One Woman’s Take on Masturbation & Marriage

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now and masturbation is an important part of our marriage.  It was not easy at first, because I used to think when my man did it,another woman was on his mind.  Seeing and hearing his meat flapping at night after we had sex made me feel inadequate.  After he came and I orgasmed, I thought things were done for the night.

Well, being much younger and not knowing, I took it as an insult and labeled him a jerk of the highest level.  I thought it was inconsiderate and selfish.  After making him feel bad and emasculating him for it verbally, I found myself in the worse of moods all of the time.  One night, I woke up as he was stroking hi enis and turned the light on one night and asked him about masturbating.  That was the moment things changed for us.

My usual routine was to put the pillow over my head to drown out the sounds of his moans and to make sure that none of jis sperm saturated the sheets.  However, on this particular night, I pulled up the hem f my night-gown, open my thighs and matched him stroke for stroke with my clit.

He took my hands from between my thighs and guided it over his manhood.  I noticed immediately that he was far more erct than he was inside me only hours earlier.  He wiggled his fingers deep inside me and I guided his hand into the right spot that sent fireworks through my body.  We laid beside each other until I was so wet and he was so hard that sex was the only cure.

From that moment forard, it has become and esential part fo our sexual ritual and one that extends the pleasure in the bedroom.


Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments

Thoughts on Don Sterling’s Alleged Comments
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have been rather reserved about my comments about Don Sterling (Clippers Owner). Yes, it was insensitive for him to make those alleged comments. However, I think it was equally wrong for his mistress to use public embarrassment to resolve a private matter. Let’s face it, had she not been going through legal issue with him and his wife, no one would have cared. It is understandable that he may have views and so do we when it comes to certain preferences even though we would like to assume that life is all politically correct.

However, in this instance, she exploited this opportunity along with African-American sentiments to get back at him more so than anything else about us. I am sure she has heard other things before this tape-recorded incident and chose not to go to the public about it. However, when things are not in a person;s favor, there is no telling how low a person will go to hurt another. Was she outraged when he bought her the Bentley, Ferrari and Range Rover? Probably not. It amazes me when minorities become rich (temporary wealth), they are not so impacted by the nature of beast of racism. It still exist in the hearts of some people, but not as it did when laws were in place to ensure the racial divide. I do not condone his remarks in any way, but just think about the people you despise each day and how you manage to tolerate them long enough to get your pay-check and cash it.

I am less offended about what he said, because he would say it whether public or private and he is under no moral obligation to anyone to modify his behavior. However, I am more offended by the mistress trying to create a call-to-action because things did not go her way. All of the African-American leaders condemned the man. Think about it for a moment, he is in his 80’s and respectfully what is she doing with him in the first-place? He is well past her senior, married, wealthy, and has her as his souvenir and fantasy. There is no doubt he has views about African-Americans and other minorities and even though we may not life them, many have died for the right for him to speak despite his 18th Century mindset.

This is a learning tool not just for minority females, but females in general, no matter how wealthy a man is, money will not change his sentiments and beliefs. She took a risk on playing a high-stakes game and in the end lost as the wife prepares to sue her. The most tragic element to this whole thing is that despite all of the comments and trashing, there will be people supporting the franchise. So in retrospect the price was very high for her to pay for the life of luxury, her personal dignity. The short-cut to wealth by sleeping with a guy for his bucks is what guys like Sterling look-out for and understand that the few coins that he shells out to her is marginal to what the wife gets in return.

At best this is a glorified form of prostitution that ended badly and the race-card is the only weapon she had left to fight-back with in the end. Even if he is racist, the man is 80 something years old and what power does he have over you? Nothing, the players can be traded to other teams or serve-out the terms of their contracts if so desired. Minorities to him may be a necessary evil from his perspective and therefore he exploits them for profit. However, one thing to keep in mind is that even though all of this comes out now, and African-American general manager by the name of Elgin Baylor worked for the Clippers for almost 30 years.

So before allowing this woman to have a nation serve her agenda, we need to be objective and look at the motivations for it. This is not a racially motivated situation, but one that exploits racism to hurt Don Sterling in his pocket and through his reputation. Again, in now way are his alleged remarks acceptable, but is also not acceptable for a grown woman to use a dispute to garner public favor either.

It should be noted that Elgin Baylor is suing Don Sterling for being terminated in 2009 based on age and racial discrimination.  As you can see despite the racial over-tones,an extramarital affair leads to this sort of racial tension.

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California


According to two 2009 Indiana University studies from participants that included national representative samples of American adult gay and straight men and women revealed that during sexual intercourse, vibrator use was a normal activity. The studies also revealed that about 53% of women and 45% of men between the ages of 18 to 60 used sexual devices to sustain or enhance their sexual activities in relationships.

