Passive – Aggressive Partners

“Haven’t you ever dated someone who is all smiles on the outside, but fumes in anger from within only to discover that they have despised you throughout the whole relationship without showing any resentment?” This is an introduction to passive aggressive behavior.  The psychology is all too common in relationships because the person fuming is actually transferring their disappointment and disdain onto you.  The problem begins with them and the decision they made despite the expected outcome.  Think of this as a person gambling on the Las Vegas slots hoping to hit it big and remains patient until the money they have come with is gone and they continue to pour the rent, car payment and other finances into the heartless machine.  Of course there is remorse after losing and this is the same as in relationships.  People expect a payoff of some sort in relationships and if this does not come about as they see fit, then they are quick to write the person off as a failure.

In fact, the passive aggressive is the failure in that he or she does not know how to express themselves so that they can move on with their lives.  There are some simple pressures that people begin to take way too seriously in relationships, 1) their time, 2) their emotional capital, and 3) the time limit they assess for others.  In most cases the seemingly patient individual will have a certain date or time in his or her head when things should work in their favor.  What usually happens is that the person begins to think they are being used and therefore take on the color of victimhood and project blame onto the other party.  The flaw is not in the person that failed to meet expectations, but the person expecting a magical change based on their agenda.

One reality that I see regularly is the guy or girl that gives up too soon in the hopes of getting something better and lashing out after being in a relationship for some time.  As scripted in most human behavior it begins with personal withdrawal from the relationship and expands from there.  Also, the passive-aggressive person usually interjects the word tolerance in their dialogue with their partner to further alienate them emotionally.  This distance is expected to allow the other party to withdraw from the relationship voluntarily.  No one should be tolerated in a relationship and therefore leaving is the best remedy, just put pride and love aside because they can get you either killed or hurt emotionally in these situations.

However, too often I have seen the passive-aggressive throw up their hands on a person only to come back if or when things don’t work out in other pursuits that seeming thwarted their progress.  Each of us only have a certain period to live between the dates on our headstones and there is no set guarantee that life is obligated to treat you fairly or even allow you to have that future we inject.  For the most part the ambitions in our heads and hearts sometimes do not correlate with reality and life as we live it.  This means allowing things to fester as the passive-aggressive does only promotes stress and going through a plethora of people expecting a different result.

These people will usually go through relationship after relationship with this disposition and just shorten the time-span on the other party to get themselves together.  The common problem is that as they apply these pressures, the people they are holding in judgment are indeed viewing them as someone they would care not to be with for an extended period of time anyway.  “How may times have you heard of women waiting for the guy to finish medical school as that complain about what they have held inside all of the years?”  The assumption would be that the guy that just graduated would be thankful that she did so, but instead upon understanding these sentiments it is a deliberate turn-off that he uses to find another woman that has not marginalized him through the process.

When this behavior is exposed, you begin to realize that it was all about them and not about what you were doing in the first place.  People are result-oriented and those of us who work in professions that require time and patience understand that this template of a person sits in every bar and places personal ads waiting for someone to foot the bill.  In short, they want the benefit instead of the work.  Men are especially astute to this perception more so than women and are quick to call it as they see it.  The premise for such an assertion is that men understand there is a trade-off in relationships his security for her comfort and therefore he strives for that deserving partner and not the one that comes in after the fact.  This is the very rationale why you rarely see wealthy people in general marrying poor people.  In most cases when you do it is the man marrying the poorer woman and rarely vice versa with a wealthier woman marrying a poorer man.

To put it bluntly, it is fair at the beginning of the relationship to declare expectations that you seek and time-lines without extension to allow the person to understand that it is not some you will compromise on and both of you can find others and not waste time.

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Family and Friend’s Opinions Count

Jausan Logo Family and Friend’s Opinions Count
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

  

“Republished with Authorization & Consent of Author”   

   The traditional practice of developing romantic relationships in the United States is somewhat universal in the sense that emotional allegiance allows us to go into them sometimes blindly, ignoring the obvious red-flags that may not serve our best interest on down the road. We sometimes assume that a relationship will workout based on the hope and faith drawn from our cultural aspects such as religion righteousness, judicial fairness, and moral social responsibility. Our hope is that a blessing is bestowed to encapsulate the goodness or merits of the relationship while voiding the negative aspects.

