Women Wonder Why Children and Pets are Deal-breakers for Some Guys?

After receiving numerous responses through email regarding this topic, I thought it only proper to respond.  Ladies wondered why I have a definitive view on this subject-matter when it comes to men dating or marrying women.  First let’s tackle the topic of pets and relationships.  Yes, there are those guys that love pets and therefore there are dating web sites that cater to such a niche.  Now, when it comes to conventional dating it is a bite harder for these people to get matched on other dating sites due to allergies, lack of interest, or some other reason.  I personally care not to have some thing trolling around my residence that will always remain a liability, require increased cost and maintenance, and can never mature to a level beyond the present state of evolution.  So, in essence, a side-kick of sorts that may be best suited for time consumption at a much older age when either retired with more time available and potentially fewer resources as a person up in age.  This is one reason why 62% of the women in my age demographic are avoided when it comes to dating.

Many younger guys may tolerate the pets in order to cope with the benefits of being with a woman.  In my youth, I never made a compromised in this regard because I refused to put myself and my partner under a veil of lies just to have sex on an on-going basis.  One thing that I do not do is “Drink the Cool-Aid” for anyone.  So, the guys that play the role of liking the pets will do so until they begin a serious relationship and the first issue is usually getting rid of them.  I will never equate pets with children so when a woman calls them her children, it is an immediate deal-breaker for me.  As a person that used to have pets, I understand the time, commitment, and expense, and exclusion that brings socially.  For this reason, when I see personal ads with women posing with pets, I immediately swipe left on them without reading a single line of their profile.  Another factor is the use of time, because in these relationships, the pet becomes an entity that will need the same thing a guy will need in the relationship and it is shared with a non-human and think about it if you have a child with this person how further fragmented your time will be alone with your partner.  I do not dislike or hate pets, but just prefer not having dog or cat hair on me or sharing time with the creatures.

Now, on the topic of single mother or women with children, there are some major considerations for me.  First I would never date a woman with children again because they are someone else’s responsibility.  Secondly, it gives me a window into the mother’s judgment in respect to selecting men.  Most often I encounter women that have multiple children and have never been married.  The common scenario is a long-term relationship they have had in the past and either the child or children happened by accident or in a effort to propel the relationship forward.  As a younger man, I allowed myself to become drawn to feeling sorry for this type of woman, only to realize that in many cases they have grown comfortable being the single parent and only wanted occasional sex and support from one or more men.  One line that I got sick of hearing was “I am an independent woman!”, even though the majority were on some form of government assistance and working.  My position is not to criticize the women for that choices they have made, but to examine the perpetual mistakes that are still being made after failing to learn from the first experience.  One particular reason why I avoid many African-American single mothers is that over 70% of the children born are introduced to single parent households with no or limited male interaction.  Also, these children have not been in reared in a healthy environment because the parent may not have experienced a healthy relationship and what parents did or relatives have done does not count in a positive measure toward their experience.

A common coping practice is for the single mother to use her sexuality or position as a victim to some degree to her advantage.  Now, if a man was in the same situation, he would be considered irresponsible and or weak.  After conducting a focus group of 100 men and women online last May, I discovered that the one reason men did not care to deal with single mothers had more to do with the probability of the father returning and sleeping with the mother.  Another secondary issue was the age of the child in the sense that most of the men interviewed and surveyed preferred dealing with women having children no older than 3 years of age.  The data yielded that the rationale was they still had an opportunity to influence the out-come in the growth and development of the child in a positive way.  It was asserted that older children and especially teen-agers were to difficult to  manage, because patterns of behavior had been established that would carry them into adulthood.  An interesting finding was that the women in the focus group that had children within their teens sought a partner that could either speak to or influence their children toward better behavior practices.

Another reality is that most men care not to date a woman with a male teen-ager at home, because he is considered the man of the house and therefore when another man is introduced an identity crisis may prevail.  This means that if there is a disagreement between the mother and the boyfriend,  the teen-age son may respond under self-imposed pressure to intervene.   The fact that these women have children is the very reason why many of them may have multiple sex partners and not a real man in their lives.  Some may choose to have another children with one of them in the hopes of finding the one, but commonly collecting another child without marriage.  In the African-American community it is common according to the quantitative data to find an African-American female more willing to have a child than to get married.  This result may be from social conditioning or from various other reasons which have yet to be identified.

The risk of dating the single mother in general have the assigned risk of her getting pregnant again in an effort to keep a man, encountering the father or fathers, building a communal relationship with extended family, and the cost and liability associated with taking on the responsibility.  Value is the main reason why single men without children like myself avoid single mothers in the sense that there is no honor in taking on someone else’s responsibility, despite the cheers from those that are in worse financial shape.  Also, besides having other bodies in the dwelling and access to sex on a regular basis with the mother, all of the rest is expense and liability.  This is the major reason it is harder for single mothers to find a guy willing to marry them.  The problem is not they had the child because that is a result, but the decision to create the child, a comprehensive choice made much earlier that reflects the judgment of the individual.

This is not to say that single mothers are bad, but in some cases the decisions made in the past have contemporary consequences. It should be noted that single mothers that have been married or had children by the same father does make a major difference for men when it comes to dating or marrying them.  It is far more likely that a woman that had children by one man is much more likely to find a guy quicker than those with multiple fathers.  And one major turn-off for single guys is the term “Baby Momma”.  Such language counds immature and wreaks of the mind-set of an under-development adult.

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