One Woman’s Take on Masturbation & Marriage

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now and masturbation is an important part of our marriage.  It was not easy at first, because I used to think when my man did it,another woman was on his mind.  Seeing and hearing his meat flapping at night after we had sex made me feel inadequate.  After he came and I orgasmed, I thought things were done for the night.

Well, being much younger and not knowing, I took it as an insult and labeled him a jerk of the highest level.  I thought it was inconsiderate and selfish.  After making him feel bad and emasculating him for it verbally, I found myself in the worse of moods all of the time.  One night, I woke up as he was stroking hi enis and turned the light on one night and asked him about masturbating.  That was the moment things changed for us.

My usual routine was to put the pillow over my head to drown out the sounds of his moans and to make sure that none of jis sperm saturated the sheets.  However, on this particular night, I pulled up the hem f my night-gown, open my thighs and matched him stroke for stroke with my clit.

He took my hands from between my thighs and guided it over his manhood.  I noticed immediately that he was far more erct than he was inside me only hours earlier.  He wiggled his fingers deep inside me and I guided his hand into the right spot that sent fireworks through my body.  We laid beside each other until I was so wet and he was so hard that sex was the only cure.

From that moment forard, it has become and esential part fo our sexual ritual and one that extends the pleasure in the bedroom.

The Truth About Lying in Relationships

Jausan Logo The Truth About Lying in Relationships
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California


tumblr_mad1k0YD9N1rxax1go1_1280    There is a truth about lying in relationships and both parties have to do it on occasion to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings.  The problem is that often times these lies can lead to a misconceptions about the status of a relationship and the self-perception of the partner.  There are five fundamental threats to a woman’s happiness in a relationship. 1) her own insecurities, 2) the fear of wasting time with their chosen partner, 3) another woman internal (friends) or external (other women) invading her relationship, 4) her partner losing interest in her, and 5) the most dreaded, her weight. 

As you can see 4 & 5 are tangible concerns in that they are directed related and are elements that fall flatly on the shoulders of the woman.  In general women are hardest on themselves when it comes to issues pertaining to the body.  In most cases they prefer to either avoid thinking about it or working on it in some way to enhance it. Some men use it as a weapon to control the female much like a mafia extortion tool to empower themselves in order to control behavior such as exercise and diet.  The goal is to make the woman feel as though she has done something wrong by getting fat.   The situation is then used as cover for infidelity or other activities that can threaten her and the relationship such as breaking-up or divorce.  This is when a lie can be perpetrated by those guys who exploit this insecurity.

    How many times have you heard a woman complain about her weight?   Most often the guy may not be annoyed by it as long as the sex is good.  In fact, some guys have a serious fetish about on dating or marrying women whoa re gross over-weight or out-of-shape.  They like the abundance of the woman like a child laying in a water-bed for the first time.  But one major thing that comes about is that a guy with this preference may lie to the female and encourage her to gain the weight, not to cheat on her, but to place her in a place of dependency and in extreme measure immobility.  The objective is to continue a perpetual trend of ensuring that she will not leave him.  The thought process is that she will remain attractive enough for him, but repulsive enough to lessen her chances to meet a better catch.  Now, there is a distinction between loving someone who is large upon meeting them and being concerned about their health without the constraint of “lose all of the weight or else”.  However, men will also need to grow-up if they meet a woman who is a size zero initially and then has several children.  Many women spread after having children and retain a certain amount of weight afterwards.  And one foot note, the celebrities that make claims about losing the baby-weight varies, because we never know ow many specialists they can afford to hire to undergo the process.

Guys who are into this sort of fetish may actually become angry if the weight is lost because there are men out there who like cellulite and stretch-marks because they think they are sexy.  Yes, and for this reason, larger women wearing tight-fitting clothing that many would make double-takes to stare at the spectacle, they are confident because someone told them they look good.  Some people may call these guys “Chubby Chasers”, but even in that realm of humanity the fantasy out-weighs the reality of health concerns.  And sometimes a larger single woman may dress provocative just to get the attention because the rationale is that she only needs one good guy out of the pack.  These women are very keen on this and even though some may laugh and point, there is a man, woman, or couple that would love to bed them.