Naïve would be the best description of the aforementioned ideal relationship. Unfortunately, life is not an event where we can select only the good aspects of it and expect marginal challenges. Relationships are a vital aspect of our existence and therefore challenges and hardships come with the landscape.

    We may begin a relationship with someone, introduce him or her to family and friends and discover that they may have some reservations. The common reaction for the person presenting their new romantic find is to investigate the rationale behind the reservations. This is the point where many of us discover later that by ignoring or dismissing these concerns could have saved time, heart-ache, and emotional stress.

    Depending on the self-esteem and personal disposition of the individual, the choice can make the biggest difference between success in a relationship or failure. A very defensive posture which is common among younger participants in relationships has more to do with being judged or criticized for his or her choice in a potential love interest. The problem with this disposition is that it is commonly perceived as a personal attack. When reservations by family and friends are taken in this manner, the person may decide to either void their opinions, or view them as adversaries attempting to ruin happiness. Also, his or her perception could be that of not receiving credit for a decision being made independent of family and friends. Rejection becomes the thought in the sense of not only rejecting the partner he or she selected, but them as well.

     The usual result from this perception can lead to a self-imposed isolation between the new couple from family and friends. This may develop into an emotional comfort-zone temporarily, but could lead to further isolation if there are other motivations by the partner that serves his or her self-interest more so than benefiting the couple as a whole.

    What many people fail to realize is that someone else has experienced the same difficulties in establishing relationships, but may or may not be available as a reference. Friends and family members that may have had the experience may not have the opportunity to share and therefore the individual may have to reinvent the wheel and undergo a lot of unnecessary drama stemming from not listening.

    Love is an emotional experience and we are cultivated to focus more on that aspect than on the rational requirements in order to make a relationship function. The“Us against the world!” approach seems like a great underdog story that is perpetuated throughout American culture, but the designation of adversaries is where sometimes couples get it totally wrong. Families and friends may pick up on certain characteristics in personality, demeanor, disposition, or attitude from the person selected and may want to point these things out early.

    After the self-imposed isolation is implemented and family and friends are no longer the people life is share with, but people that are treated almost like strangers, the partner is at liberty to impose his or her will to some degree. The partner could then impose barriers against him or her developing other relationships or even dictating who is approved and who is not.

    This is where the relationship style comes into play. A command-and-control relationship means that one of the two parties takes the lead without question. Many women find themselves in these types of relationships more so than men. Religious doctrine may also add to the validity of this relationship style that allows the male partner to dictate the dress, diet, social interactions, and liberties given the female partner. Sometimes women that have been in households that had this type of structure may consider this normal and would fall in conflict with others have opposing views. Women are usually given a place and tasks that fall into a gender specific role. Problem occurs when the women attempt to challenge the authority, choices, or decisions made by the male member. The repercussions can range from arguments to domestic violence, depending on the escalation variables. More often than not women that fail to comply to the command-and-control model may either leave the relationship or cope with it using passive-aggressive behavior. Those that comply in this environment may find themselves attempting to go out their way to please the male partner. In some cases, the introduction of extramarital activity may be introduced.

     The critical eyes of objective friends and family members could see the potential flaws to a relationship of this nature from the beginning. The family and friends may also become the very people to clean up the mess after she has left him. For this reason, women would be wise never to severe the ties to family and friends when first getting involved in a relationship. Furthermore, if the male partner is supporting and encouraging this behavior on your behalf, a second thought is also the best bet. There is no merit to pursue happiness through abuse or disrespect.

     Women that impose the command-and-control approach to dating men are commonly economically based, but not always. Men may undergo the same ridicule as women would as the weaker member of the relationship. The main distinction is that the male is commonly marginalized lower than a female in the same circumstance. He is respected for male functions and little else besides sexual gratification and remaining a piece of kept arm-candy. This may seem like a harsh stereo-type, but this type of male does not receive the sympathy by society or family, and friends because of his gender. In the social sense he has abdicated is gender role as provider to assume the role of dependent. Men that have been in these types of relationships may find it harder to re-establish their self-esteem or self-worth because during the relationship the female partner will attempt to strip the dignity away so that he would be of no use to anyone else.

