an accomplishment to the world.  The fact is that as long as you work for someone else you remain dependent on the company for your progress and success to some degree.

When women used to mention this in conversation to seemingly make themselves more desirable as a potential dating partner I would ask two questions; 1) Where do you work? and 2) Do you own the company or a majority share-holder in it?  The answer was always “No” to both questions.  In essence people who have jobs and do not own properties yet because they are still paying on them are going about life normally.  And if they have paid-off debt, it is a pretty good position to be in when selecting a partner.  One thing that should be considered is that a person does not care to lose what they have despite gender.  This is the reason why men are not so impressed with the independent woman assertions because  they could have a mountain of debt following them as well.

Finances are a big issue in relationships even though we care not to mention the reality because it is not as romantic.  For instance, a one-night-stand is a financial risk for a guy in that he could be stuck paying child-support if a pregnancy results.  Also, the woman could be stuck with the liability of taking care of a child if the father is irresponsible.  Marrying someone with a lot of debt is another factor to consider because until those debts are assets or paid off in some way, the party with the debt is associated with that liability until things change.  Credit card and student loan debts are the two most common reasons that most people are excluded from potential relationships.  Others are child support, judgments, and alimony.  The best practice is to be debt-free prior to any relationship or have such a low debt to income ration that it poses no threat.  And “Yes”, some people are bold enough to ask for credit scores.  However, if it ever gets to this level and you are not going to marry the person it is time to move on.  This is also a filter that inadvertently leaves those with bad credit in the company of other singles in the same situation.  One thing that you should avoid is the expectation of anyone bailing you out of debt and be very reluctant for those willing to do so freely.  Years ago, I had the luxury of dating an obscenely wealthy young-lady who insisted on paying off my debts and buying me anything I so desired.  Despite efforts to thwart such advances, she purchased the US$1K suits, Rolex watches, etc.  I made sure to thank her, but never took possession of the items and thankfully, I followed my first mind.  Her next boyfriend chose to take on the items, cars, use of private jets, and homes in various parts of the world.  All was wonderful until he chose attempt to venture on his own and she quickly clamped down on those ambitions and basically had a pet that she could control because it was all her domain.  Years later she and I remain cordial friends and his life is still controlled without a chance in hell of ever getting his paws on her family’s money.  So in essence the compromise he was willing to make cost him his dignity, personal respect, and all of his dreams and aspirations in life for security.  It would have been laughable to hear him say “I’m an independent man.”

The reality is that everyone needs someone to make things happen including Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, etc.  If it could have been done solely by one person then there would have been far more millionaires in the United States than there are currently.  Couples that unite and work together with measured goals are usually the most successful because the struggle actually bonds them closer.  The added benefit is that they know who they can trust.  Think about the successful singles who have to go out and weed through people to find just one person they can trust will blowing capital all along the way.  Now, it is true that people can change when money is involved, but they actually do not change it is commonly and element of their personality that you may not have seen before.

Unfortunately, the independent woman argument is used more with African-American women which falls in line with many of the complaints that some African-American men have about some women using this assertion.  It sounds confrontational and masculine and many of the guys seek a more feminine woman that does not have to go there.  There are independent women of all ethnicities that never make an assertion of this nature and still manage to find a wonderful partner and have a great life.  And the foolish notion that money is the answer to a bad relationship is a joke because money is a tool to make life more comfortable, not a relationship mediator.  In any case, finances will have to come up at some point in a long-term relationship to approach it wisely.

Dipping the Pen into Company Ink

You are single or married, on the job, working hard and minding your business when you notice straying eyes lingering your way from another co-worker.  At first you ignore it and then you glance sharply back at him or her.  To your surprise, you are being observed for your body, but meet eye-to-eye with that individual.  A bit uncomfortable you clear your throat.  At this point there are five primary options;
  1. Ask them what is wrong?
  2. Exchange the stare in mutual fashion,
  3. Tear-off to HR to file a sexual harassment grievance.
  4. Ignore it all together and continue working.
  5. Confront the person with “What are you looking at?”