Of course there are others that insist on wearing the clothing you used to wear back when they were a bit shapelier and by doing so after many pounds later it may serve as a bit of therapy for someone to notice them.  What they are doing is exactly what slimmer women do, but they are ridiculed for their size more so than their other attributes.  The misconception is that if others lie to her about how attractive she is when it is obvious that she is not, then she may believe them to a point of taking the social flack.  Usually, women who are large and provocative develop tough skin over time and this has a lot to do with being under-appreciated by society as a whole.  The media influences our self perceptions and being that 70% of advertisement is geared toward women with a message that challenges their current status, this reaction is normal.  The toughest part of dealing with a guy who has such a fetish is to distinguish when you best interest is placed in jeopardy over his desire to fulfill a fantasy.  In concept, this is a selfish move on his part. 

One of the main complaints among men about larger women is the lack of flexibility during sex.  However, a man may still find himself dating or being with a larger woman despite the criticism.  No matter what, these women need to be loved like anyone else and sometimes they may need to go that extra mile to feel appreciated and take a break from the social criticism and just be themselves.  The Biggest threat is a patronizing (not loving) partner that only sees his fantasy being met based on a larger size woman.   




The Sexually Incompatible Couple

The Sexually Incompatible Couple
J A U S A N ®
a private online community since 1995″
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California


Contrary to popular belief, there are thousands if not millions of couples that do not have sex due to a myriad of reasons from religious observations to down-right hating the practice.  Now, in some of these relationships, one party may be satisfied with the arrangement and the other may have serious issues with the intimate portion of their alliance. One common theme that resonates is the lack of interest, especially among some females after having children and being married.  This should be expected because men may fail to realize the associations with motherhood in the sense that women add another role to their resume when it comes to pleasing others.  Yes, women have to please family, friends, bosses, and of course their men.  This is one practical function that is regularly over-looked especially when it comes down to being responsible for the maintenance of the household.  There are many women who take on the expected tasks without any difficulty the does not reflect in bedroom performances, but their remains a number that are literally exhausted.  These women can easily classify sex as a chore or even a job.  In some cases they may go through the motions of enjoying the experience more so to get it over with than to actually enjoy the venture.  Problems arise however when they treat sex as a job that they hate, then this may be the first layer of the peeling onion.

This fatigue may not even be solely about sex as it could derive from just being tired.  However, women are expected in many cases to put on a smile until her man rolls over and falls asleep.  In cases of this nature a woman may want to speak with a professional to discover ways of managing or spacing herself so that she is not so overwhelmed.  The reason for addressing this sooner than later has more to do with preventing a spiral in sexual relations that could result in potential infidelity on the part of her partner. 

The word obligation is used a lot in matters of the bedroom for certain women.  However, in Guy-Code, when a single guy hears a woman say “My wifely duties…” the immediate assumption is that sex hates sex.  This helps in avoiding certain types of women, especially the more mature “Cougars”.  The predisposition of the man is based more on a preconceived stereo-type based solely on such a statement.  It may sound trivial, but the way most singles weed-out the potential bad decisions and mistakes is through such methods.   What a guy fears the most is marrying a woman that hates sex for whatever reason.

Women, however do get frustrated with men that either ejaculate too quickly, or have difficulty getting and erection.  Of course, there are products on the market that may assist them, but there are still concerns about the lingering effects on health.  Another, issue that most women would never mention to a guy directly is the inadequacy of his penis in respect to size and vigor.  Yes, I went there, because like a woman may become exhausted from everyday tasks, she may want to avoid sex due to a sense of preconceived disappointment.  It is no surprise that according to data acquired by  the Kinsey Institute,  the highest demographic of females that masturbate with male partners and spouses are women between the ages of 25 – 29 years of age.  They are expected to do this with a partner at least 64% over the lifetime of a relationship.  Women ages 30 – 39 fall into the second largest category with 63.1%. However, as they mature, the masturbatory practices with partners decreases, but individual masturbation increases with age.  The finding can be interpreted as ambiguous in the sense that minds cannot be read, but for the most part these practices can be accomplished without the partner which leads us to conclude that having the terms of the stimulation dictated by the individual, it is easy to conclude that other party may not be necessary in the sexual sense. 

