One Woman’s Take on Masturbation & Marriage

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now and masturbation is an important part of our marriage. It was not easy at first, because I used to think when my man did it,another woman was on his mind. Seeing and hearing his meat flapping at night after we had sex made me feel inadequate. After he came and I orgasmed, I thought things were done for the night.

Well, being much younger and not knowing, I took it as an insult and labeled him a jerk of the highest level. I thought it was inconsiderate and selfish. After making him feel bad and emasculating him for it verbally, I found myself in the worse of moods all of the time. One night, I woke up as he was stroking hi enis and turned the light on one night and asked him about masturbating. That was the moment things changed for us.

My usual routine was to put the pillow over my head to drown out the sounds of his moans and to make sure that none of jis sperm saturated the sheets. However, on this particular night, I pulled up the hem f my night-gown, open my thighs and matched him stroke for stroke with my clit.

He took my hands from between my thighs and guided it over his manhood. I noticed immediately that he was far more erct than he was inside me only hours earlier. He wiggled his fingers deep inside me and I guided his hand into the right spot that sent fireworks through my body. We laid beside each other until I was so wet and he was so hard that sex was the only cure.

From that moment forard, it has become and esential part fo our sexual ritual and one that extends the pleasure in the bedroom.

Claudia T. — Santa Monica, CA

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The Sexually Incompatible Couple

The Sexually Incompatible Couple
J A U S A N ®
a private online community since 1995″
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

Contrary to popular belief, there are thousands if not millions of couples that do not have sex due to a myriad of reasons from religious observations to down-right hating the practice.  Now, in some of these relationships, one party may be satisfied with the arrangement and the other may have serious issues with the intimate portion of their alliance. One common theme that resonates is the lack of interest, especially among some females after having children and being married.  This should be expected because men may fail to realize the associations with motherhood in the sense that women add another role to their resume when it comes to pleasing others.  Yes, women have to please family, friends, bosses, and of course their men.  This is one practical function that is regularly over-looked especially when it comes down to being responsible for the maintenance of the household.  There are many women who take on the expected tasks without any difficulty the does not reflect in bedroom performances, but their remains a number that are literally exhausted.  These women can easily classify sex as a chore or even a job.  In some cases they may go through the motions of enjoying the experience more so to get it over with than to actually enjoy the venture.  Problems arise however when they treat sex as a job that they hate, then this may be the first layer of the peeling onion.

This fatigue may not even be solely about sex as it could derive from just being tired.  However, women are expected in many cases to put on a smile until her man rolls over and falls asleep.  In cases of this nature a woman may want to speak with a professional to discover ways of managing or spacing herself so that she is not so overwhelmed.  The reason for addressing this sooner than later has more to do with preventing a spiral in sexual relations that could result in potential infidelity on the part of her partner. 

The word obligation is used a lot in matters of the bedroom for certain women.  However, in Guy-Code, when a single guy hears a woman say “My wifely duties…” the immediate assumption is that sex hates sex.  This helps in avoiding certain types of women, especially the more mature “Cougars”.  The predisposition of the man is based more on a preconceived stereo-type based solely on such a statement.  It may sound trivial, but the way most singles weed-out the potential bad decisions and mistakes is through such methods.   What a guy fears the most is marrying a woman that hates sex for whatever reason.

Women, however do get frustrated with men that either ejaculate too quickly, or have difficulty getting and erection.  Of course, there are products on the market that may assist them, but there are still concerns about the lingering effects on health.  Another, issue that most women would never mention to a guy directly is the inadequacy of his penis in respect to size and vigor.  Yes, I went there, because like a woman may become exhausted from everyday tasks, she may want to avoid sex due to a sense of preconceived disappointment.  It is no surprise that according to data acquired by  the Kinsey Institute,  the highest demographic of females that masturbate with male partners and spouses are women between the ages of 25 – 29 years of age.  They are expected to do this with a partner at least 64% over the lifetime of a relationship.  Women ages 30 – 39 fall into the second largest category with 63.1%. However, as they mature, the masturbatory practices with partners decreases, but individual masturbation increases with age.  The finding can be interpreted as ambiguous in the sense that minds cannot be read, but for the most part these practices can be accomplished without the partner which leads us to conclude that having the terms of the stimulation dictated by the individual, it is easy to conclude that other party may not be necessary in the sexual sense. 