Some other findings from the studies revealed that 1 in 4 of the participants had used a vibrator in the past month.  Also, 70% of the women admitted that they failed to have any adverse physical side-effects from the use of vibrators.  A minor number of complains were reported that expressed temporary skin irritation, genital numbness, and inflammation of genitalia.

Some men used the vibrator for testicular exams. One surprising finding was that men scored higher in regards to stimulation, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic functions, and sexual desires than women in some instances. Even though this is a small sampling maybe too small to set policies, laws etc., it can be said that sexual devices such as vibrators are not just for lonely women anymore. However, the use of vibrators by women remains a discreet issue that only some women care to admit publicly to members outside of their own gender.  As a foot note Japanese, South Korean, and Chinese women purchase more of these devices than any other population of females in the world.

Masturbation in the United States has been a controversial subject especially when it comes to religious considerations. Today the act is becoming more entrenched in the American culture as movies often reference the practice and recording artists go through    the motions on stage. The taboo nature of the practice still makes some people uncomfortable even though most people begin masturbating in their teen-age years at an estimated 72% according to some accounts.

Both men and women masturbate to discharge stored energy that may be attributed to stress or some other factor associated with hormones. The striking difference between the genders is that men may masturbate to a form of media where as a women may use her imagination more so to reach orgasm. However, it should be noted that according to the studies,  most women would prefer having sex with a real person even though a few preferred self stimulation only for sexual needs.

But there are problems with those women that become accustomed to being alone and masturbating. They have a tendency to create a habit or sexual expectation for the stimulation. This means that they may find themselves having sex with a male or female partner and fall short of orgasm without the stimulation of the device or their own masturbatory practice.

This has caused problems for certain women with their partners from the perspective of their lover failing to achieve the desired goal of making the female orgasm. The one major issue for women while masturbating is the envisioned fantasy that puts them in a place to fully enjoy the moment. Very few of them are like men that can look at a person’ s body and within seconds be finished with a sweaty sock.

Women have sex in layers like peeling an onion until reaching the core. For men sex is most often an act, for women it is most often a process. Some men are immediately intimidated when dating a woman and finding out that she has an array of pleasure toys. The size of the toys are commonly the most intimidating for some guys when comparing their appendages. Some perceive themselves as a gimp when it comes to pleasing a woman with a device. However, women that reveal to their men for the first time that they have toys run the risk of running them off or making them ready to work with her. For this reason most women keep this situation a secret until later, meaning instead of getting rid of the device they place them in storage just in case the guy is lousy in bed. There is a vast array of these devices on the market  and prices continue to rise as demand increases.

Women have parties that display the newest and latest devices in efforts to rekindle relationships with husbands and boyfriends, or finding the best device to complete the job. No matter what gender, masturbation is a lonely act that is more self-serving than anything else because the person doing it knows the spot, angle, and speed to satisfy his or her desire. Some people are diametrically opposed to the use of devices not necessarily on moral grounds, but on the premise of self-esteem. The objective mind may be repulsed by an object without feeling or emotion being allowed into places that warrant warm flesh. This is a valid argument, but as women age and find it harder to have sexual desires met with a model with six-pack abs, playing it safe in the comfort of one’s domain eliminates the threats of sexually transmitted disease, the potential for becoming pregnant while fulfilling sexual needs until the right man or woman arrives.

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The Naked Frustrated Woman

The Naked Frustrated Woman
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

The naked frustrated woman (NFW) is that female who wants to have sex, but has not found a desirable or worthy mate. She is self-respecting and unwilling to compromise and therefore she finds herself sexually flustered and lonely. It is no secret that many women who find themselves in this situation may opt to masturbation or going head-first in activities that both burn residual energy and relieve sexual tension if not deflecting it temporarily. The bottom-line is sexually stimulation remains a necessity in the human condition despite social measures to keep it out of the open forum. Women face this problem more often than men due to the very nature of their expected social behavior. However, some women are going beyond the traditional norms of depraving their desires or deflecting them through self-pleasure by using the same strategy as men are know for so regularly, Friends With Benefits. This is a form of intimacy that most women remain ashamed to openly admit.

The premise of the FWB arrangement is that there is a casual attachment with sexual intimacy at the core. These arrangements may work well on a short-term basis, but over a longer period complications can ensue. One of the main problems with these relationships has to do with remaining emotionally unattached from their sexual partner and enforcing ground-rules early on. One of the most common ground-rules have to do with dating or seeing others. Many times women will set the agenda to only have exclusive intimacy arrangements with that part in the hopes of having the same respect in turn. However, this is also a vulnerability because fatigue as in any relationship may cause one to wonder. Another aspect of these arrangements is that they have no true foundation or even a forward goal beyond sex. The implications are that these rendez-vous may only occur during certain times of the month or week or in some cases based on schedules.