     Even though dating or marrying a wealthy woman may be appealing, the command-and-control relationship with them can be socially compromising and have an adverse impact on his own personal value.

    In both cases the command-and-control relationships have common threads for women and men, control, denial of self-interest, conformity, and putting the other party first. Living in the United States of America, there is little need to have a suppressive relationship when there are governments that are willing to do the same in other nations.

    Exposure is another aspect of the relationship that friends and family attempt to protect family members from in respect to criminal activity and mortal danger. The bad-boy or bad-girl may sound like great stereotypes that promote a sense of adventure through movies and media, but there is a cost associated with pursuing them. The great myth is that these people are smart, no, they are clever. Steve Jobs was smart because he created something. Stealing, robbing, or selling illegal items is clever, because they create nothing, but feed off of the existing work of others. Steve Jobs designed the iPad through hours of grueling work a thief steals the iPad from a store to make a few dollars in comparison to billions if he or she took out enough time to make a comparable product by cultivating his or her skills and abilities. The bad girl or bad boy is nothing more than social short-hand for lazy individual.

    The downside to this appeal is when he or she gets into middle-age and they have very little to show for their efforts in life. A prison record, tales of the way things used to be are rarely valuable in the future.

   These are some of the main reasons for the skepticism that family and friends have about some of the choices we make when it comes to selecting a partner. Even though we may not want to push our pride aside, sometimes it is in our best interest to her them out and understand their concerns.

 

Knowing When It Is Over

Knowing When It Is Over
Romantic Truth ®
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

You are in a relationship and for some unknown reason you go to hug your partner and he or she pulls away. Soon-after, the sex stops and your partner is preoccupied with other things such as the computer, hanging out with friends or just going away without telling you as a courtesy. These are usually the first steps to a break-up. In many cases this exercise is done to create distance and do away with emotional attachment. Later the alienation escalates to the point of distinguishing items that are yours and theirs that were once shared by the two of you.  If you think about it, this in itself is a selfish move and yes, it gets worse when he or she fails to call or even come home.

These are all symptoms of a dying relationship and of course you may want to talk to him or her and maybe they will agree with you doing most of the talking.  By this point the partner has shut-down and may be at the point of either moving out or asking you to do so.  Usually, this distance is a measure of self-preservation that only leads to their fulfillment.  In many ways the silence is worse than any word that could be uttered.  The next phase is the change in attitude and the use of the word “friend” to redefine your role in their lives.  Once this occurs you have been demoted from the relationship to an outsider.   Think of friend as a term used for someone they have never slept with or dated.

By placing you at this distance, they have dehumanized you to a point of making an objective decision.  The premise for such behavior has a lot to do with the perception of missing-out on someone perceived to be better than you.  However, the one thing that people may fail to understand is that other people have tolerances like them.  For this reason people like myself have a no return and no exchange policy.  Think of how many people you have slept with and today they classify you as friend.  The larger question is that “Are those friends that he or she introduced you to during the relationship bed-buddies also?”  For this reason, people are very suspicious about dating others with a lot of friends of the opposite sex.  Guys automatically demote women from prospective wife status when they meet her if she only has male friends.  The rationale behind this is that the guys have either slept with her or would like to sleep with her and are hanging around for their chance.

What is at play in these situations is that the person is seizing “power” and therefore attempting to put the other party into a submissive position where he or she will tolerate terms that they construct to sustain the relationship.  In some cases it may involve a man telling his woman that another woman in the bedroom is a requirement or a woman telling  guy that she wants an open relationship without questions.  In any case a person can be used and abused if they comply and there is no leverage to sustain the relationship at the level before.