The systemic problem may evolve where self-stimulation is more pleasurable and satisfying than being intimate with the partner and therefore sex between the two may not be something that is required.  Even though this may sound speculative, these remain viable considerations.  Besides this practice there may be those that prefer to have another partner that could more readily fulfill the needs.  In some extreme cases a break-up may result from this stalemate so that this element of the relationship may be fulfilled.  The toughest reality for some is to include sex in the portfolio of dating and marital bliss.

There are the problematic past life experiences that may hamper sexual relations such as a traumatic sexual assault or abuse.  This is a situation that may not be so clearly erased with a wedding ring.  Both men and women should consider the work that must take place to both address and acknowledge the impact.  Some may have moved on with their lives by seeking counseling and support to assist in managing the trauma, while others may attempt to go it alone and self-medicate.  This form of self-medication may include avoiding sexual situations totally, establishing special rules for intimacy, or even swinging to the other way by not having any inhibitions.  There is no magic pill that will cure people that experienced such a horrible situation.  Therefore, before dating or marrying someone that has survived such a situation, patience is important.  Also, if they share such information throughout the relationship, they will need support, and understanding because they have trusted you with something that is equivalent to being robbed of their humanity.

Now, there are women and men who suppress sexual relations based solely on religious grounds, this may mean not having sex until married, only having sex after marriage to procreate.  The worst thing that a single person who does not subscribe to this practice can do is to pursue a relationship if the requirements cannot be met.  Yes, there are people that allow their personal egos to get in the way and they just want to have sex with that person despite the values and doctrines.  These people only have a goal to win or to convert the person away from their religious practices.  In the case of these men and women who exercise this method just for the sex are wasting their time along with the potential partner.

And yes, there are those that may actually hate sex for no other reason that it is a tool to acquire a relationship with a person.  They in fact may use sex as the tool for getting things or having certain request met.  For this reason the “Honey do…” thing works.  Men understand that the prize may be sex if they comply, especially if a woman uses it to get what she wants.  In this sense it is more of a mutual exchange of exploitation.  The obligatory sex issue comes up again here, because it may have to be done in order to retain a lifestyle or standard of living in some way.  Also, it is not too uncommon for these women to self-pleasure, or have some strict rules for sexual engagement that has very little to do with satisfying a partner.  As an example a girlfriend or wife may like oral sex, but hates penetration, while the husband or boyfriend may like the same, but she may not consider such a task because in an extreme case she can leverage divorce as an incentive to comply. 

One question that women commonly ask is “Why does my man want anal?”  This is of course a deal-breaker for many women and most guys would never dare ask a woman for such a feat.  After interviewing several male participants in informal poles and surveys, we found that the leading reason for men wanting to do this with women only has more to do with the fit and visual stimulation of a woman’s bottom and hips that are unique to a woman’s build.  The interesting take-away from the interviews was that the overtures that some suggest about homosexuality were repulsive among participants.

In competing the survey the male participants were asked one specific question, “Would the lack of sex in general within your relationship lead to…” A)Counseling, B) Separation, C) Infidelity, D) Divorce, or E) No Change in the Relationship.  Over 74% selected C as their response to the question with other responses almost evenly split among A, B, and C.  Another aspect that was amazing during the conversations was the diversity in sexual issues they had in the bedroom with their partners and spouses.  The results from a female survey using the same questions was conducted with 61% of the women selecting E , 21% selecting D, and the remainder split between A,B, and C.