The systemic problem may evolve where self-stimulation is more pleasurable and satisfying than being intimate with the partner and therefore sex between the two may not be something that is required.  Even though this may sound speculative, these remain viable considerations.  Besides this practice there may be those that prefer to have another partner that could more readily fulfill the needs.  In some extreme cases a break-up may result from this stalemate so that this element of the relationship may be fulfilled.  The toughest reality for some is to include sex in the portfolio of dating and marital bliss.

There are the problematic past life experiences that may hamper sexual relations such as a traumatic sexual assault or abuse.  This is a situation that may not be so clearly erased with a wedding ring.  Both men and women should consider the work that must take place to both address and acknowledge the impact.  Some may have moved on with their lives by seeking counseling and support to assist in managing the trauma, while others may attempt to go it alone and self-medicate.  This form of self-medication may include avoiding sexual situations totally, establishing special rules for intimacy, or even swinging to the other way by not having any inhibitions.  There is no magic pill that will cure people that experienced such a horrible situation.  Therefore, before dating or marrying someone that has survived such a situation, patience is important.  Also, if they share such information throughout the relationship, they will need support, and understanding because they have trusted you with something that is equivalent to being robbed of their humanity.

Now, there are women and men who suppress sexual relations based solely on religious grounds, this may mean not having sex until married, only having sex after marriage to procreate.  The worst thing that a single person who does not subscribe to this practice can do is to pursue a relationship if the requirements cannot be met.  Yes, there are people that allow their personal egos to get in the way and they just want to have sex with that person despite the values and doctrines.  These people only have a goal to win or to convert the person away from their religious practices.  In the case of these men and women who exercise this method just for the sex are wasting their time along with the potential partner.

And yes, there are those that may actually hate sex for no other reason that it is a tool to acquire a relationship with a person.  They in fact may use sex as the tool for getting things or having certain request met.  For this reason the “Honey do…” thing works.  Men understand that the prize may be sex if they comply, especially if a woman uses it to get what she wants.  In this sense it is more of a mutual exchange of exploitation.  The obligatory sex issue comes up again here, because it may have to be done in order to retain a lifestyle or standard of living in some way.  Also, it is not too uncommon for these women to self-pleasure, or have some strict rules for sexual engagement that has very little to do with satisfying a partner.  As an example a girlfriend or wife may like oral sex, but hates penetration, while the husband or boyfriend may like the same, but she may not consider such a task because in an extreme case she can leverage divorce as an incentive to comply. 

One question that women commonly ask is “Why does my man want anal?”  This is of course a deal-breaker for many women and most guys would never dare ask a woman for such a feat.  After interviewing several male participants in informal poles and surveys, we found that the leading reason for men wanting to do this with women only has more to do with the fit and visual stimulation of a woman’s bottom and hips that are unique to a woman’s build.  The interesting take-away from the interviews was that the overtures that some suggest about homosexuality were repulsive among participants.

In competing the survey the male participants were asked one specific question, “Would the lack of sex in general within your relationship lead to…” A)Counseling, B) Separation, C) Infidelity, D) Divorce, or E) No Change in the Relationship.  Over 74% selected C as their response to the question with other responses almost evenly split among A, B, and C.  Another aspect that was amazing during the conversations was the diversity in sexual issues they had in the bedroom with their partners and spouses.  The results from a female survey using the same questions was conducted with 61% of the women selecting E , 21% selecting D, and the remainder split between A,B, and C.

The scope of sexual incompatibility is broad and may include religion, moral, same sex preferences, medical conditions, and or past trauma among others so therefore communications early on in the relationship is important to discover and examine what is initially shared.  This is the period of information-gathering that should be used to make an informed decision as to whether or not to pursue a relationship.  The challenge is to get past the happy talk and find out whether this is the right person for you.  Now, no one is going to open their wallet of information within the first few weeks, but if it goes 90 days or ix months without addressing the topic of intimacy, then there is a problem. Think and be safe.

The Reality of Mercy Sex

The Reality of Mercy Sex
J A U S A N ®                       
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The one thing that women may be challenged with that many men fail to acknowledge is the Mercy Sex complex.  There are few women who do this as a means to either get rid of a guy or to reduce his interest in her.  It sounds bizarre, but there is a method to this madness.  The women do this in an effort of ending a relationship or the probability of a relationship.  The premise is simple, to sleep wit the guy and create a non-event type of experience so that he would not care to sleep with them again.  Most often this is used by women who have a guy that has literally done everything she wanted for her and in some way she feels as though she owes him a favor.  The easiest way to seal the deal and move on in thier minds at times is to just sleep with him and all things are good.