These five options are the most readily applied to situations of this nature.  However, most companies have policies against inner-office relationships for good reason.  In any case, you should never take the lead on a romantic advance in the work-place despite how casual the environment may seem.  A company handbook can always apply to inappropriate behavior that could land you on the unemployment line.  Women are known to flirt with men in the work-place; however a wink and a smile is rarely reported as a romantic advance.  However, if a man does so it can easily apply and impact his career in a major way.  One rule-of-thumb for guys is to never respond to any advance from a woman in the work-place despite how casual she tries to come across.  The risk for a guy is that if it comes down to your word against hers, she will win in most cases by default based on social perception.

There are several tactics that some women may use such as hanging-out at your desk or cubicle a lot with  conversations totally unrelated to work.  I hate to say this guys, but you should view women at work as if they are men in the positions they hold and nothing more or less.  The reason for this approach is to avoid the perception of discrimination and or gender bias.  A man should always allow her to make the advances and never respond. I know this sounds crazy for a guy to ignore advances from a woman, but it can cost you a reputation, a job, and fines if you lose.  When I used to work in the corporate realm, I avoided assisting women with everything unless it involved not being around her when the task needed to be completed in respect to moving items or other  request that could cause accidental physical contact of any sort.  It seems rather extreme; however in one company there were 42 grievances filed by mostly female employees from a man having a perceived attitude against them to gender-based conspiracies.  I implemented a five-foot rule with women in the work place with a 100% no physical contract policy.

The problem for most guys is not knowing the level of sensitivity a particular woman has when it comes to the other gender because these dispositions do not stop at the employee entrance to the company.  The measures I instituted were rather extreme, but no one in the work-place came before my livelihood because there were more women I did not know outside the work-place that I could meet without the stress and overhead.  Now, as we know there are many men that do not know how to conduct themselves in the work-place and of course wind-up in serious trouble if reported.

Even though, I have mentioned some of the risks, there are those men and women who really do not care and will risk it in the hopes of being happy.  One of the most alluring factors is the time that the employees spend together conducting company business.  During the banter and conversations, you get a glimpse into their personality and preferences.  This is usually the beginning of the co-worker friendship.  However, as these friendships develop, it becomes like a game of chess where both parties move pieces of their personality and lives toward the middle of the board.  This mutual interest may lead to lunch, dinner, or cock-tails after hours.  If the situation escalates to this point, there are some issues must be considered before one step further.  Again, the best practice is to never have a relationship with someone within your organization.  Now back to human nature and the real world.  The employees must consider the following concerns:

  1. What is your marital status & that of your co-worker?
  2. If married, how would the two of you maneuver your schedules to interact and meet?
  3. Would the spouses know up-front or would excuses and lies do until the truth is revealed?
  4. What would be the plan if one or both of the spouses found out?
  5. How would an extra-marital affair impact your future income in respect to divorce or separation?
  6. What type of relationship would this become?  A short-term fling, long-term commitment, or a one-time thing?
  7. Would the relationship be covert or overt when it comes to the public including those in the company?
  8. What are the rules for behavior at work with this potential partner?
  9. How far will this relationship go? Kissing, fondling, petting, sexual, or straight-out love.
  10. Would the two of you have a big reveal at work at some point?
  11. Are you or your potential partner willing to leave the company and handle any disciplinary if discovered?
  12. Did you ask him or her has she ever done this before?
  13. What is the contingent pregnancy or STD plan?
  14. Is there an exit strategy if the risks becomes to high?
  15. Can you remain co-workers if things fail and remain cordial?
  16. Would you reveal compromising information about the co-worker if things fail to garner support?
  17. If there is a split and employee choose sides will you be responsible in doing your part to thwart any hard feelings?
  18. Do both of you have professional skills to get jobs in other companies?

These are just 18 of the preliminary questions that if asked to both parties about getting together a second thought would probably undergo consideration. But that is less likely to occur.  The attraction and chemistry becomes so strong at times that rational thought and fear goes out the window.  Instead, personal interest prevails which means love and or lust remains the challenge.