The scope of sexual incompatibility is broad and may include religion, moral, same sex preferences, medical conditions, and or past trauma among others so therefore communications early on in the relationship is important to discover and examine what is initially shared.  This is the period of information-gathering that should be used to make an informed decision as to whether or not to pursue a relationship.  The challenge is to get past the happy talk and find out whether this is the right person for you.  Now, no one is going to open their wallet of information within the first few weeks, but if it goes 90 days or ix months without addressing the topic of intimacy, then there is a problem. Think and be safe.

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

According to two 2009 Indiana University studies from participants that included national representative samples of American adult gay and straight men and women revealed that during sexual intercourse, vibrator use was a normal activity. The studies also revealed that about 53% of women and 45% of men between the ages of 18 to 60 used sexual devices to sustain or enhance their sexual activities in relationships.

Some other findings from the studies revealed that 1 in 4 of the participants had used a vibrator in the past month.  Also, 70% of the women admitted that they failed to have any adverse physical side-effects from the use of vibrators.  A minor number of complains were reported that expressed temporary skin irritation, genital numbness, and inflammation of genitalia.

Some men used the vibrator for testicular exams. One surprising finding was that men scored higher in regards to stimulation, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic functions, and sexual desires than women in some instances. Even though this is a small sampling maybe too small to set policies, laws etc., it can be said that sexual devices such as vibrators are not just for lonely women anymore. However, the use of vibrators by women remains a discreet issue that only some women care to admit publicly to members outside of their own gender.  As a foot note Japanese, South Korean, and Chinese women purchase more of these devices than any other population of females in the world.

Masturbation in the United States has been a controversial subject especially when it comes to religious considerations. Today the act is becoming more entrenched in the American culture as movies often reference the practice and recording artists go through    the motions on stage. The taboo nature of the practice still makes some people uncomfortable even though most people begin masturbating in their teen-age years at an estimated 72% according to some accounts.

Both men and women masturbate to discharge stored energy that may be attributed to stress or some other factor associated with hormones. The striking difference between the genders is that men may masturbate to a form of media where as a women may use her imagination more so to reach orgasm. However, it should be noted that according to the studies,  most women would prefer having sex with a real person even though a few preferred self stimulation only for sexual needs.

But there are problems with those women that become accustomed to being alone and masturbating. They have a tendency to create a habit or sexual expectation for the stimulation. This means that they may find themselves having sex with a male or female partner and fall short of orgasm without the stimulation of the device or their own masturbatory practice.

This has caused problems for certain women with their partners from the perspective of their lover failing to achieve the desired goal of making the female orgasm. The one major issue for women while masturbating is the envisioned fantasy that puts them in a place to fully enjoy the moment. Very few of them are like men that can look at a person’ s body and within seconds be finished with a sweaty sock.

Women have sex in layers like peeling an onion until reaching the core. For men sex is most often an act, for women it is most often a process. Some men are immediately intimidated when dating a woman and finding out that she has an array of pleasure toys. The size of the toys are commonly the most intimidating for some guys when comparing their appendages. Some perceive themselves as a gimp when it comes to pleasing a woman with a device. However, women that reveal to their men for the first time that they have toys run the risk of running them off or making them ready to work with her. For this reason most women keep this situation a secret until later, meaning instead of getting rid of the device they place them in storage just in case the guy is lousy in bed. There is a vast array of these devices on the market  and prices continue to rise as demand increases.

Women have parties that display the newest and latest devices in efforts to rekindle relationships with husbands and boyfriends, or finding the best device to complete the job. No matter what gender, masturbation is a lonely act that is more self-serving than anything else because the person doing it knows the spot, angle, and speed to satisfy his or her desire. Some people are diametrically opposed to the use of devices not necessarily on moral grounds, but on the premise of self-esteem. The objective mind may be repulsed by an object without feeling or emotion being allowed into places that warrant warm flesh. This is a valid argument, but as women age and find it harder to have sexual desires met with a model with six-pack abs, playing it safe in the comfort of one’s domain eliminates the threats of sexually transmitted disease, the potential for becoming pregnant while fulfilling sexual needs until the right man or woman arrives.