As mentioned earlier, only a select group of women use this tactic because it serves two purposes, 1) to see whether the guy is worth pursuing in a long-term arrangement, and 2) to repay a debt of some sort.  In both cases, women should avoid using this approach because when it comes to sex guys will return until the life-line is cut.  You may hear women mention getting rid of a guy through just having sex with him.  Wrong answer, because it becomes more of an incentive.  Another factor that may come into play is the use of sex in times of crisis, for instance, your girlfriend  breaks her boyfriend’s heart and you take it upon yourself to 1) jump at the opportunity, and 2) to satisfy your curiosity about the tales she may have told about her escapades in the bedroom.

Guilt is usually the motivating factor that compels someone to use sex in this way.  The fact is that sex on this level have more challenges in the sense that it may become casual and routine quickly.  The problem usually comes about after the crisis has past and one or both parties view the liaison as nothing more than a convenient booty-call.  However, if pregnancy occurs then there are another host of problems.

Mercy Sex can also be born out of extreme loneliness, especially between women and their best male friend.  The danger is that once intimate, the friendship can never be the same.  Think of it this way, once naked and in a compromising position, that image is burned into the mind.  Therefore, women who try to return to a platonic relationship with a male friend after intimacy are just fooling themselves.  One falsehood that women believe is that men think lesser of them after sleeping with them.  To the contrary men may in fact treat them better than others after sharing such an experience.  However, one thing that women fail to understand is that their attitude in the process of getting to the point of intimacy is what makes men act like jerks after sex.  The goal of every guy is to see as many women as possible naked in their life-time that are not related to them and in a relevant age-range.  This is the very reason why porn is so popular among men because it is the voyeuristic aspect of it all.  In short, when they see a woman built a certain way nude then they have an idea how a woman may look naked even though she has clothes.

The threat of porn is the reason why some women do things with their partners that they may not like doing or would not normally do in other relationships.  These sex acts against a person’s preference is a form of mercy sex.  There are women offended by oral sex for instance and this may lead to a wandering partner or worse, a “headless husband”.  Also, this situation can be reversed with women that may desire certain sex acts that the husband may find offensive.  However, the latter is less likely.  Strip-clubs, porn, and gawking at other women is a symptom more so than a problem.  Becoming defensive is more of an excuse than a real solution.  In short, intimacy is a very important factor in a relationship, but should never be the sole focus in a relationship.

Friends with Benefits… Just don’t get Serious

Friends with Benefits
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
Friends with Benefits (film)
Friends with Benefits (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Friends with Benefits cliche’ has been around for decades and it remains en vogue to this very day. The primary purpose of these relationships is to create the illusion of interest in a person while having sex.

The truth is that these relationships are commonly superficial and sex is the only mutual benefit from the exchange. Three factors that can easily ruin these relationships are STD’s, pregnancy and if one of the two parties attempts to develop the relationship into something more than a friendly booty-call.

These arrangements are usually created over time between two people as a casual friendship that evolves into a continued sexual encounter. Both parties go into this arrangement for purely physical reasons and rarely do these situations materialize into anything of  marital value. The fundamental problem with attempting to develop sustainable relationships from these situations is that they are usually just convenient sexual situations that allows both parties to become sex objects.

They become the noun of things “My Dude”, “My Side-piece”, you’ve got the idea, and places become those parts of the body satisfied by the sexual experience, and finally the person is nothing more than a tool to relieve tension.  The approaches are different because women prefer to romanticize the situation as being sexually desirable. A man takes a different view in that the visual aspect of the relationship out-weighs any portion of responsibility associated with the relationship. It becomes a game in which sex is the premise and going beyond that point is a liability.

The consequences of this arrangement is that one or both parties will tire from the same old sexual situation over time. Statistically, it is usually the male because before women get involved in these types of arrangements, it is usually someone they have built trust and confidence in some way. Guys rarely need this level of assurance and therefore are more likely to move on quickly upon the termination of the relationship.

