The Sexually Incompatible Couple
J A U S A N ® “
a private online community since 1995″
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
Contrary to popular belief, there are thousands if not millions of couples that do not have sex due to a myriad of reasons from religious observations to down-right hating the practice. Now, in some of these relationships, one party may be satisfied with the arrangement and the other may have serious issues with the intimate portion of their alliance. One common theme that resonates is the lack of interest, especially among some females after having children and being married. This should be expected because men may fail to realize the associations with motherhood in the sense that women add another role to their resume when it comes to pleasing others. Yes, women have to please family, friends, bosses, and of course their men. This is one practical function that is regularly over-looked especially when it comes down to being responsible for the maintenance of the household. There are many women who take on the expected tasks without any difficulty the does not reflect in bedroom performances, but their remains a number that are literally exhausted. These women can easily classify sex as a chore or even a job. In some cases they may go through the motions of enjoying the experience more so to get it over with than to actually enjoy the venture. Problems arise however when they treat sex as a job that they hate, then this may be the first layer of the peeling onion.
This fatigue may not even be solely about sex as it could derive from just being tired. However, women are expected in many cases to put on a smile until her man rolls over and falls asleep. In cases of this nature a woman may want to speak with a professional to discover ways of managing or spacing herself so that she is not so overwhelmed. The reason for addressing this sooner than later has more to do with preventing a spiral in sexual relations that could result in potential infidelity on the part of her partner.
The word obligation is used a lot in matters of the bedroom for certain women. However, in Guy-Code, when a single guy hears a woman say “My wifely duties…” the immediate assumption is that sex hates sex. This helps in avoiding certain types of women, especially the more mature “Cougars”. The predisposition of the man is based more on a preconceived stereo-type based solely on such a statement. It may sound trivial, but the way most singles weed-out the potential bad decisions and mistakes is through such methods. What a guy fears the most is marrying a woman that hates sex for whatever reason.
Women, however do get frustrated with men that either ejaculate too quickly, or have difficulty getting and erection. Of course, there are products on the market that may assist them, but there are still concerns about the lingering effects on health. Another, issue that most women would never mention to a guy directly is the inadequacy of his penis in respect to size and vigor. Yes, I went there, because like a woman may become exhausted from everyday tasks, she may want to avoid sex due to a sense of preconceived disappointment. It is no surprise that according to data acquired by the Kinsey Institute, the highest demographic of females that masturbate with male partners and spouses are women between the ages of 25 – 29 years of age. They are expected to do this with a partner at least 64% over the lifetime of a relationship. Women ages 30 – 39 fall into the second largest category with 63.1%. However, as they mature, the masturbatory practices with partners decreases, but individual masturbation increases with age. The finding can be interpreted as ambiguous in the sense that minds cannot be read, but for the most part these practices can be accomplished without the partner which leads us to conclude that having the terms of the stimulation dictated by the individual, it is easy to conclude that other party may not be necessary in the sexual sense.
The systemic problem may evolve where self-stimulation is more pleasurable and satisfying than being intimate with the partner and therefore sex between the two may not be something that is required. Even though this may sound speculative, these remain viable considerations. Besides this practice there may be those that prefer to have another partner that could more readily fulfill the needs. In some extreme cases a break-up may result from this stalemate so that this element of the relationship may be fulfilled. The toughest reality for some is to include sex in the portfolio of dating and marital bliss.
There are the problematic past life experiences that may hamper sexual relations such as a traumatic sexual assault or abuse. This is a situation that may not be so clearly erased with a wedding ring. Both men and women should consider the work that must take place to both address and acknowledge the impact. Some may have moved on with their lives by seeking counseling and support to assist in managing the trauma, while others may attempt to go it alone and self-medicate. This form of self-medication may include avoiding sexual situations totally, establishing special rules for intimacy, or even swinging to the other way by not having any inhibitions. There is no magic pill that will cure people that experienced such a horrible situation. Therefore, before dating or marrying someone that has survived such a situation, patience is important. Also, if they share such information throughout the relationship, they will need support, and understanding because they have trusted you with something that is equivalent to being robbed of their humanity.
Now, there are women and men who suppress sexual relations based solely on religious grounds, this may mean not having sex until married, only having sex after marriage to procreate. The worst thing that a single person who does not subscribe to this practice can do is to pursue a relationship if the requirements cannot be met. Yes, there are people that allow their personal egos to get in the way and they just want to have sex with that person despite the values and doctrines. These people only have a goal to win or to convert the person away from their religious practices. In the case of these men and women who exercise this method just for the sex are wasting their time along with the potential partner.
And yes, there are those that may actually hate sex for no other reason that it is a tool to acquire a relationship with a person. They in fact may use sex as the tool for getting things or having certain request met. For this reason the “Honey do…” thing works. Men understand that the prize may be sex if they comply, especially if a woman uses it to get what she wants. In this sense it is more of a mutual exchange of exploitation. The obligatory sex issue comes up again here, because it may have to be done in order to retain a lifestyle or standard of living in some way. Also, it is not too uncommon for these women to self-pleasure, or have some strict rules for sexual engagement that has very little to do with satisfying a partner. As an example a girlfriend or wife may like oral sex, but hates penetration, while the husband or boyfriend may like the same, but she may not consider such a task because in an extreme case she can leverage divorce as an incentive to comply.
One question that women commonly ask is “Why does my man want anal?” This is of course a deal-breaker for many women and most guys would never dare ask a woman for such a feat. After interviewing several male participants in informal poles and surveys, we found that the leading reason for men wanting to do this with women only has more to do with the fit and visual stimulation of a woman’s bottom and hips that are unique to a woman’s build. The interesting take-away from the interviews was that the overtures that some suggest about homosexuality were repulsive among participants.
In competing the survey the male participants were asked one specific question, “Would the lack of sex in general within your relationship lead to…” A)Counseling, B) Separation, C) Infidelity, D) Divorce, or E) No Change in the Relationship. Over 74% selected C as their response to the question with other responses almost evenly split among A, B, and C. Another aspect that was amazing during the conversations was the diversity in sexual issues they had in the bedroom with their partners and spouses. The results from a female survey using the same questions was conducted with 61% of the women selecting E , 21% selecting D, and the remainder split between A,B, and C.
The scope of sexual incompatibility is broad and may include religion, moral, same sex preferences, medical conditions, and or past trauma among others so therefore communications early on in the relationship is important to discover and examine what is initially shared. This is the period of information-gathering that should be used to make an informed decision as to whether or not to pursue a relationship. The challenge is to get past the happy talk and find out whether this is the right person for you. Now, no one is going to open their wallet of information within the first few weeks, but if it goes 90 days or ix months without addressing the topic of intimacy, then there is a problem. Think and be safe.