GET THE LOOK: Slay Your Wedding Day With This Quick And Easy DIY Hairstyle — HelloBeautiful

Finding the right hairstyle for your wedding day can be stressful. This timeless look will help you slay your big day. This style works well for all women and all hair types. It would look equally beautiful on straight hair as well as natural curls. RELATED: GET THE LOOK: Flawless Wedding Hair For The Bride…

via GET THE LOOK: Slay Your Wedding Day With This Quick And Easy DIY Hairstyle — HelloBeautiful

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Putting the Brakes on a Relationship

“Have you ever been in a relationship and all of a sudden you notice that your partner has already left emotionally?” Most often this occurs over a period of time when the other partner fails to mention how she or he is really feeling. The object is to use times as a qualifier for the reason to eliminate the person from the relationship. In other words they have unilaterally decided to end the relationship and move on. The fact is that they were most commonly expecting the “messiah’s revelation”. This is a condition that leaves people under the dispositions that they will only get into a relationship that leaves him or her at an advantage. There is not a clear commitment, but a conditional one that will only suit their best interest. In short, they no plans for anything long-term, but instead use intimacy and sex as the premise. One thing that people must understand is that with these types of individuals up-front is that excuses and legitimate concerns are irrelevant to them. Their own concerns prevail over all others. In fact, these people are known to intentionally create a dependency of sorts for the individual to place them in a lower social and economic situation than when they first were upon meeting. You are immediately devalued and they chalk your relationship up to a waste of time, despite the hype.  In essence no matter how hard things are made for you, it immediately becomes “your situation” and everything is do or say becomes repulsive as if you are tainted in some way.  However, if and when things do turn around for you then you will regain their attention and respect.  “Is it really worth it then?” No, because you will immediately understand that these people are like 99.8% of people you can just find on any metropolitan street only seeking out opportunities for themselves.  This objective look allows you to understand that you really did not have a relationship, but an arrangement of sorts.

The worst thing that you could do in such a situation is to attempt to accommodate them because they view you as a liability or holding up their lives and the resentment runs deep.  In fact so deep that they will never have anything to do with you again until after you get your life together as they see it.  Yes, the potential thing has worn off and the optimism is out the door and usually, this falls in line with the elements for them to become repulsed by you.  Sex is usually over and done with in order to expedite the process of ending the relationship.  In short, you become a total stranger once again.  As mentioned in earlier articles, the more you attempt to fight for the relationship, the farther they will distance themselves. And as usual with lazy human behavior they may opt to just use you for sex and money without the respect and instead expect you to do these things in order to remain a remote associate.

The sad truth is even if you were struggling with issues and made earnest efforts to resolve them, they may still put you under scrutiny and at some point throw t in your face.  They see this as a chronic mistake that is more than likely to happen.  One common approach is to immediately get into another relationship as a buffer to assist in the distancing themselves.  There is always a reason for you or the partner to put the brakes on a relationship and until they are satisfied to continued.  Also, these breaks may be temporary or permanent.  Now, these breakups can range from fatigue in the relationship from dealing with issues to actually wanting to just be with some else intimately without interruption.  The latter of the two aforementioned conditions is a lame excuse to cheat.  The best practice is to treat a break in a relationship as if it over because these situations are rarely the same or better when they rekindle because both parties actually know the breaking point of the relationship and that in itself is a weakness.

The Truth About Lying in Relationships

Jausan Logo The Truth About Lying in Relationships
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

tumblr_mad1k0YD9N1rxax1go1_1280    There is a truth about lying in relationships and both parties have to do it on occasion to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings.  The problem is that often times these lies can lead to a misconceptions about the status of a relationship and the self-perception of the partner.  There are five fundamental threats to a woman’s happiness in a relationship. 1) her own insecurities, 2) the fear of wasting time with their chosen partner, 3) another woman internal (friends) or external (other women) invading her relationship, 4) her partner losing interest in her, and 5) the most dreaded, her weight. 

As you can see 4 & 5 are tangible concerns in that they are directed related and are elements that fall flatly on the shoulders of the woman.  In general women are hardest on themselves when it comes to issues pertaining to the body.  In most cases they prefer to either avoid thinking about it or working on it in some way to enhance it. Some men use it as a weapon to control the female much like a mafia extortion tool to empower themselves in order to control behavior such as exercise and diet.  The goal is to make the woman feel as though she has done something wrong by getting fat.   The situation is then used as cover for infidelity or other activities that can threaten her and the relationship such as breaking-up or divorce.  This is when a lie can be perpetrated by those guys who exploit this insecurity.