Women often get hurt in these situations because the guy usually leaves first especially if pressure is applied by an ultimatum of some sort. The misconception some women have is that her brand of sexual activity will bring him back or keep him in some way. One thing that all singles and couples must understand is that there is always someone out there that is better than your mate sexually and the reality is that most people wind up ignorant of that fact and settle with who is more convenient.

Fatigue is the enemy in these relationships because it creates a routine that leads to being bored. This is the key reason why men and women cheat in general. The same old sex with the same old person can become mind-numbing over-time and sex becomes more of a chore or obligation than a fulfilling experience with that person.

Also these friends with benefits relationships rarely address relationship equity. And yes, some come with are rules that are not required in more conventional relationships. Dating other people for instance may be allowed and therefore subjecting both parties to other people that might suit them better than the current arrangement. If the two parties do not live together, then rules must be established in respect to visitation, illness, conduct, and behavior . For most guys this is too much work and they may opt to sleep with her a few times and move on and allow some other more needy individual to deal with all of the rules and regulations.  Another issue is the dual role of the relationship in which in certain situations the partners may or one of them may classify themselves as a couple and in others they are just friends.  Needless-to-say, the treatment comes with the circumstance.

A lot of bisexual women may have these relationships with straight men and therefore have the autonomy to dictate the relationship by keeping the guy around in the hopes of a threesome or have him as a sexual toy like a breathing vibrator when she prefers male sexual companionship. Guys that hang around for this event are usually wasting their time because if the woman gives in, there may not be an incentive to stay for the guy hoping to bed two women at some point.

In any case these relationship are situational, temporary, and rarely lead to a sustainable romantic bonds beyond sex. And you should not that those who care to embrace such a relationship should understand that women and men familiar with this practice may do this on a regular basis between relationships that they value. Think of these arrangements as nothing more than a demo of sexual interaction for a specific purpose and nothing more. The higher the expectations from these relationships, the harder one will fall when they fail.  It should not be a shocker if you meet a person who has a line of friends of the opposite sex that know as much as much or more about your partner’s intimate preferences than you do.

Using Sex as a Tool in Relationships

Using Sex as a Tool in Relationships
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

There are people on the singles scene who believe sex is a tool that can trump logic when it comes to conflict, problems, and impasses.  And the sad commentary is that these people take this warped sense of normalcy into long-term relationships.  And the differences between the genders in relation to sex from this perspective are vastly different.  The guy is the hunter and the female is the prey.  Every woman exploits this probability for a man in some way.  However, very few women realize that men have two main focuses with any woman outside family and close friends, 1) to see them naked if permitted, and 2) to sleep with them.  Very few guys will ever confess to this, bur being that I am single, I am will take a bullet for the team LoL.  However, there are some habits from the Premium Sexual Possibility (PSP) that women dangle in front of men at times that makes it into marriages. How many times have you heard a married woman use a sexual act as a favor to acquire items with husband, sometimes jokingly and other times seriously.  The truth is that manipulation and exploitation are part of who we are as humans and therefore routines utilizing these elements in our personalities become an acceptable practice.

Think of it this way, a single female that does not use her sexuality as leverage with men would never consider having to perform a sex act even joking in an effort to acquire the thing she wants and later in marriage those same practices are exercised.  The dynamic is that this may influence her choice in mates such as a partner who can appreciate an independent woman who doesn’t have to use her sexuality to manipulate.  On occasion a joke for sarcasm. may be… but when it becomes part of a routine there may be communications issues or terms within the relationship that may be imbalanced.

It takes a while for some people to figure out that sex is a relevant part of a relationship that eventually tapers-off with age.   We hear all of the exceptions to the rules of course, but by and large couples that have been together for an extended period of time do not engage in the practice as they did in their younger years before or shortly after marriage.  There are many factors that come into play such as kids, work schedules, and disputes that may result from time to time in some sort of isolation.  You hear the senseless argument of couples picking a fight for the make-up sex.  The truth is that if a couple has to go to such an extreme that could be accomplished with a total stranger instead of a loved one.

The shock for many women who base their relationship largely on the sexual aspect is when the male partner cheats or outsources the practice.  Sexual currency does have a shelf-life and there has to be more than sex itself to keep a relationship going as we know, but sex is not therapy because the conflict that existed before going into the bed-room remains outside of it.  One example is if or when a man cheats and instead of dealing with the reason for his infidelity, she falls into competition with the other woman to win him back sexually.

