When it comes to a healthy marriage, lots of people have plenty of advice to dish out. Most people might ask the question: Well, since you guys are having a difficult time right now, let me ask, how’s the sex life? But, as it turns out, sex and communication aren’t the only ways to steer a rocky…

via A New Study Found A Surprising Way To Increase Marriage Satisfaction — And It’s Not More Sex — HelloBeautiful

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Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments

Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have been rather reserved about my comments about Don Sterling (Clippers Owner). Yes, it was insensitive for him to make those alleged comments. However, I think it was equally wrong for his mistress to use public embarrassment to resolve a private matter. Let’s face it, had she not been going through legal issue with him and his wife, no one would have cared. It is understandable that he may have views and so do we when it comes to certain preferences even though we would like to assume that life is all politically correct.

However, in this instance, she exploited this opportunity along with African-American sentiments to get back at him more so than anything else about us. I am sure she has heard other things before this tape-recorded incident and chose not to go to the public about it. However, when things are not in a person;s favor, there is no telling how low a person will go to hurt another. Was she outraged when he bought her the Bentley, Ferrari and Range Rover? Probably not. It amazes me when minorities become rich (temporary wealth), they are not so impacted by the nature of beast of racism. It still exist in the hearts of some people, but not as it did when laws were in place to ensure the racial divide. I do not condone his remarks in any way, but just think about the people you despise each day and how you manage to tolerate them long enough to get your pay-check and cash it.

I am less offended about what he said, because he would say it whether public or private and he is under no moral obligation to anyone to modify his behavior. However, I am more offended by the mistress trying to create a call-to-action because things did not go her way. All of the African-American leaders condemned the man. Think about it for a moment, he is in his 80’s and respectfully what is she doing with him in the first-place? He is well past her senior, married, wealthy, and has her as his souvenir and fantasy. There is no doubt he has views about African-Americans and other minorities and even though we may not life them, many have died for the right for him to speak despite his 18th Century mindset.

This is a learning tool not just for minority females, but females in general, no matter how wealthy a man is, money will not change his sentiments and beliefs. She took a risk on playing a high-stakes game and in the end lost as the wife prepares to sue her. The most tragic element to this whole thing is that despite all of the comments and trashing, there will be people supporting the franchise. So in retrospect the price was very high for her to pay for the life of luxury, her personal dignity. The short-cut to wealth by sleeping with a guy for his bucks is what guys like Sterling look-out for and understand that the few coins that he shells out to her is marginal to what the wife gets in return.

At best this is a glorified form of prostitution that ended badly and the race-card is the only weapon she had left to fight-back with in the end. Even if he is racist, the man is 80 something years old and what power does he have over you? Nothing, the players can be traded to other teams or serve-out the terms of their contracts if so desired. Minorities to him may be a necessary evil from his perspective and therefore he exploits them for profit. However, one thing to keep in mind is that even though all of this comes out now, and African-American general manager by the name of Elgin Baylor worked for the Clippers for almost 30 years.

So before allowing this woman to have a nation serve her agenda, we need to be objective and look at the motivations for it. This is not a racially motivated situation, but one that exploits racism to hurt Don Sterling in his pocket and through his reputation. Again, in now way are his alleged remarks acceptable, but is also not acceptable for a grown woman to use a dispute to garner public favor either.

It should be noted that Elgin Baylor is suing Don Sterling for being terminated in 2009 based on age and racial discrimination.  As you can see despite the racial over-tones,an extramarital affair leads to this sort of racial tension.

Why We Marry?

Why We Marry?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

Men marry women hoping their physical appearance will never change, Women marry men hoping they will change their habits. Both are disappointed and settle for their stubborn and aging spouse. Very simplistic with a hint of truth in there somewhere. Even though we’re using a simplistic model in describing something that’s a little bit more complex it conveys the same message that a values associated based on gender in regards to marriage.

We are taught by tradition to value the institution of marriage. However, this is the premise for this adoration has more to do with the institutions around marriages, such as bridal companies, florist, and other ancillary services. The institution of marriage is commercialize to suit the needs of businesses based on the personal motivation and desires of the participants in relationships. Think for a moment of the costs for funeral, there are more costs associated with free burial services than with actually burying the individual. Making money off of the extreme emotional appeal of people such as happiness upon buying an automobile, a home, or being approved for a student loan remains an incentive for emotional base marketing and sales. This is classified as euphoric marketing when an enterprise can capitalize on the emotional appeal of an individual based on his or her perceived happiness for elation. The same occurs during the grieving after a loved one has met their demise.

There are other pressures that may force us to consider marriage that do not directly apply to our own agendas, appeal, or even plans for the future. We do this more out of pleasing others in society as a whole sometimes more so than for own benefit. We see this in arrange marriages, sacrificial marriages, and yes even shotgun weddings.

The basis for many of our decisions to marry is largely due to an emotional appeal in some way form orr fashion. We may call it love, or what we perceive as love to be the sole motivation behind undertaking such an endeavor. In reality, marriage is a contract between two people to oppose certain level of respect decency and loyalty throughout the process until death or divorce. This means joint financial liability and all of the benefits tax-breaks etc. afforded the couples.

There are various reasons to marry some valid with long-term agendas and others with short-term goals. The premise of this endeavor is to ensure some sort of exclusivity and access denied others during the duration of the enterprise. You may look at marriage as a business in a sense, because with it comes branding, integrity and valves commonly used inadvertently as a mission statement. There is shared liability, exposure to risk, a merging of assets, and legal considerations.

People may spend more time on searching for interest rates on automobile purchases than actually considering the right person to marry. This is one of the aspects of our lives that we assume love will conquer all and in some instances we leave the state of the marriage in the hands of the deity or belief that things will take care of themselves. Of course this is an illogical approach to a life altering situation. So therefore fear of marriage plays a significant role in our decisions to consider such a demanding feat.

Another illogical aspect of marriage is the immediate denial for some to seek counseling based on a poor decision made in selecting a partner. Instead we would like to assume that we did not make a mistake and we are therefore charged with going through with the decision we made whether or not it is feasible to continue. This is where many people wind up in trouble, and in divorce court. Denial plays a big part in the failure of many of these marriages. Not the denial after marriage, but the denial prior to marriage before saying I do or taking the vows. The most important aspect of this denial has to do with the fact of avoiding criticism from third parties and family members about selecting the person you love. The sense of embarrassment may cause us to make irrational or illogical choices for the sake of just being right or not allowing friends and family to win.

In conclusion, marriage warrants more consideration than just and I love you, but a long-term feasibility that will require sacrifice and yet pay dividends. Using marriage is a premise to imply that by doing so life will be better is a grave mistake that is made perpetually by youth generation after generation.