Some women prefer this practice in order to control the behavior of the partner and access to themselves on an as-needed basis much like being on-call for a job. The tendency is to use this arrangement as a form of empowerment to dictate behavior and activity. The structure of these arrangements vary from living together to being in separate locations. Usually being separate is preferred. However, any situation involving human leads to the area of subjectivity. Simply put, the process of stacking becomes appealing which means retaining several of these relationships between others in different locations. Women who use this also view those scattered venues as potential get-aways. Now, it should be understood that men may do the same, however the distinct difference is that guys view it as an opportunity for sex at face-value. In essence the guy doesn’t necessarily have to like or love the woman, but treat her as tension-relief. And of course some women do this, but most would have to like and trust the guy much more than the reverse.

If left unchecked, the woman may fall into the trap of using the men and quickly get in way over her head if she gives the slightest implication of a potential long-term relationship. When feelings get involved in these relationships beyond the physical aspects hearts can be easily broken. Also, guys in these situations may find themselves as the lover, boyfriend, or husband of last resort if those further up the food-chain reject her. This is one way women can wind-up using the word settling for a guy. This is one approach to a women fulfilling her needs.

The second is a bit more interesting in the sense that her intimate desires may be fulfilled temporarily or permanently with another woman. Relationships of this nature are becoming very popular in that both parties may not be lesbians, but bi-curious or just straight women seeking pleasure without strings attached. In this case intimacy trumps lust and serves as an alternative until a desirable man is acquired. Again, however the difficulty remains in not getting too serious with the other party emotionally. In both of these practices the woman may act on a resident need, but not a long-term satisfying situation. Other complications may occur of the female partner is a lesbian and is lead to beleive that a tangible relationship may materialize.

Another approach is that f the truly sexually frustrated female that chooses to wait until she finds the right guy. She may not have the desire to self-stimulate, be with another woman or man, but instead hold-out until the right person comes along. Women using this practice are commonly very productive at work and may find varied interest to take up their time. They spend much time suppressing their sexual needs in some cases as those that try to fulfil them. It is also not uncommon for these women to make a nice living for themselves independent of anyone else. However, some of the consideration that they must contend with are loneliness (as a given) and fostering a more centric perception of their own desires. The results are most evident in personal ads and online dating profiles where women may have a laundry-list of requirements before dating. In short, these women build walls around themselves with the expectation that Mr. Right will break them down to get to his Queen. That scenario may work in stories and screenplays for television, but the common results could result in being alone at age 40 or so with very little experience with intimacy. One of the side-effects from this lack of intimacy is the potential failure of satisfying a partner sexually. Yes, people brag about their skills in the bed-room, but one must consider that is solely from their perspective and not their partner’s. This potential lack of fulfilment for a partner could lead to infidelity if she cannot satify him or her.

There are also women who may do the polar opposite and sleep with many men or women to feed the beast. The motivations vary from harboring anger from past relationships that have gone wrong to just having sex as a weakness and all other points in between. Guys rarely take these women seriously for relationships based on the potential of running into one or several other guys or women that have slept with them. Get gratified now and worry about a serious relationship later is their approach.

In conclusion these are just four of the main approaches women use when it come sto dealing with sexual frustration beside the stereo-typical angry woman that lingers on the tongues of thos ein society. The one thing to remember is that too much and too little of something is never a good thing.

The Motivations for Male Infidelity

The Motivations for Male Infidelity
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

Woman are usually the first party to get serious about a relationship when it comes to mapping out a feasible plan for the relationship to develop and grow. In many instances they fail to realize that one of the primary functions for them in a relationship is to set the pace. However, those that are either too fast or too slow usually wind up alone. One of the main reasons for this situation is the lack of understanding, power, and responsibility bestowed upon them. Let’s look at some practical examples such as the initial stages of the relationship. The first is the physical appeal and the social imbalance associated with it. If a woman classifies a guy as ugly for instance she would have to rely upon the integrity of her character to look beyond the scope of the obvious. Therefore, his personality, charm, wit, and character would carry heavier weight.

Men are polar opposites in this sense being that they are more visually motivated and a woman in a short-skirt, revealing a little skin will create an attraction despite the other features. Now, this is not to say that the attention sought or gathered by this lowest denominator method is the best practice. The fact is that more than likely it works. A man is more willing to make exceptions on facial features for physical attributes. However, in some instances, women may use the same approach especially when older because the muscles may have more appeal than the intellect and or facial disposition. In any case there remains the primal appeal between sexes.