The sexual favors and sexual therapy approaches remain controversial to some women because it smacks of prostitution and desperation.  However, many of the modern independent women have sex with their partner out of love and physical need while retaining their independence, sense of self-worth and personal integrity.

Another issue that comes about with over-sexualized relationships is that over time she gets boring to him due to no fault of her own.  It has more to do with men preferring to see other features, builds, and types of women in the physical sense. An example of this is the estimated 2 billion plus men estimated throughout the world that have looked at adult material either over the Internet or in print.  Therefore, some women are intimidated by the material and fall under the impression that the women being viewed is what is desired.  In some cases that is true, but interestingly enough there are some informal surveys such as results published in the Huffington Post ( that counters this argument suggesting that people cheat with less attractive partners.  The implications are that the model types in magazines or on the Internet are dreams instead of realities.

In closing. women using sexual currency to get things may want to review the structure of their relationship and those that use it as a means to appease after abuse may need to seek help.  Statistically, sex only last for 15 minutes according to some surveys and this means some people may interact with their partners and spouses in the same time-alotted intervals when it comes to conflict.  There are many licensed professionals that can assist in resolving issues and these resources are sometimes underutilized.

Should a woman sleep with her closest male friend?

Should a woman sleep with her closest male friend?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

People fail to discuss this issue, but it was brought up during a recent conversation with a female friend.  She has been single since The Great Recession of 2008 after going through a divorce.  Now, she has recovered financially and emotionally and is ready to date once more.  The difficulty for her is that during the time of her financial and emotional rehabilitation, she met this guy and became very close friends early on.  Now, however she is comfortable with him and his personality, but she used the dreaded FRIENDS word that guys hate to hear.

The problem of course is that their relationship is platonic and never had sexual or romantic overtures and she wants to change that perception of the relationship.  This is a typical situation that some women more so than men find themselves in when trust issues remain in the ether of life after divorces or break-ups.  As with most women, she does not want to be perceived as a loose woman or easy in some way, but she does have her sexual needs.

I explained to her that in any relationship a woman sets the pace in respect to how fast it advances and the limits.  If she is really smart boundaries should be set up-front.  The one thing that women in general should realize is that once a woman classifies a guy as a friend, it translates to “There is no way in hell I will ever sleep with you”.  One rule of thumb I used to use on the dating scene was to establish the friendship word first to put her at ease and to avoid confining myself too early with someone before finding a better match.  However, in this case the gentleman agreed with her about the friendship and never tried to advance.

Now he could be like myself and several other friends I know that hold a woman to their word in respect to converting friends to lovers.  The reason behind this is to quickly label them and move on through the 3 billion or so women in the world until finding a suitable match.  Another reason why most guys do not hang around too much after being called the friend is due to the pet-treatment when the guy is a harmless little toy with an appendage.  There are more than enough guys playing nice as friends waiting for the opportunity to bed their female friend.

I recommended to her not to sleep with him not on moral grounds, but because she only knows him as a platonic friend and not in an intimate way to so abruptly change that situation.  Needless to say, my advice was cast to the side and she did the deed.  Afterwards, she felt really bad and to make matters worse, he changed his number and will not speak to her.  She wanted me to blog about this and give her my suggestion after being beside herself for compromising a friendship.  I’ll be brief.

The reason why he slept with you and failed to resume the friendship has to do with several factors that you would not have any control over.  First he was not into to you sexually, but maybe viewed you as as sister-figure.  Secondly, he is probably serious about some else and you would be in the way. Thirdly, he may not have thought you were that good in bed.  I understand that this may sound rather harsh, but even though you built up a level of trust with him over the years, he wrote you off as a good friend based on what you established early on.  Over time he got to know you better and maybe you also knew him too well for a relationship.  Mystery while meeting someone is one of the thrills of dating.

Also,  better approach is to establish your intentions early on instead of springing it on him because rarely will a guy turn down sex.  There are some people who are better at public relations than with one-on-one interpersonal communications or intimacy.  In any case it was a learning experience.  Each situation is different and therefore you did all of the right things, however remember that if you opt for a booty-call of sorts please do not expect nothing more than that.  More than likely he left because a relationship was not what he was looking for at the time.  It’s not personal just subjective dating.