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The Expressive Woman & Sexual Appeal

4YAB8rbThe Expressive Woman & Sexual Appeal
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have heard the argument too many times by women who scrutinize other women for flaunting their sexuality.  The long-held traditions for women has been to marginalize her voice, opinions, and beliefs to only things pertaining to hearth and home.  Prior to the 21st Century it was expected and acceptable for a horny woman to masturbate her desires away discreetly in the privacy of the boudoir or bathroom.

Her sexuality was viewed as a taboo topic that was relegated to her husband or man rolling atop her, ejaculating and falling asleep with the sexually frustrated woman left to her own devices. In fact, many women faked the orgasms, and even lied to their husbands about their sexual fulfillment.  Since this period women have matured, in the socially expressive sense to find little shame in fulfilling their needs with or without a man.

The woman that is highly appealing to men when it comes to expressing sexuality is that female that explicitly states what she wants firmly and without the shyness and uncertainty of the past. This personality trait is especially attractive to African-American men when it comes to Caucasian women according to an informal discussion forum titled “What Types of Women Turn You On & Why?“. The participation and responses were very diverse without the usual barbs. Women within that discussion group were asked “Are There Certain Things That You would do with or for One Type of Man Over Another?” The answers lead to a very spirited exchange. Several realities were revealed 1) Some minority women placed a high premium on oral sex based on certain factors. 2) Caucasian women in the discussion group viewed it as not such a big deal. 3) There was one thing that crossed all color-lines, the guys in the group preferred women who were expressive, provocative, and more in-your-face, but in a good way.

More specifically, the men explained that they liked a woman who would do all of the dirty things society frowns upon.” One particular gentleman stated that he was not married because he sought a woman who would be bold enough to do something to make him blush. The guys were more reserved, but the women were far more forth-coming.

“Jennifer T. from Denver ” laid the framework that started the controversy. “If I see a guy that I really want to sleep with, I have no problem reaching under my skirt and pulling off my panties in front of him.” Well needless to say, the women thought of her as a w garden tool initially until other women understood her rationale.

Jennifer’s argument wasn’t about attention or anything of that nature, she wanted to have sex and without literally saying “Fuck Me!” she acted on the sentiments.  The modern woman has gone beyond implications and is more likely to openly tell a guy what she wants.  The one thing that many of the women across the board said they would do to attract a man is to not wear panties under short dresses.  To my shock, I learned from some of the married and divorced women that some of them go out to clubs in groups, carefully opening their thighs ever so slightly to the suitor they prefer.  I asked the obvious question “Why?” and almost in unison they responded that some men have no problem grabbing their penises, so this is our answer.

When asked in more detail about the issues of minority women having a hierarchy of sorts in respect to men. And one of the women aptly broke it down “Caucasian men require oral sex and minority men only deserve it based on income, social status, and or they are in a long-term relationship. In short the African-American women within the group agreed that the man would have to be exceptional for oral or anal sex. However when the question was asked to this informal body of 20 men and 25 women of various backgrounds, the question was asked, “Ladies Would You Treat a Caucasian Man Better than any Minority Male?” The result shocked everyone, only five women answered No. The rest gad no shame expressing that African-American men was the choice of last resort.

One of the male participants asked “Why?” and this question opened Pandora’s Box. Many hurtful things were exchanged out of frustration, anger and disdain, but on thing was abundantly clear, the days of African-American women waiting around the Mr. Right who happens to be black are over. Another surprising observation was the topics of other conversations. One female participant admitted that a turn-on for her was to instruct a man to do her the right way. But one thing was clear for the group observation, the women were proud to express thier sexual desires openly and the guys appreciated their kandor. One interesti foot-note, the women polled only registered 51.5% favor women being sexually provocative. Men did better at 97% in favor.

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