Using Sex as a Tool in Relationships

Using Sex as a Tool in Relationships
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

There are people on the singles scene who believe sex is a tool that can trump logic when it comes to conflict, problems, and impasses.  And the sad commentary is that these people take this warped sense of normalcy into long-term relationships.  And the differences between the genders in relation to sex from this perspective are vastly different.  The guy is the hunter and the female is the prey.  Every woman exploits this probability for a man in some way.  However, very few women realize that men have two main focuses with any woman outside family and close friends, 1) to see them naked if permitted, and 2) to sleep with them.  Very few guys will ever confess to this, bur being that I am single, I am will take a bullet for the team LoL.  However, there are some habits from the Premium Sexual Possibility (PSP) that women dangle in front of men at times that makes it into marriages. How many times have you heard a married woman use a sexual act as a favor to acquire items with husband, sometimes jokingly and other times seriously.  The truth is that manipulation and exploitation are part of who we are as humans and therefore routines utilizing these elements in our personalities become an acceptable practice.

Think of it this way, a single female that does not use her sexuality as leverage with men would never consider having to perform a sex act even joking in an effort to acquire the thing she wants and later in marriage those same practices are exercised.  The dynamic is that this may influence her choice in mates such as a partner who can appreciate an independent woman who doesn’t have to use her sexuality to manipulate.  On occasion a joke for sarcasm. may be… but when it becomes part of a routine there may be communications issues or terms within the relationship that may be imbalanced.

It takes a while for some people to figure out that sex is a relevant part of a relationship that eventually tapers-off with age.   We hear all of the exceptions to the rules of course, but by and large couples that have been together for an extended period of time do not engage in the practice as they did in their younger years before or shortly after marriage.  There are many factors that come into play such as kids, work schedules, and disputes that may result from time to time in some sort of isolation.  You hear the senseless argument of couples picking a fight for the make-up sex.  The truth is that if a couple has to go to such an extreme that could be accomplished with a total stranger instead of a loved one.

The shock for many women who base their relationship largely on the sexual aspect is when the male partner cheats or outsources the practice.  Sexual currency does have a shelf-life and there has to be more than sex itself to keep a relationship going as we know, but sex is not therapy because the conflict that existed before going into the bed-room remains outside of it.  One example is if or when a man cheats and instead of dealing with the reason for his infidelity, she falls into competition with the other woman to win him back sexually.

The sexual favors and sexual therapy approaches remain controversial to some women because it smacks of prostitution and desperation.  However, many of the modern independent women have sex with their partner out of love and physical need while retaining their independence, sense of self-worth and personal integrity.

Another issue that comes about with over-sexualized relationships is that over time she gets boring to him due to no fault of her own.  It has more to do with men preferring to see other features, builds, and types of women in the physical sense. An example of this is the estimated 2 billion plus men estimated throughout the world that have looked at adult material either over the Internet or in print.  Therefore, some women are intimidated by the material and fall under the impression that the women being viewed is what is desired.  In some cases that is true, but interestingly enough there are some informal surveys such as results published in the Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/02/cheating-study_n_4032035.html) that counters this argument suggesting that people cheat with less attractive partners.  The implications are that the model types in magazines or on the Internet are dreams instead of realities.

In closing. women using sexual currency to get things may want to review the structure of their relationship and those that use it as a means to appease after abuse may need to seek help.  Statistically, sex only last for 15 minutes according to some surveys and this means some people may interact with their partners and spouses in the same time-alotted intervals when it comes to conflict.  There are many licensed professionals that can assist in resolving issues and these resources are sometimes underutilized.

Advertisements

The Expected Changes in Relationships That Others Don’t Get

The Expected Changes in Relationships That Others Don’t Get
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995″
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

Throughout life we will meet those individuals to date that friends, parents, and others may not approve of for whatever reason.  Sometimes these concerns are legitimate when it comes to a person’s welfare, safety, or dignity.  And sometimes it may stem from actually losing that individual to another through a relationship.  Change is the toxic word for many people coping with friends, family, and others that relationships with them do and should change.  However, there are some that may feel as though they are entitled to consume the space in the life of the person despite relationships and or marriage.