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California


According to two 2009 Indiana University studies from participants that included national representative samples of American adult gay and straight men and women revealed that during sexual intercourse, vibrator use was a normal activity. The studies also revealed that about 53% of women and 45% of men between the ages of 18 to 60 used sexual devices to sustain or enhance their sexual activities in relationships.

Some other findings from the studies revealed that 1 in 4 of the participants had used a vibrator in the past month.  Also, 70% of the women admitted that they failed to have any adverse physical side-effects from the use of vibrators.  A minor number of complains were reported that expressed temporary skin irritation, genital numbness, and inflammation of genitalia.

Some men used the vibrator for testicular exams. One surprising finding was that men scored higher in regards to stimulation, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic functions, and sexual desires than women in some instances. Even though this is a small sampling maybe too small to set policies, laws etc., it can be said that sexual devices such as vibrators are not just for lonely women anymore. However, the use of vibrators by women remains a discreet issue that only some women care to admit publicly to members outside of their own gender.  As a foot note Japanese, South Korean, and Chinese women purchase more of these devices than any other population of females in the world.

Masturbation in the United States has been a controversial subject especially when it comes to religious considerations. Today the act is becoming more entrenched in the American culture as movies often reference the practice and recording artists go through    the motions on stage. The taboo nature of the practice still makes some people uncomfortable even though most people begin masturbating in their teen-age years at an estimated 72% according to some accounts.

Both men and women masturbate to discharge stored energy that may be attributed to stress or some other factor associated with hormones. The striking difference between the genders is that men may masturbate to a form of media where as a women may use her imagination more so to reach orgasm. However, it should be noted that according to the studies,  most women would prefer having sex with a real person even though a few preferred self stimulation only for sexual needs.

But there are problems with those women that become accustomed to being alone and masturbating. They have a tendency to create a habit or sexual expectation for the stimulation. This means that they may find themselves having sex with a male or female partner and fall short of orgasm without the stimulation of the device or their own masturbatory practice.

This has caused problems for certain women with their partners from the perspective of their lover failing to achieve the desired goal of making the female orgasm. The one major issue for women while masturbating is the envisioned fantasy that puts them in a place to fully enjoy the moment. Very few of them are like men that can look at a person’ s body and within seconds be finished with a sweaty sock.

Women have sex in layers like peeling an onion until reaching the core. For men sex is most often an act, for women it is most often a process. Some men are immediately intimidated when dating a woman and finding out that she has an array of pleasure toys. The size of the toys are commonly the most intimidating for some guys when comparing their appendages. Some perceive themselves as a gimp when it comes to pleasing a woman with a device. However, women that reveal to their men for the first time that they have toys run the risk of running them off or making them ready to work with her. For this reason most women keep this situation a secret until later, meaning instead of getting rid of the device they place them in storage just in case the guy is lousy in bed. There is a vast array of these devices on the market  and prices continue to rise as demand increases.

Women have parties that display the newest and latest devices in efforts to rekindle relationships with husbands and boyfriends, or finding the best device to complete the job. No matter what gender, masturbation is a lonely act that is more self-serving than anything else because the person doing it knows the spot, angle, and speed to satisfy his or her desire. Some people are diametrically opposed to the use of devices not necessarily on moral grounds, but on the premise of self-esteem. The objective mind may be repulsed by an object without feeling or emotion being allowed into places that warrant warm flesh. This is a valid argument, but as women age and find it harder to have sexual desires met with a model with six-pack abs, playing it safe in the comfort of one’s domain eliminates the threats of sexually transmitted disease, the potential for becoming pregnant while fulfilling sexual needs until the right man or woman arrives.

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The Naked Frustrated Woman

The Naked Frustrated Woman
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The naked frustrated woman (NFW) is that female who wants to have sex, but has not found a desirable or worthy mate. She is self-respecting and unwilling to compromise and therefore she finds herself sexually flustered and lonely. It is no secret that many women who find themselves in this situation may opt to masturbation or going head-first in activities that both burn residual energy and relieve sexual tension if not deflecting it temporarily. The bottom-line is sexually stimulation remains a necessity in the human condition despite social measures to keep it out of the open forum. Women face this problem more often than men due to the very nature of their expected social behavior. However, some women are going beyond the traditional norms of depraving their desires or deflecting them through self-pleasure by using the same strategy as men are know for so regularly, Friends With Benefits. This is a form of intimacy that most women remain ashamed to openly admit.

