When Should You Let Go of a Relationship?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
The word commitment is a very strong one in the terms of relationships and some people bind themselves to others based solely on it. However, there comes a time when the risks and obligations out-weigh the benefits. People are usually slow to admit they are wrong because it reflects a bit on their character and judgment. The emotional attachment is the equity put into a relationship and the last thing a person wants to hear is that the relationship is failing or if neglected, has failed. Friends and family are commonly the first indicators when it comes to seeing something out of sync in a relationship and it comes down to the brave soul that is willing enough to tell the person on the losing end. Today with Twitter, Facebook and other social media, relationships are started and terminated without the luxury of meeting face to face. Women commonly have more difficulty in a break-up in a relationship than men based on social norms more than anything else. A man is expected to remain strong and not shed a tear in front of her. Women on the other hand may go to further extremes in order to sustain the relationship. In so many ways, women are the nurturers of the relationship, ensuring that the integrity of it remains intact, they set the pace and tone of the union. Men provide the logistics for the endeavor to flourish. This is a 50/50 situation.
Unfortunately, when one member of the relationship decides that he or she wants out, there are a lot of things that come to light. Relationships are an emotional experience that becomes part of one’s routine, giving people purpose, and shared responsibility. In many cases when a relationship dies, the purpose of an individual comes into question. Think about couples that have been married for decades and suddenly there is a divorce. The woman may have to take more time to adjust to a new role not only in relation to being single, but in the sense of losing the status associated with someone married including friends and associates. There is a great sense of loss.
Women are usually the fighters for relationships and may be harder to convince that all was done to salvage them. This is especially true when it comes to women with children. Their interest is the priority and keeping the family unit intact becomes vital. Counseling is a way that many modern women attempt to retain a relationship that is in jeopardy or fix issues that are sticking-points. However, rejection by a partner is no easy feat to master and personalizing that rejection heightens emotions.
The best practices for protecting yourself from being potentially hurt begins with the introduction of your partner to friends and family. Take notice of their initial reaction to him or her because there are things that you may not see. Remember that all people have experiences and some may see things that may be red-flags to avoid. If you are just getting to know this person, don’t be so quick to become their advocate in respect to friends and family because if it is a bad start, things can only get worse. If things go well initially and you notice some problems, discuss them immediately and do not do what some do by letting it fester and become part of the relationship. In the case the two of you reach a stale-mate early on about an issue, you and your partner may try counseling by a licensed professional. However, if he or she fails to participate or gives good lip-service just to get through it, cut your losses early before too much emotional capital is spent.
Before going into a relationship it does well be to mindful that it can end abruptly and you should have a strategy to deal with it. For instance, if he decides to shut down completely and state he wants out without reason or comment, it is natural to try to effectively communicate. You should not dwell on it too long because if you do it will become more of a personalized rejection that is far harder to manage than a situational rejection. Some people attempt a post interview with their partner once it is announced that he or she is leaving, this only works if the other party is willing to discuss the matter. If you have effective communications in the beginning, it helps if he or she cares to discuss it. What you must remember is that shutting down and wanting out is a selfish act on the part of the other person and your feelings, equity in the relationship and time are irrelevant to that person at that point in time.
Before accepting this individual back into your life if and when they decide to open up, you should protect yourself emotionally and approach the interaction as if you are beginning anew with objectivity and skepticism at the fore-front. The other party will have to use full disclosure as to the reason for shutting down and you should express to him or her about the cost you have undertaken during that period. It would be wise to allow him or her to measure up to the level of trust they left with, do not give it to them again at the same level initially. View it as an employee that left the job unannounced and they are reapplying to work for you again. Bring him or her back as an intern and monitor their progress through the stages. Leaving the emotional and sexual elements out of the process will eliminate him or her coming back to a sexually comforting situation.
If you do not decide to allow this person back into your life, void the guilt and stick with the facts as they were when the individual left because if it was done once, it can be done again and the words, “I’ve changed.” are meaningless without the protracted actions to prove this change. People have certain opportunities to be in your life at certain points in it and the duration is entirely up to you. In the event of a spouse or partner passing it is understandable to become emotionally torn for an extended period, but you cannot dwell on memories and must live for the person you loved that died.
The whole process of letting go is based on your time and how you let go is the key. Fighting for a relationship just to have the children’s father in the house while being at total odds is not healthy and could lead to even more complications. Also, fighting for a partner that insists on cheating is not the answer and turning a blind eye to infidelity benefits no one, not even the other person because as he or she has deceived you, they will deceive another.
Make sure that you have thought out an emotional protective strategy and plan to protect yourself in the event of the demise of a relationship and understand that the world does not end with divorce papers or a break-up but begins with the first step toward your future growth.