Disliking someone is usually the justification for many friends, relatives, and family members to stay involved with the mechanics of their loved one’s relationship.  How many times have you seen mothers and fathers attempt to break-up their daughters and sons from potentially viable relationships.  The hardest part for many parents is actually letting go.  This form of letting go is nothing more than a change that parents are not willing to accept based on many of the following attributes:

  1. Their own individual bad experiences in the past.
  2. Judging their children by the failed relationships in the past.
  3. The fear of being abandoned and forgotten.
  4. The loss of control over someone they have had for decades.
  5. Ruining or damaging the family’s reputation by associating with the other party.
  6. Fear of their child being harmed or used by someone for their body or financial means.

Fear of physical abuse or exploitation.

These are only seven of the plethora of concerns parents may have when it comes to their children dating or marrying someone.  If you noticed, all of the concerns are negative and this can be fed in a way that would bastardize the reality in which they face, especially if others with supporting negative opinions put in their two-cents.

Now, of course these concerns are valid and the son or daughter must understand that there is both an element of best interest and an element of personal interest in the outcome.  This means that the potential partners may have to prove themselves as worthy and Yes, in some cases a chance to do so may not become granted.  One element that is common for parents is to classify their children as too good for a certain person even though they have met the social standards and criteria.  In this case a sense of personal vanity on the parent’s part trumps the love that the son or daughter may have for their potential partner.  This is one of the elements used in arranged marriages where the parents knows best and the relationship is nothing more than a peace-offering to merge families together for a greater good beyond the scope of the two people.   To put it mildly this is a pluralistic and selfish approach to implement an agenda that uses the couple as pawns in a larger game.

It should be said that the majority of parents allow their cons and daughters to make their decisions when they are of age to do so; however this parental supervision may bleed well into adulthood if not checked properly.  The challenge for most people in relationships where the potential partner is disliked is much like being an attorney representing an innocent party until proven guilty.  There will be hear-say, assumptions, prejudice, and any other thing that can be used to color opinions.  Most often is there is no fault with the person they may then broaden the scope of contempt to ethnic group, geography, family, history, or any other technicality that promotes doubt.

The son or daughter is now faced with a crisis in many instances to be the mediator between family and friends and potential partner.  This is where many people have difficulty because they do not want to displease those closest to them and do not want to lose a potentially viable relationship that could make them happy.  In all decisions there are three choices 1) Change things for the better. 2) Change things for the worst, and 3) Do nothing and allow time to pass.  The third choice is the most common course of action because it requires little effort and allows the son or daughter to empower themselves as the mediator.  In this case, the keep both relationships, but such a decision is only a band-aid and is very short-term.  A common thing to happen is the potential partner may pressure the son or daughter to fix the issue with the parents or they will move on.  An ultimatum to put it lightly.

Once the potential of losing the relationship is exposed to the son or daughter, he or she may think that the partner is turning against them, but instead they are request that they take the lead in the process of reconciliation to avoid conflict.  Sometimes the potential partner may attempt to address the parents autonomously, but this rarely works because the individual has already been devalued in the minds of the parents.  The frustration comes from the potential partner in the sense that he or she is wasting valuable time in a situation that is not directly related to him or her.

What many people fail to realize is the way the son or daughter handles such a situation may be very telling about the way they will deal with adversity in the relationship or marriage.  While mentioning the  “M” word, some would like to assume that problems will be solved. The only change is that you will be married, but the crater in the relationship remains with the parents and the protection of oe day down the aisle will not give the son or daughter the respect desired.

The larger problem is simple, the parents, family, friends etc. do not have confidence in your own judgment even though many of the things you use in your assessments of mates were taught by some of the very same people so it is more of an indictment on their life-lessons for you.  Also, a common thing that some parents may do is marginalize you and your opinion through the eyes of you as a little girl or little boy even though you are grown.  In this sense it comes down to parents that don’t want to let go.  You should remember that your maturing means that they are aging and getting closer to the grave during to the cycle of life.