The first kiss between co-workers is the beginning because despite what most people openly admit to , there is a lingering curiosity about how someone in your work-place would look naked. This is only human nature, but when one acts or speaks on the curiosity is the point where things can become very nebulous. Even though, you may find true love or true lust in the work-place a best practice is to wait until one of you are no longer employed with the company to pursue things further.  As an adult it is best to again error on the side of caution.

Flirting Wives

One of the most annoying experiences for most single men are “Flirting Wives”.  These are married women that will never leave their spouses, but get a thrill out of teasing men out of their attention-spans and wallets.  Their intentions are by default, to get attention.  In many instances these women are neglected or over-looked in their current marital situations and expect to get what they cannot get from their men for strangers or more specific single men.

The benefit for these women is they have no obligation or responsibility for whatever happens such as a one-night-stand or just innocent flirting with no intentions of seeking a serious relationship.  Most often, these women are unhappy with themselves and therefore project this on other men as a power-grab.  They may not be in charge of things at home, but feel as though they are in charge outside their domain.  Another type of woman that may use this practice are those that have no respect for their current partner.  The one thing that a single man must ask is “Could I become the next guy going through the same situation?”

Single men are encouraged to avoid these women like the plague on the dating scene, because they usually do this on a regular basis and may have a serious following.  Do not be surprised if these women have 5,000 friends on a Facebook Page with the majority of course being male.  These women may dress provocatively, proudly wear their wedding ring as immunity from being considered for a serious relationship.  One other factor about many of these personality types is that they are so consumed with hoarding attention, they may not know when to sit down.  Single men may encounter these women well into their sixties attempting to remain relevant even though they have passed their prime.  A common selling-point for some of these women is easy-access to sex, especially if the guy is younger.

The main reason to avoid these women has much to do with the baggage they carry such as disrespecting their own marriage, possible kids, and family concerns.  They are usually obligated in some way to conform to a schedule that limits accessibility to them and therefore they may choose to try to dictate the narrative of the relationship and when the best times for meet-ups.  Do not be surprised if these women have slept around or used guys in the past which may mean a potential for some form of confrontation beyond just the scope of the husband.

Never believe a word from the mouths of these women because they rarely tell the whole truth, but cherry-pick the benefits of being with them.  Guilt is another tool they use in order to manage or manipulate single men. In fact, the single man has the power in that he is free and she is not so never allow her to relegate your freedom based on her marital situation in regards to time and resources.

They may speak ill of their spouses in a way to portray themselves as a victim that need to be rescued in some manner emotionally.  You may hear tough talk about divorcing the spouse, but it is rare and highly unlikely, because they are actually comfortable in their current situation despite the angry talk.  Fantasy-fulfillment is another reality of women with this disposition in regards to being with someone based solely on race, endowment, wealth, or appearance.  Yes, it is understandable that marriage does not mean one is dead in the physical sense, but someone compelled by a fantasy usually will find themselves on a perpetual quest for more.

Men that deal with these women may discover all of the bad things in their situation and rarely find out about the positive things that the husbands provide them.  Now, there are also other that may have weaker husbands or in some cases “Cuck-holds” that take charge in the marriage and dictate the terms of the relationship such as conditions in which they can have sex with their spouse.  I have had experiences in the past where married women of this caliber have invited home with them for bedding provided that their husbands could watch.  Needless to say, that was not my thing and passed on the opportunity.

The bottom-line is these women are mainly time-wasters and are notorious for placing personal ads on single dating sites in the hopes of getting a single man they really do not deserve under their current marital status.  A common phrase used is “Separated”, however a legally binding document keeps them with the spouse.  Remember, there is a reason this person is in this situation and comes to you as if you should respect it and go along.  This mess of a life is considered normal to them and therefore they seek someone that can accept this situation as it is presented.  As a single man, you deserve much better instead of getting in the middle of an existing relationship and the drama associated with it.  Telling lies is also a common thread among these personality types, even though some may be honest and upfront to a certain point, but remember a lie has to be told to someone in order for things to work, whether it is you are their spouse.

Now, there are some factors to consider, some of these women may not know any better, others may not care, and yet others may use singles in a way to spice up their relationship.  In any case beware and be safe and avoid the drama.