    How many times have you heard a woman complain about her weight?   Most often the guy may not be annoyed by it as long as the sex is good.  In fact, some guys have a serious fetish about on dating or marrying women whoa re gross over-weight or out-of-shape.  They like the abundance of the woman like a child laying in a water-bed for the first time.  But one major thing that comes about is that a guy with this preference may lie to the female and encourage her to gain the weight, not to cheat on her, but to place her in a place of dependency and in extreme measure immobility.  The objective is to continue a perpetual trend of ensuring that she will not leave him.  The thought process is that she will remain attractive enough for him, but repulsive enough to lessen her chances to meet a better catch.  Now, there is a distinction between loving someone who is large upon meeting them and being concerned about their health without the constraint of “lose all of the weight or else”.  However, men will also need to grow-up if they meet a woman who is a size zero initially and then has several children.  Many women spread after having children and retain a certain amount of weight afterwards.  And one foot note, the celebrities that make claims about losing the baby-weight varies, because we never know ow many specialists they can afford to hire to undergo the process.

Guys who are into this sort of fetish may actually become angry if the weight is lost because there are men out there who like cellulite and stretch-marks because they think they are sexy.  Yes, and for this reason, larger women wearing tight-fitting clothing that many would make double-takes to stare at the spectacle, they are confident because someone told them they look good.  Some people may call these guys “Chubby Chasers”, but even in that realm of humanity the fantasy out-weighs the reality of health concerns.  And sometimes a larger single woman may dress provocative just to get the attention because the rationale is that she only needs one good guy out of the pack.  These women are very keen on this and even though some may laugh and point, there is a man, woman, or couple that would love to bed them.

Of course there are others that insist on wearing the clothing you used to wear back when they were a bit shapelier and by doing so after many pounds later it may serve as a bit of therapy for someone to notice them.  What they are doing is exactly what slimmer women do, but they are ridiculed for their size more so than their other attributes.  The misconception is that if others lie to her about how attractive she is when it is obvious that she is not, then she may believe them to a point of taking the social flack.  Usually, women who are large and provocative develop tough skin over time and this has a lot to do with being under-appreciated by society as a whole.  The media influences our self perceptions and being that 70% of advertisement is geared toward women with a message that challenges their current status, this reaction is normal.  The toughest part of dealing with a guy who has such a fetish is to distinguish when you best interest is placed in jeopardy over his desire to fulfill a fantasy.  In concept, this is a selfish move on his part. 

One of the main complaints among men about larger women is the lack of flexibility during sex.  However, a man may still find himself dating or being with a larger woman despite the criticism.  No matter what, these women need to be loved like anyone else and sometimes they may need to go that extra mile to feel appreciated and take a break from the social criticism and just be themselves.  The Biggest threat is a patronizing (not loving) partner that only sees his fantasy being met based on a larger size woman.   

 

 

 

Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments

Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have been rather reserved about my comments about Don Sterling (Clippers Owner). Yes, it was insensitive for him to make those alleged comments. However, I think it was equally wrong for his mistress to use public embarrassment to resolve a private matter. Let’s face it, had she not been going through legal issue with him and his wife, no one would have cared. It is understandable that he may have views and so do we when it comes to certain preferences even though we would like to assume that life is all politically correct.

However, in this instance, she exploited this opportunity along with African-American sentiments to get back at him more so than anything else about us. I am sure she has heard other things before this tape-recorded incident and chose not to go to the public about it. However, when things are not in a person;s favor, there is no telling how low a person will go to hurt another. Was she outraged when he bought her the Bentley, Ferrari and Range Rover? Probably not. It amazes me when minorities become rich (temporary wealth), they are not so impacted by the nature of beast of racism. It still exist in the hearts of some people, but not as it did when laws were in place to ensure the racial divide. I do not condone his remarks in any way, but just think about the people you despise each day and how you manage to tolerate them long enough to get your pay-check and cash it.

I am less offended about what he said, because he would say it whether public or private and he is under no moral obligation to anyone to modify his behavior. However, I am more offended by the mistress trying to create a call-to-action because things did not go her way. All of the African-American leaders condemned the man. Think about it for a moment, he is in his 80’s and respectfully what is she doing with him in the first-place? He is well past her senior, married, wealthy, and has her as his souvenir and fantasy. There is no doubt he has views about African-Americans and other minorities and even though we may not life them, many have died for the right for him to speak despite his 18th Century mindset.

This is a learning tool not just for minority females, but females in general, no matter how wealthy a man is, money will not change his sentiments and beliefs. She took a risk on playing a high-stakes game and in the end lost as the wife prepares to sue her. The most tragic element to this whole thing is that despite all of the comments and trashing, there will be people supporting the franchise. So in retrospect the price was very high for her to pay for the life of luxury, her personal dignity. The short-cut to wealth by sleeping with a guy for his bucks is what guys like Sterling look-out for and understand that the few coins that he shells out to her is marginal to what the wife gets in return.