Others may try to live vicariously through your relationship to correct some of the mistakes in their lives.  Yet, some parents may legitimately see some short-comings from the partner; however instead of criticizing them since the parents know how important this person is to you, they may be helpful in assisting him or her to recognize and address those issues in a constructive manner.  A good rule of thumb is to briefly look at the relationship objectively and if the rationale does not add up to the accusations then more than likely an agenda is present.

The one thing that may a flawed strategy is to think that your partner is going to fight the fight on your behalf and that the integrity of the team will survive.  So many people have failed using this approach.  In fact more than likely the partner will leave because he or she did not sign-up for family counseling.  Again, another intro into something that would benefit all parties, but as expected this may be controversial and getting family into such an endeavor may prove daunting.  The usual reason for rejecting counseling is largely due tot he fact that the parents see the partner as a the problem and they did not need counseling before he or she came along.

Rumors are another weapon used to solidify their position whether it is truth or a lie, it does not matter.  The credibility of the sources are not placed into question and therefore the number of people can be exaggerated in agreement with their opinion. A forth-coming article will address in more detail dealing with family, and friends.

The Typical Gold-diggers & Jump-offs Playbook

Woman aircraft worker, Vega Aircraft Corporati...
Woman aircraft worker, Vega Aircraft Corporation, Burbank, Calif. Shown checking electrical assemblies (LOC) (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

The Typical Gold-diggers & Jump-offs Playbook
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The new term for a Gold-digger is a Jump-off or a woman who attaches herself like a leech to a successful man or woman.  Even though some men may do this, it remains frowned upon in the broader sense.  These women fall outside the category of most women because the majority put in the work and make a life for themselves in a way that does not require dressing provocatively or engaging into ass-kissing in the vain of currying favor from men.  In essence, the majority of women work hard and sustain themselves and their families.

However there are those women who deliberate leverage their appearance, body and youth in exchange for a life-style provided by a man or a woman.  The goal is to put forth as little effort in life as possible to reap maximum rewards at someone else’s expense.  The hype associated with an exaggerated life-style of luxury is usually the motivation.  Once these women attach themselves to a woman or man, they do whatever it takes to get the wealth or a portion of it.  The sad thing is that many of these women rarely notice that they are so obvious in their approach and most often are disappointed when they are left with only memories, broke, and out of love.

The most depressing part f the cycle that these women undergo is the fact that age is in deed their enemy.  Age = Relevance in their equation and it looks pathetic at age 40 and up when they are still trying to use such a tactic.  Usually, women may go through the phase and grow out of it while others remains tuck on stupid until they are laughed at about age 70 walking around wearing a micro-mini-skirt around men one-third their age.  They get stuck in an era.  Some usually attempt to have children with these men or even marry them as an anchor to ensure they are associated with the lifestyle.  The strategies may differ because there are some that do this out of seeking financial security while others may do so just to have a child or get married with divorce in mind to get their share of the pie.

The Gold-digger or jump-off is not someone that will hang around  throughout  troubling times unless there is a means to profit or come-up later.  Men are viewed as commodities as some men may view these types of women.  The vagina is the actual tool that is supposed to be used in order to keep the man.

The reason why the majority of these women wind up alone later in life is based largely on the superficial approach they have toward life in general.  The hype is the life-style and the loneliness is the reality, nursing homes are filled with them.  There is also a sense of entitlement that these women have in the sense that the man is supposed to share his wealth. Now, there are several different agendas for these women.  There are only two agendas, their own and sometimes that of their extended family.

There are women that look for men or women in some cases who can not only take care of them, but their other family members.  Even though in some cases there are cultural implications depending on which area of the world they are from and in other cases not so.  One common occurrence is with some of the mail-order brides that may serve as anchor of spport for the rest of the family.  In short, the woman is used by the family to marry or date the guy and use him to support both her and them.

One last note about thee women is many of them are not bad people, but possibly reared in a poor environment, or were stuck with the task of being responsible for the extended family.  Therefore the guy is pimped by all parties.  This happens especially to successful emn with limited interpersonal or social skills.  The woman showing the attention to him may make him feel special in exchange for her being around him and in exchange enhancing his social image among peers i.e. trophy wives.

Enhanced by Zemanta