Mother & Daughter Competition

One of the most disturbing experiences that a younger woman can have is for her mother to disrespect her and sleep with her man.  Yes, there are some mature women out there that find it amusing to engage in this practice, leaving the daughter heart-broken and suspicious.  The most often cause of this gross violation of trust and respect has to do with an act of selfishness and disregard to the daughter.    In some instances this is a delayed reaction of resentment of the daughter being born.  Others may see this as competition.  However, one common factor is low self-esteem on the part of the mother.

We all know that relationships should and must have boundaries, but there are some people in general that are reared without them or ignore them.  You may see this behavior among people that have reared themselves without the guidance of parents or other respectable figures.  This competition may begin innocently and escalate based on the amount attention the mother may receive from her daughter’s man.  Now this transgression may occur with aunts and or other relatives that may have a sense of entitlement.

One of the early signs of this behavior may begin with inappropriate attire or the potential of the boyfriend seeing the mother opt relative nude at some point.  This introduction may begin early in the daughter’s relationship with the young man or later after she has had a chance to feel him out.  There have been some rare accounts according to some of the email we have received of mothers actually having a pre-qualifier of sleeping with the guy discreetly prior to allowing him to date the daughter.  Yes, this is dysfunction at its finest, but the illogical logic is that if he is good enough for me then he is good enough for my daughter.  It should be of no surprise that many of these relationships occur discreetly without the daughter’s knowledge.

On one awkward account, a then 19 year-old guy was at a singles mixer and wound up talking to a woman about 48 years of age.  The two eventually had sexual relations for several months with her avoiding the ridicule of explaining to family members of being with such a young guy.  Eventually, the affair was over and they parted ways and he attended college in another part of the city.  In his senior year, he fell in love with an attractive blonde in her early twenties.  They relished in bliss until Spring Break. She finally felt the relationship was strong enough for him to meet the parents.  He became uncomfortable upon arriving to the same house where he had bedded her mother about three years prior.  The young-man failed to disclose to his new love about his previous relationship with the lady in the home.  When he met her mother, there was an awkward pause at the front-door as the mother and father greeted their daughter while holding hands.  Sadly, the mother and young gentleman kept their secret and continued to see each other for years even after he and the daughter ended their relationship.

This is one very rare example of how these situations may occur.  The premise of the relationship was based on an unhappy wife venturing out for a younger man and ironically winding up with her daughter’s boyfriend.  However, most incidents of this situation occur deliberately.  What we have to consider is that some of these mothers have been in or remain in unfulfilling relationships and therefore they may feel trapped, unloved, or under-appreciated.  Having the younger man may make her feel appreciated and being that he is probably gang to be with her daughter allows her the ease of access as a benefit.  In other words, the daughter is used as bait to keep him there and the mother may leverage her influence on the relationship to extort him for sex.

Needless to say, this is a disorder and there have been news accounts of mothers being caught with their daughter’s men or ex’s in compromising situations.  However, the nom is that most mothers establish a level of respect and their relationships will never go so low.  But we must remember that normalcy is the rule and this behavior is the exception and not vice-versa.  A younger woman should be aware of how her mother interacts with her boyfriend in regards in inappropriate behavior or living too vicariously through her daughter’s relationship it him.  Again as mentioned earlier, attire is important, because saying that he is a member of the family as mother prances around in underwear or short skirts to attract the attention is something to consider.

Most often sex and attention are the key factors in most of these women acting out this way, so therefore it may fall on the shoulders of both the boyfriend and daughter to immediately set the boundaries if the mother does not have the discipline to do so.

Qualifiers for Cheaters on the Dating Scene

There are two fundamental terms that singles must become familiar with prior to hitting the dating scene “I’m a little married” and “I’m married but looking”.  These two terms are qualifiers for those who are ready to cheat on their partner or spouse.  It is about 50/50 when it comes to the gender of the person that will use this pseudo-cute cliché’.  The single person needs to keep in mind that by using this qualifier he or she does not feel fully obligated to his or her spouse.  This means that there is a good possibility that the marriage serves a less important purpose for him or her.  On the other-hand, this also implies that if you are approached by someone using this qualifier, you are not a priority to them either when compared with their own self-interest.