Social media is usually the culprit for these snap decisions, but not solely to blame in that by communicating online, he or she can place your relationship back where it was before they dated you.  A clean slate without the emotional attachment and the ability to seek-out the person that you are not.  Yes, the distancing is personal and not based on anything else.   You can wear lingerie, show up naked, do every sex act known to humanity and it still would not matter.  By this time your partner sees you as an obstacle and breaking up with you or leaving you is the ultimate solution.  Therefore, it is best to discover early what is going on and save your emotional capital and leave with the understand that the whole situation is completely terminated.  And besides, friends usually outlast lovers and what would you want a past lover as a friend because if he or she was going to be that in your life, you would have established that well before becoming intimate.

 

 

The Reality of Mercy Sex

The Reality of Mercy Sex
J A U S A N ®                       
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

The one thing that women may be challenged with that many men fail to acknowledge is the Mercy Sex complex.  There are few women who do this as a means to either get rid of a guy or to reduce his interest in her.  It sounds bizarre, but there is a method to this madness.  The women do this in an effort of ending a relationship or the probability of a relationship.  The premise is simple, to sleep wit the guy and create a non-event type of experience so that he would not care to sleep with them again.  Most often this is used by women who have a guy that has literally done everything she wanted for her and in some way she feels as though she owes him a favor.  The easiest way to seal the deal and move on in thier minds at times is to just sleep with him and all things are good.

As mentioned earlier, only a select group of women use this tactic because it serves two purposes, 1) to see whether the guy is worth pursuing in a long-term arrangement, and 2) to repay a debt of some sort.  In both cases, women should avoid using this approach because when it comes to sex guys will return until the life-line is cut.  You may hear women mention getting rid of a guy through just having sex with him.  Wrong answer, because it becomes more of an incentive.  Another factor that may come into play is the use of sex in times of crisis, for instance, your girlfriend  breaks her boyfriend’s heart and you take it upon yourself to 1) jump at the opportunity, and 2) to satisfy your curiosity about the tales she may have told about her escapades in the bedroom.

Guilt is usually the motivating factor that compels someone to use sex in this way.  The fact is that sex on this level have more challenges in the sense that it may become casual and routine quickly.  The problem usually comes about after the crisis has past and one or both parties view the liaison as nothing more than a convenient booty-call.  However, if pregnancy occurs then there are another host of problems.

Mercy Sex can also be born out of extreme loneliness, especially between women and their best male friend.  The danger is that once intimate, the friendship can never be the same.  Think of it this way, once naked and in a compromising position, that image is burned into the mind.  Therefore, women who try to return to a platonic relationship with a male friend after intimacy are just fooling themselves.  One falsehood that women believe is that men think lesser of them after sleeping with them.  To the contrary men may in fact treat them better than others after sharing such an experience.  However, one thing that women fail to understand is that their attitude in the process of getting to the point of intimacy is what makes men act like jerks after sex.  The goal of every guy is to see as many women as possible naked in their life-time that are not related to them and in a relevant age-range.  This is the very reason why porn is so popular among men because it is the voyeuristic aspect of it all.  In short, when they see a woman built a certain way nude then they have an idea how a woman may look naked even though she has clothes.

The threat of porn is the reason why some women do things with their partners that they may not like doing or would not normally do in other relationships.  These sex acts against a person’s preference is a form of mercy sex.  There are women offended by oral sex for instance and this may lead to a wandering partner or worse, a “headless husband”.  Also, this situation can be reversed with women that may desire certain sex acts that the husband may find offensive.  However, the latter is less likely.  Strip-clubs, porn, and gawking at other women is a symptom more so than a problem.  Becoming defensive is more of an excuse than a real solution.  In short, intimacy is a very important factor in a relationship, but should never be the sole focus in a relationship.

Mature Married Women Cheating with Younger Single Men

Mature Married Women Cheating with Younger Single Men
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 
 
There should be some truths presented first. Very seldom does a married woman over the age of 35 leave her husband for a single younger man. Now, we have seen this happen with celebrities and other famous personalities, but it still remains rare despite the news accounts and gossip.
 
Some would argue that a mature married woman would be too entrenched with traditional life-style that a marriage provides. Others suggest that women in general are more devoted to the institution of marriage than men in general.
 