The premise of the FWB arrangement is that there is a casual attachment with sexual intimacy at the core. These arrangements may work well on a short-term basis, but over a longer period complications can ensue. One of the main problems with these relationships has to do with remaining emotionally unattached from their sexual partner and enforcing ground-rules early on. One of the most common ground-rules have to do with dating or seeing others. Many times women will set the agenda to only have exclusive intimacy arrangements with that part in the hopes of having the same respect in turn. However, this is also a vulnerability because fatigue as in any relationship may cause one to wonder. Another aspect of these arrangements is that they have no true foundation or even a forward goal beyond sex. The implications are that these rendez-vous may only occur during certain times of the month or week or in some cases based on schedules.

Some women prefer this practice in order to control the behavior of the partner and access to themselves on an as-needed basis much like being on-call for a job. The tendency is to use this arrangement as a form of empowerment to dictate behavior and activity. The structure of these arrangements vary from living together to being in separate locations. Usually being separate is preferred. However, any situation involving human leads to the area of subjectivity. Simply put, the process of stacking becomes appealing which means retaining several of these relationships between others in different locations. Women who use this also view those scattered venues as potential get-aways. Now, it should be understood that men may do the same, however the distinct difference is that guys view it as an opportunity for sex at face-value. In essence the guy doesn’t necessarily have to like or love the woman, but treat her as tension-relief. And of course some women do this, but most would have to like and trust the guy much more than the reverse.

If left unchecked, the woman may fall into the trap of using the men and quickly get in way over her head if she gives the slightest implication of a potential long-term relationship. When feelings get involved in these relationships beyond the physical aspects hearts can be easily broken. Also, guys in these situations may find themselves as the lover, boyfriend, or husband of last resort if those further up the food-chain reject her. This is one way women can wind-up using the word settling for a guy. This is one approach to a women fulfilling her needs.

The second is a bit more interesting in the sense that her intimate desires may be fulfilled temporarily or permanently with another woman. Relationships of this nature are becoming very popular in that both parties may not be lesbians, but bi-curious or just straight women seeking pleasure without strings attached. In this case intimacy trumps lust and serves as an alternative until a desirable man is acquired. Again, however the difficulty remains in not getting too serious with the other party emotionally. In both of these practices the woman may act on a resident need, but not a long-term satisfying situation. Other complications may occur of the female partner is a lesbian and is lead to beleive that a tangible relationship may materialize.

Another approach is that f the truly sexually frustrated female that chooses to wait until she finds the right guy. She may not have the desire to self-stimulate, be with another woman or man, but instead hold-out until the right person comes along. Women using this practice are commonly very productive at work and may find varied interest to take up their time. They spend much time suppressing their sexual needs in some cases as those that try to fulfil them. It is also not uncommon for these women to make a nice living for themselves independent of anyone else. However, some of the consideration that they must contend with are loneliness (as a given) and fostering a more centric perception of their own desires. The results are most evident in personal ads and online dating profiles where women may have a laundry-list of requirements before dating. In short, these women build walls around themselves with the expectation that Mr. Right will break them down to get to his Queen. That scenario may work in stories and screenplays for television, but the common results could result in being alone at age 40 or so with very little experience with intimacy. One of the side-effects from this lack of intimacy is the potential failure of satisfying a partner sexually. Yes, people brag about their skills in the bed-room, but one must consider that is solely from their perspective and not their partner’s. This potential lack of fulfilment for a partner could lead to infidelity if she cannot satify him or her.

There are also women who may do the polar opposite and sleep with many men or women to feed the beast. The motivations vary from harboring anger from past relationships that have gone wrong to just having sex as a weakness and all other points in between. Guys rarely take these women seriously for relationships based on the potential of running into one or several other guys or women that have slept with them. Get gratified now and worry about a serious relationship later is their approach.

In conclusion these are just four of the main approaches women use when it come sto dealing with sexual frustration beside the stereo-typical angry woman that lingers on the tongues of thos ein society. The one thing to remember is that too much and too little of something is never a good thing.