As mentioned in my blogs and articles before, cheating is a selfish act and therefore the individual is more concerned about his or her welfare first and the others fall in line after the fact.  These individuals are usually trying to avoid domestic troubles at home from a lack in communications in the marriage or relationship and ready to leave with one foot outside the marriage and the other inside it as a mere place-holder.  Rarely do these individuals take meeting a single person on the dating scene seriously.  In fact, it is not uncommon for them to disclose their marital status up-front.  The rationale behind this is to establish that they are seeking satisfaction for the moment and reveal that they are married as a stop-gap measure to avoid any further pursuit of a relationship.  They may take it from flirtation to sexual encounters.  This has more to do with power than anything else.  Most often these individuals want to see if they still have what it takes to get an outsider to want them.  The benefit for him or her is to stroke the ego and to flaunt it in the face of a spouse or partner as leverage in the relationship.

There are some people that do this solely for the purpose of lifting low self-esteem through this form of attention. However, the primary uses of the two terms is to create an incentive for the individual to compete against the spouse or partner at that time for their attention and to feel important.

Catching Your Partner Cheating Online

When we think of cheating, the thought may often center around finding your partner or spouse in the act. In fact, most cheating and infidelity is conducte online. Yes, messenger services and mobile apps are the newest form of this practice. The primary reason for this is convenience and comfort. The distance and anonimity also helps in this endeavor. The premise for cheating is a lack of appreciation of the other party. It is also evident that the person being cheated on is devalued in some capacity. One common equivalency is the devaluation of men when they lose a job or women when they cannot birth a child for whatever reason. This level of devaluation is used when the other party is viewed as an obstacle to the growth of the other. In most cases these sentiments are more superficial than real in the sense that the grass seems greeener on the other side. The problem is that one of the parties have become too familiar with the situation and therefore seeks a change of sorts and not specifically with the person they are engage with in a relationship.

Boredom is the operative word and mobile devices are constantly used to convey these sentiments. It is not uncommon for a party to disclose all of the problems in the relationship with a total stranger that may not care to deal with the person or the problem outside of the sexual benefits. The more a person tells what is wrong with his or her relationship depicts what they are willing to tolerate. The natural response is to counter the behavior or sentiments of the person’s partner or spouse. The end result is the development of a new relationship with the other person knowing the weakness in his or her new prospect. The stranger or other party is the only beneficiary in this situation because he or she knows the weaknesses of the whole relationship. This is why players are so successful in ruining relationships and walking away scott-free. They have no emotional capital in the venture and only enter into them for their sole benefit and nothing more.

There are a lot of people that just prey off of these abnormalities in relationships, taking advantage of the situation for their own benefit. Most often they can care less about familial issues or the behavior of the partner and only see an opportunity for fresh-meat. You can go to any single site or log into a mobile app and discover a host of married and committed people seeking singles and others to vent frustrations while being entertained. The primary problem with this sort of situation for a person in a committed relationship is that he or she may have higher expectations of the other person than they have intended for them. One thing that is evident is the number of extra-marital affairs that never materialize beyond sexual activity. In short the third-party is fully aware that the same thing that he or she is doing now is more than likely a pattern of behavior regardless of the obligatory denials and assertions that “This is the first time…” Pros on the dating scene see through this smoke-screen because they are more experienced and active than a novice cheating on a partner on the down-low.

The motivation of the guy or girl on the other end of the message or mobile app is to paint a grand picture of a better life. The reality is that more often than nto it is an illusion because the difficulties associated with the new person has not been revealed. So, it becomes like starting over in a brand new realtionship. A true player of this game will mirror the sentiments of the prospect to the point of being the ideal person sought all of thier life. The goal is to be better than the current partner, but not too good as to get into a situation that he or she cannot quickly void. In short the mutual goal is happiness on a superficial level, but neither party would care to admit this truth.