There remains three areas of vulnerability for mature married women dating single younger men on the side: 
 
  1. The Age Difference which includes experience and knowledge.
  2. The Relevance Factor that the mature women is less relevant to the peers of the younger partner due to interest and age itself.
  3. The Applied Social Pressures that are compounded in these December-May relationships.

These are just the preliminary differences without the inclusion of other dating requirements that may be imposed regarding ethnicity, culture, background, personality, etc.   View the three items as added challenges to navigate through atop the other obstacles along with the infidelity issue.  The same considerations hold true for mature married women cheating with younger men. The first thing that a women of any age must realize is that the very act of going outside the marriage for anyone else is a sign that they are not serious about the present marital commitments and therefore their value as a viable long-term partner is compromised.

These romances are commonly referred to as flings and rarely develop beyond sexual activities. In the case of some high-profile celebrities that divorced and married much younger men, they find themselves in a game of catch-up either trying to remain contemporarily relevant in fashion, jargon, and physical appearance. These women are in a battle to keep the interest of the younger man thriving, but if you think about it, couples within the appropriate age-range have similar difficulties.  One thing to consider is that if a mature woman who play by the rules and divorces and have a legitimate relationship remains exposed to the aforementioned vulnerabilities, then an illicit affair with a younger man compounds the challenge.

This implies that a December-May relationship (one in which the woman is about a decade or more older than the gentleman) is a lot riskier than a conventional age-appropriate relationship in general and especially when it comes to cheating. The problem comes about when she becomes less interesting or dynamic for the younger partner and a sense of abandonment occurs.

This hits especially hard if the woman has given her all in the relationship to the point of planning to leave her spouse for the younger beau only to have her aspirations rejected.. The married mature woman has a slight advantage, provided the relationship is not discovered and that is these relationships are disposable.  The complications begin if one of the two parties (in the illicit affair)becomes emotionally attached. If she falls for the younger man beyond the sexual scope of the relationship, he could leave her without a husband, with a possible torn family if children are involved, and a broken heart.

However, if the younger single guy falls for a mature married woman, he could find himself in two compromising situations, as a sexual flesh-toy in order to win her over, or a fool trying to move a woman that would be of little benefit to him in the long-term for trist to spouse or lover. More specifically, she may not trust the younger guy to be a provider in that a dip in life-style may occur until he can actually support her.

Before a young single man embarks on a relationship with a mature married woman he should not. This is a totally negative equity relationship that has little merit beyond sex. Most single guys have a time-limit on dealing with mature married women because they have a limited shelf-life when it comes to being sexually attractive. Once skin continues to wrinkle and there is little to tuck or pull in order for her to appear younger or more attractive, then the once hot (MILF) becomes a liability a social liability to him.

This may be a hard pill for some women to swallow, but the fact is that other mitigating factors may arise such as her rationale for cheating with a younger man and her limitations on the relationship in respect to fear. The larger picture is that she may know her limitations and maybe taking advantage of the time horizon she has before getting too old to remain attractive. Another factor could be that the younger single man has some other incentive such as being paid or bribed, going for bragging rights with his peers about being with an older woman, or even falling in love.

The problem is that throughout history many couples involved in these arrangements have thought of ways of making it last, but rarely has it ever not due to the age difference, but because of the discreet infidelity. The contemporary trend is for older women to date younger men in an effort to redeem years lost in horrible marriages, to relive those glory days of the past, or to reconcile some of the negative criticisms pointed about her body or character by her spouse.  Another reason why mature women cheat with younger guys is control in the sense of dictating some of the very things that her spouse may have denied her.

In any case, younger single guys should try to avoid situations with married mature women at all cost. One consideration that has not been touched is the insecurity that accompanies the paranoia of cheating on a larger scale.  If she happens to be single or divorced, then there is hope for the relationship to work, but there is a mine-field of considerations prior to taking on the endeavor.

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When Should You Let Go of a Relationship?