At best this is a glorified form of prostitution that ended badly and the race-card is the only weapon she had left to fight-back with in the end. Even if he is racist, the man is 80 something years old and what power does he have over you? Nothing, the players can be traded to other teams or serve-out the terms of their contracts if so desired. Minorities to him may be a necessary evil from his perspective and therefore he exploits them for profit. However, one thing to keep in mind is that even though all of this comes out now, and African-American general manager by the name of Elgin Baylor worked for the Clippers for almost 30 years.

So before allowing this woman to have a nation serve her agenda, we need to be objective and look at the motivations for it. This is not a racially motivated situation, but one that exploits racism to hurt Don Sterling in his pocket and through his reputation. Again, in now way are his alleged remarks acceptable, but is also not acceptable for a grown woman to use a dispute to garner public favor either.

It should be noted that Elgin Baylor is suing Don Sterling for being terminated in 2009 based on age and racial discrimination.  As you can see despite the racial over-tones,an extramarital affair leads to this sort of racial tension.

Why isn’t my partner changing for me?

Why isn’t my partner changing for me?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

People sometimes go into faulty relationships under the premise of changing a partner into that desired lover.  You have heard women say “I will need to change this or that about him…”  Unbeknownst to many women and men the “change theory” rarely works because this approach is for children and not adults.  The first mistake is to assume that what you desire is indeed what the partner wants.  Change has to be first internalized  by the partner and not the partner seeking the change.  Secondly, it becomes grossly obvious to a man that manipulation is in play.  This marginalizes the effort to change the person to a personal challenge.  As we men know, when challenged the other party becomes a competitor instead of a partner in this sense.

The competitive spirit puts men into a defiant role and ferments their beliefs and positions.  The obvious agenda for some women is to use an ultimatum especially after marriage.  The thought process is that in order for the relationship to function, terms involving change must be implemented.  Some may even try the ultimatum which is the decision of last resort.

Now men may react differently toward these ultimatums in one of the following manners:

  • Genuinely attempt to change and go along with the request.  This is rare, but does happen under the auspices of love.  However, do not be surprised if he devises an ultimatum for his partner.  In the past I have witnessed these arrangement where the female wants her husband to quit doing or start doing things from in the bed-room to the front yard.  However, one thing that I discovered from interviewing couples is how the ultimatum places a void in the relationship.  A passive-aggressive approach is not out of the question when it comes to responses in the sense, “I will comply, but this qualifies me to seek-out someone without the limitations”.
  •  He may flatly refuse the request and find another woman without having anything else to do with the partner.  These are the no-nonsense guys that may have faced too many ultimatums in the past.  Guys with this disposition may actually change in a way that excludes a demanding partner as a viable mate.
  • Another approach is for a guy to passively-aggressively comply with the request will fostering an agenda to flatten the relationship to nothing more than having a sexual partner and roommate.  In short, he will do just enought for the sex and sexual favors with a lesser than authentic opinion about the partner or relationship.  He will cope with the situation until a better partner comes along.
  • And yet another strategy is the tit-for-tat-trade-off where the woman is expected to make a compromise in exchange.

The one thing that women should understand about changing a man is that not only does the change has to come from him, but it can also be viewed as a power-grab.  More importantly, it can be viewed as a woman treating him like a child.  Now, in any relationship, ther has to be compromise, but it has to be both voluntary and mutually inspired by both parties.  And the absolute worst thing that woman can do is to use sex as a tool to enforce compliance.  Some valid considerations are that a woman may suggest the correction of things that could benefit her partner, in this case such a concern is  valid in the sense of the best interest of the relationship. However, when it comes to addicitions such as porn, drinking, etc. the partner is not a proessional and would be best suited to face the problem with a licensed professional instead of an ultimatum.

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Help…I’m in too deep…

Help…I’m in too deep… – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

Cool site Got a problem. I’m a white guy in my early twenties from a very affluent family in the Southwest. Met this black girl in college and we dated on campus until my senior year in 11. I had to break it off because I was one year ahead of her because of the distance. She transferred to a school near my hometownand showed up at my doorstep. I’m not racist, but my folks are a totally different story. They were’nt mean to her, but the tension was there and they did not like it one bit that she was in our house.

Well I am moving into my place in March but my parents made it crystal clear that they do not want me around minorities. My dilemma is I need start-up cash from my Dad for my business and there are some serious string attached. Unfortunately, she did not get the message when I told her that day that we are a no go.

She is a smart, attractive, and cute girl, but I only wanted her for the sex and nothing more. Before I left school she hit me with the “I’m pregnant thing” but never saw her produce a baby or any record of an abortion. In my opinion, she had a taste of the good life with the money I spent on her and I got sex so it seems to be an even trade.

Anyhow, I can’t let this girl fuck up my future and she is damn sure not getting any more of my money. What is the best way to get my mesage across to her to keep her from calling me and showing up at my folks house trying to fit in? Your help is most appreciated.