One tactic that some use to catch their spouse or partner is to create a new account and go online with a totally false profile or having a friend to do so. Men use this tactic more so than women in the sense they use the Internet far more. However, there are clusters of women who also use this strategy. The main goal of an individual doing this is to see exactly how badly thya re disliked by their partner. As a person that chose to do this one in my past, the sentiments that was revealed about me was very difficult to endure throughout the three months long period of engaging dialogue. Finally, it came to one night that we were supposed to meet at a restaurant. She was shocked upon seeing me there and I politely handed her a very nice card that said “Good-bye”. Needless-to-say, denial was the first thing that she tried to use. I got into my car and never saw her again to this day. Messages were left about me being deceitful, but I countered with the covert actions she took as mutually offensive.

Even though I thought it was very childish, I learned quickly that life had more to offer than one individual in one city. Intutition is usually right and igoring it only assists in the dance of mis-steps in relationships. From what I gathered from the instant messages, she hated me more than Hitler because in her words, “I was too nice.” Interestingly enough, she married and after several trips to the hospital courtesy of her new bad boy, she emailed me forto arrange lunch. Going against my better judgment, I chos eto meet and the first thing that entered my mind was “What the hell was going on with me?” I could finally look at the situation objetively and understood that she was not worth the aforementioned efforts in the first place. From that moment on, I decided to leave upon the first red flag of infidelity.

Some people like myself value their time over emotional conflict. Now, getting back to you, the best way to avoid all of this madness is to understand that the communications will escalate over time to a point of making plans without you. Yes, it will get to a point that you will become irrelevant and they are solely focused on the individual ont eh other end of the messenger service. Their hope is risk it all for the other person because you are not worth the risk of staying in the relationship. Isolation is a common practice, then youa re treated as if you are contaminated and of course intimacy goes out the door. “We should start seeing other people” is usually the calling card. At this point they have lost all interest in you and the detachment escalates to a point where you to are not even in the same space on any level.

People love to use the term, “I have fallen out of love with you”, in fact they never went that far int he first place in some cases, but instead see others as opportunities and not partners. The downside to this behavior is that as they tire of people, people also tire of them. Think about the number of married people leaving thier spouses or lovers in the hopes of being with someone better. Economics is the first thing that many women use to distance themselves from men, and men commonly use a woman’s build or weight as his easy-out for cheating. The truth is that going into relationships people hope to be the Walmart of love and instead may only have the excitement of a new car until after a year or two.

Younger people are slowing their rate of marriage after witnessing some of the behavior in the past where more than before a considerable number of these young men and women come from divorced or single-parent families. Therefore, many of them may not have witnessed a healthy relationship in their lives, so they have no clue about sustaining one. Cheating can be viewed as a symptom of a larger problem that the perception of you has changed from the perspective of your partner. He or she will more likely than not find others that support her position and use them as the sentiment needed to end the relationship.

One interesting chracteristic is that married women are slower to jump out into a dating situation with someone online in comparison to divorcees and singles. The one type of person to avoid on the dating scene are the time-wasters or those that are married that want to just vent about their situation. The others are the divorcees and in some cases singles that are perpetual daters that just seek out people to sleep with and become winded and dined by. These women and men are usually older and have undergone a lot of situations and now want to just mingle. They are great for sex wasting money and precious time and nothing else because if you get emotionally involved ther is a good probability of being hurt. Whn something taumatic happens in their lives, they usually try to get serious. I think of a situation years ago when a woman I knew enoyed the benefits of being with a gentleman that was more serious about her than she was about him. She teased him about a future together as companions; however, when she became ill she wanted to marry ( primarily to assist in paying the medical bills). Unfortunately, the gentle passed away and left his estate and wealth to the State of California. She suffered miserably before dying.

The sad truth is that we take people for granted and through it all when it comes down to brass-tacks, that faithful person that may be so casually ignored or dismissed may be that green grass after the fields you sought turned brown. On the dating scene over the years I have witnessed this over and over again and even though a partner may have the best laid plans for their lives, they may think that they know better. It i much like the person who makes a hit song, accepts US$10k and sign over North American serial right only to realize that the song grossed over US$200Mil. A fool know the price of everything but the value of nothing.