Break All Day!
Break All Day! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When Should You Let Go of a Relationship?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The word commitment is a very strong one in the terms of relationships and some people bind themselves to others based solely on it.  However, there comes a time when the risks and obligations out-weigh the benefits. People are usually slow to admit they are wrong because it reflects a bit on their character and judgment. The emotional attachment is the equity put into a relationship and the last thing a person wants to hear is that the relationship is failing or if neglected, has failed.  Friends and family are commonly the first indicators when it comes to seeing something out of sync in a relationship and it comes down to the brave soul that is willing enough to tell the person on the losing end.  Today with Twitter, Facebook and other social media, relationships are started and terminated without the luxury of meeting face to face.  Women commonly have more difficulty in a break-up in a relationship than men based on social norms more than anything else.  A man is expected to remain strong and not shed a tear in front of her.  Women on the other hand may go to further extremes in order to sustain the relationship.  In so many ways, women are the nurturers of the relationship, ensuring that the integrity of it remains intact, they set the pace and tone of the union.  Men provide the logistics for the endeavor to flourish. This is a 50/50 situation.

Unfortunately, when one member of the relationship decides that he or she wants out, there are a lot of things that come to light.  Relationships are an emotional experience that becomes part of one’s routine, giving people purpose, and shared responsibility.  In many cases when a relationship dies, the purpose of an individual comes into question.  Think about couples that have been married for decades and suddenly there is a divorce. The woman may have to take more time to adjust to a new role not only in relation to being single, but in the sense of losing the status associated with someone married including friends and associates.  There is a great sense of loss.

Women are usually the fighters for relationships and may be harder to convince that all was done to salvage them. This is especially true when it comes to women with children.  Their interest is the priority and keeping the family unit intact becomes vital.  Counseling is a way that many modern women attempt to retain a relationship that is in jeopardy or fix issues that are sticking-points.  However, rejection by a partner is no easy feat to master and personalizing that rejection heightens emotions.

The best practices for protecting yourself from being potentially hurt begins with the introduction of your partner to friends and family.  Take notice of their initial reaction to him or her because there are things that you may not see. Remember that all people have experiences and some may see things that may be red-flags to avoid.  If you are just getting to know this person, don’t be so quick to become their advocate in respect to friends and family because if it is a bad start, things can only get worse.  If things go well initially and you notice some problems, discuss them immediately and do not do what some do by letting it fester and become part of the relationship.  In the case the two of you reach a stale-mate early on about an issue, you and your partner may try counseling by a licensed professional. However, if he or she fails to participate or gives good lip-service just to get through it, cut your losses early before too much emotional capital is spent.

Before going into a relationship it does well be to mindful that it can end abruptly and you should have a strategy to deal with it.  For instance, if he decides to shut down completely and state he wants out without reason or comment, it is natural to try to effectively communicate.  You should not dwell on it too long because if you do it will become more of a personalized rejection that is far harder to manage than a situational rejection.  Some people attempt a post interview with their partner once it is announced that he or she is leaving, this only works if the other party is willing to discuss the matter. If you have effective communications in the beginning, it helps if he or she cares to discuss it.  What you must remember is that shutting down and wanting out is a selfish act on the part of the other person and your feelings, equity in the relationship and time are irrelevant to that person at that point in time.

Before accepting this individual back into your life if and when they decide to open up, you should protect yourself emotionally and approach the interaction as if you are beginning anew with objectivity and skepticism at the fore-front.  The other party will have to use full disclosure as to the reason for shutting down and you should express to him or her about the cost you have undertaken during that period.  It would be wise to allow him or her to measure up to the level of trust they left with, do not give it to them again at the same level initially. View it as an employee that left the job unannounced and they are reapplying to work for you again.  Bring him or her back as an intern and monitor their progress through the stages.  Leaving the emotional and sexual elements out of the process will eliminate him or her coming back to a sexually comforting situation.

If you do not decide to allow this person back into your life, void the guilt and stick with the facts as they were when the individual left because if it was done once, it can be done again and the words, “I’ve changed.” are meaningless without the protracted actions to prove this change. People have certain opportunities to be in your life at certain points in it and the duration is entirely up to you.  In the event of a spouse or partner passing it is understandable to become emotionally torn for an extended period, but you cannot dwell on memories and must live for the person you loved that died.