Luke

The Great Southwest

Women and Marriage in 2012

Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Jausan
“Women and Marriage
Editor-in-Chief
Romance Referee ™
Santa Clarita, CA, USA

There are a persistent number of women that actually have no intention to marry unlike in the past.  In many ways some women view marriage as a burden of sorts.  The perception is that not only would another person in their lives is a liability, but also view the reality of being single has more to do with personal independence than anything else.  Decades ago when this trend was popular in the 1980’s among men, the perception was that men were being selfish.  This trend at the time bucked the tradition of men seeking wives.  Now, during the 1990’s the trend was slightly reversed and this could be attributed to the state of he economy at the time.

However,since The Great Recession of 2008 the trend had declined in 2010 according to the United States Census about 50.7%of American men and women are married either with spouse present or absent.  Even though the current number of married couples out-number those unmarried means that the popularity of marriage is in decline.  There are no solid numbers to comprehend the number of couples that actually divorced or separated due to the crisis.  Quantitatively, there are implications that the popularity remaining single among women is becoming more of a reality.

In some ways this may be the first generation of American women that have grown out of the fantasy that has been perpetuated throughout the decades.  There are some reasons for this change because more women are independent and due to the economic shift many women are bread-winners.  Also, there are a large number of women that are continuing to college and vocational schools to make more money which continues to discourage them from marry a man solely due to economic gain.  In some circles women would not consider marriage to anyone unless their partner is a millionaire.  Even though that is an extreme measure, the needy financial woman is gradually becoming a thing of the past.

Another result of this trend is the casual nature of sexual relations in that men are taking on a more functional role much like men used to do with women by objectification.  “What does this mean?” This will means a totally different family structure and slower population growth within the nuclear family.  In fact, as these states wrestle with same-sex marriage legislation, those men and women that use to sustain artificial heterosexual relationships will no longer play a role that impacts the lives of others along with their own.

African-American women is one group hit the hardest with a bubble of single women that have never been married in places like Atlanta, Detroit, New York, and Los Angeles where many of them between their late twenties through their mid-forties.  Some are of course following a new trend of dating Caucasian men, however according to many of the informal dating statistics the marital-rate remains considerably lower compared to the marital activity of African-American men with Caucasian women.  The reality according to the data from the Census is that there are 600,000 more single African-American women than men in population with at least a bachelor degrees.  And there are one million more women within that group actively in the work-force compared to men.  This difference is significant because out of all of the groups in the population African-Americans have this imbalance and had it before in 1980.  The economic implications are that when a recession occurs as it did in 1980 and 2008, African-American men are seriously impacted by job displacement that not only hits them economically, but also make them far more less desirable to African-American females.

It should be also observed that Caucasians, Asians, and Hispanics (Latinos) are not experiencing similar trends as with African-Americans. There are still women in the dating pipe-line who are bound to traditions that means men must be the bread-winner along with high standards.  The problem is that as these women age many of them have the perception that they have the same romantic value as they did when they were younger.  In a broad context, they are gravely mistaken when it comes to assessing their romantic value while retaining higher standards for a mate than they themselves can deliver.  This is much like the fat woman who expects to land a guy with ripped abs.  The problem in these instances is that their personal self-worth is projected on others and they falsely fall under the impression that the same value is perceived and accepted by the other party.

The growing trend now is to expand on freedom and independence first and then look at feeding the emotional aspects in one’s life later while having objectified sex in the interim.  This modern single woman in her twenties is more of a realist and less of a fantasy-driven princess.  Even though there are some around, the growing number of women are growing up with resources and information to avoid being stuck in bad marriages. The unfortunate aspect is that the women who fail to do this may find themselves in under-performing relationships.  In essence, love can cure certain ills in a marriage, but the modern woman of today has more of a macro-view of the relationship and what it takes to sustain them.

Men like myself have used the argument in respect to the benefit of marriage.  The reality is that marriage is a liability for men in many cases in that they are responsible for paying a perpetual debt for the wife and children.  The advent of the two income household over the past 50 years has now culminated in generations of children understanding that struggling parents are not the ideal representation of living.  This is very obvious now as 98% of the United States population makes less than US$250,000.  Today many young men and women seek to pursue higher incomes independently.  The glamor from reality shows and the like may also play a small part in this desire for independence with many of the shows scrambling to find healthy relationships to represent show franchises.

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man.  I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post.  Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle.  The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.

I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal.  This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument.  The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women.  So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman.  In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women.  This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.

The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin.  This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group.  The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group.  It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.

The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her  father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact.  Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today.  In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups  based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.

The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group.  I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women.  Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love.  Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women.  There are far more women than men in the population.  However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income.  There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages.  These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.

So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap.  The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like.  What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder.  Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses),  and  even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken.  Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth.  The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.

Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point.  Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life.  There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.