The whole process of letting go is based on your time and how you let go is the key. Fighting for a relationship just to have the children’s  father in the house while being at total odds is not healthy and could lead to even more complications.  Also, fighting for a partner that insists on cheating is not the answer and turning a blind eye to infidelity benefits no one, not even the other person because as he or she has deceived  you, they will deceive another.

Make sure that you have thought out an emotional protective strategy and plan to protect yourself in the event of the demise of a relationship and understand that the world does not end with divorce papers or a break-up but begins with the first step toward your future growth.

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Logic of a Cheating Woman

Logic of a Cheating Woman
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

As there are differences between men and women so are various practices including those of infidelity in relationships.  Society gives men passes for such indiscretions, but women are held more accountable due to social norms.  However the motivations may be similar when it comes to infidelity in the sense that it is a selfish act even though some symptoms are empathetic among humans.  A man cheats more out of immediate inconvenience where as a woman does it usually after reviewing the long-term wake of such a decision.

The one thing that men should consider is that when and if a woman cheats, it is commonly something that has been pondered for a while before committing the act.  The premise for a woman to cheat has more to do with emotional neglect more so than a physical need for immediate sexual gratification as in the case with men.  Now, there are those that are impulsive and will act upon compulsions, but not on a grand scale.

Cheating is regularly used as an attention grabber for women in order to retain a certain value as a lady that may have faded in the relationship.  Another view is that women still love to remain sought-after even in a relationship (preferably by her partner).  The sense of feeling unattractive may peak the curiosity for both men and women to see if they still have what it takes to get the person.

In the case of men, they will ride an extra-marital affair until the wheels fall off and accept the challenges if they are or are not caught.  Women on the other-hand usually plan a course of action in the event things go wrong.  This means there is a more comprehensive methodology for their actions to establish a relationship with someone they can trust and someone who is accessible and in a sense exclusive.  Women may go to great lengths such as as having affairs out of town or even meeting others discreetly in strange places to ensure that they are being secretive.   Confidentiality is the word.  Also, it should be noted that if a woman cares to hurt her partner she may deliberately use sloppy tactics to get caught in order to enhance the impact of the trauma.  However, most women rarely go to such an extreme and instead use the affair to regain the emotional strength to assist in fulfilling the void within her.

Infidelity is a totally selfish act by its own merit and therefore people engaging in this practice put themselves first despite the moral implications.  Issues such as disease, pregnancy and other considerations weigh heavy and therefore a particular form of care takes place in selecting a partner outside of the abs and muscles.  One thing that tethers men and women to their primary relationships is the capacity for guilt.  A woman may digest this harsh pill in the framework of her intentions to clearly understand that if caught the relationship is over.  However, when a woman has made the choice to cheat, the act may be more deliberate due to the longer process that leads up to the act.

Another distinction is that a man who cheats expects to be forgiven even though women may be understanding, but not willing to continue.  In some cases it is a relief for the woman when the man cheats to end a bad relationship without fault.  A woman may be less motivated to ask for forgiveness and instead may ask for a divorce.  The male may react to retain the relationship more out of pride in ownership than love.  However this is not the generic case, but a consideration.  Through it all, women have needs as do men and when those needs are neglected there are temptations to stray.

The Naked Frustrated Woman

The Naked Frustrated Woman
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The naked frustrated woman (NFW) is that female who wants to have sex, but has not found a desirable or worthy mate. She is self-respecting and unwilling to compromise and therefore she finds herself sexually flustered and lonely. It is no secret that many women who find themselves in this situation may opt to masturbation or going head-first in activities that both burn residual energy and relieve sexual tension if not deflecting it temporarily. The bottom-line is sexually stimulation remains a necessity in the human condition despite social measures to keep it out of the open forum. Women face this problem more often than men due to the very nature of their expected social behavior. However, some women are going beyond the traditional norms of depraving their desires or deflecting them through self-pleasure by using the same strategy as men are know for so regularly, Friends With Benefits. This is a form of intimacy that most women remain ashamed to openly admit.

The premise of the FWB arrangement is that there is a casual attachment with sexual intimacy at the core. These arrangements may work well on a short-term basis, but over a longer period complications can ensue. One of the main problems with these relationships has to do with remaining emotionally unattached from their sexual partner and enforcing ground-rules early on. One of the most common ground-rules have to do with dating or seeing others. Many times women will set the agenda to only have exclusive intimacy arrangements with that part in the hopes of having the same respect in turn. However, this is also a vulnerability because fatigue as in any relationship may cause one to wonder. Another aspect of these arrangements is that they have no true foundation or even a forward goal beyond sex. The implications are that these rendez-vous may only occur during certain times of the month or week or in some cases based on schedules.

Some women prefer this practice in order to control the behavior of the partner and access to themselves on an as-needed basis much like being on-call for a job. The tendency is to use this arrangement as a form of empowerment to dictate behavior and activity. The structure of these arrangements vary from living together to being in separate locations. Usually being separate is preferred. However, any situation involving human leads to the area of subjectivity. Simply put, the process of stacking becomes appealing which means retaining several of these relationships between others in different locations. Women who use this also view those scattered venues as potential get-aways. Now, it should be understood that men may do the same, however the distinct difference is that guys view it as an opportunity for sex at face-value. In essence the guy doesn’t necessarily have to like or love the woman, but treat her as tension-relief. And of course some women do this, but most would have to like and trust the guy much more than the reverse.

If left unchecked, the woman may fall into the trap of using the men and quickly get in way over her head if she gives the slightest implication of a potential long-term relationship. When feelings get involved in these relationships beyond the physical aspects hearts can be easily broken. Also, guys in these situations may find themselves as the lover, boyfriend, or husband of last resort if those further up the food-chain reject her. This is one way women can wind-up using the word settling for a guy. This is one approach to a women fulfilling her needs.

The second is a bit more interesting in the sense that her intimate desires may be fulfilled temporarily or permanently with another woman. Relationships of this nature are becoming very popular in that both parties may not be lesbians, but bi-curious or just straight women seeking pleasure without strings attached. In this case intimacy trumps lust and serves as an alternative until a desirable man is acquired. Again, however the difficulty remains in not getting too serious with the other party emotionally. In both of these practices the woman may act on a resident need, but not a long-term satisfying situation. Other complications may occur of the female partner is a lesbian and is lead to beleive that a tangible relationship may materialize.

Another approach is that f the truly sexually frustrated female that chooses to wait until she finds the right guy. She may not have the desire to self-stimulate, be with another woman or man, but instead hold-out until the right person comes along. Women using this practice are commonly very productive at work and may find varied interest to take up their time. They spend much time suppressing their sexual needs in some cases as those that try to fulfil them. It is also not uncommon for these women to make a nice living for themselves independent of anyone else. However, some of the consideration that they must contend with are loneliness (as a given) and fostering a more centric perception of their own desires. The results are most evident in personal ads and online dating profiles where women may have a laundry-list of requirements before dating. In short, these women build walls around themselves with the expectation that Mr. Right will break them down to get to his Queen. That scenario may work in stories and screenplays for television, but the common results could result in being alone at age 40 or so with very little experience with intimacy. One of the side-effects from this lack of intimacy is the potential failure of satisfying a partner sexually. Yes, people brag about their skills in the bed-room, but one must consider that is solely from their perspective and not their partner’s. This potential lack of fulfilment for a partner could lead to infidelity if she cannot satify him or her.

There are also women who may do the polar opposite and sleep with many men or women to feed the beast. The motivations vary from harboring anger from past relationships that have gone wrong to just having sex as a weakness and all other points in between. Guys rarely take these women seriously for relationships based on the potential of running into one or several other guys or women that have slept with them. Get gratified now and worry about a serious relationship later is their approach.

In conclusion these are just four of the main approaches women use when it come sto dealing with sexual frustration beside the stereo-typical angry woman that lingers on the tongues of thos ein society. The one thing to remember is that too much and too little of something is never a good thing.