Women that are not aware of the power they have will most often find themselves emotionally heart-broken because a guy likes a challenge of sorts. Remember the competitive male? He is also competitive when it comes to seeking that special woman. The problem arises when the woman does two things that creates a motivation for a man to consider infidelity. Unlike the common stereo-type of just getting another woman for the physical treats, he also needs someone who he can talk to in an appropriate manner. In short, the Second Mommy Syndrome (SMS) when the relationship digresses into a bastardized Mother Son relationship where she becomes a micro-manager. This is one of the most aggravating complains men have with women nagging. The reason for this is because the guy competes at work and is criticized and placed in a subjective position to please the boss etc. Even though women are placed under the same pressures, it is the social expectation of men to endure the issues more so than women. However, it should be noted that women catch their fair share of hell at work, but the burden of being the provider is not assumed as in the case of the male.

When the male partner in a relationship comes home and has to engage in extensive dialogue with a partner that escalates it is comparable to the work environment. The male then perceives coming home like going to a second job with a second boss. For this reason they may choose to take the long way home from work not only to decompress from the job, but to also prepare for the escalation at home. Women may notice their husbands coming home and remaining relatively silent or removed. This is called with-drawing and therefore he feels as though he is not being heard. “Sounds familiar ladies?” The next step is usually avoidance before taking on the disposition that he is stuck in a relationship much like having the room-mate from hell. In many instances he would never say it to his partner, but instead ay find comfort in telling s a stripper or another woman.

One note about guys who cheat to remember is that they have been in a relationship for quite some time, they usually, but not always find a younger version of their partner physically. Men like routines and being that the person they initially started with had all of the physical features, they seek differences in personalities and situations much like a distilled version of their partner. It is not surprising that many of these men will not actually sleep with the other women, but talk about things or engage in activities that have little to do with sex.

The work-place may be a breeding ground for this sort of situation to take place because they are familiar with the people and already have a rapport to discuss some personal matter. This is just a part of human engineering. The relationships develop when two people in similar situations can relate to each other. At some point the other woman becomes a passive ally. The elements that contribute to this sort of distancing for the male is when he becomes marginalized by his partner in front of others. Men rarely humiliate their unless he is a jerk or caught her cheating out of anger. How many times have you heard women say to a neighbor or friend “He is _____” fill in the blank.

The other woman will always out-listen the female partner and this fives her the distinct advantage in that she is aware of the weaknesses and flaws and can take full advantage of the gap in the relationship. Many people would like to blame a tangible person for the problems, but it comes down to a gross lack of communication and respect instead of the other woman.

The second motivation that fosters make infidelity is his own battle in respect to an identity crisis and this is something that both men and women deal with regularly. The perceived wasting of time causes this situation. How many times have you heard people who cheat say they were bored? This has more to do with viewing the relationship as complacent and uneventful. Again, blame is usually cast toward the partner, but in fact both parties gave neglected the needs of each other. Work, children, school, etc. are just place-holders to cover larger issues.

The distinction between infidelity between men and women are stark because women use a bit more planning and strategy in their plans, men on the other-hand go into these situations knowing that they will get caught at some point and therefore the infidelity is the soft-option out of the relationship. Women are more intuitive and may exercise far more caution in their practice of infidelity such as meeting someone totally unrelated to their environment. Men on the other-hand prefer routine in most cases and just want comfort. A woman usually plans for the demise of a relationship when she has decided to cheat. In short, she most often does not care about the relationship because she has terminated it emotionally. Men will attempt to burn both ends of the candle until caught.

Neglect. Marginalization, and Seeking an identity are the common motivations for men which includes not being over-mothered, unacknowledged, and perceiving that he cannot get the kind of women he used to in the past. Blame and drama are only symptoms, the problem remains ole fashion communications or a lack there of in a sense.

Help…I’m in too deep…

Help…I’m in too deep… – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

Cool site Got a problem. I’m a white guy in my early twenties from a very affluent family in the Southwest. Met this black girl in college and we dated on campus until my senior year in 11. I had to break it off because I was one year ahead of her because of the distance. She transferred to a school near my hometownand showed up at my doorstep. I’m not racist, but my folks are a totally different story. They were’nt mean to her, but the tension was there and they did not like it one bit that she was in our house.

Well I am moving into my place in March but my parents made it crystal clear that they do not want me around minorities. My dilemma is I need start-up cash from my Dad for my business and there are some serious string attached. Unfortunately, she did not get the message when I told her that day that we are a no go.

She is a smart, attractive, and cute girl, but I only wanted her for the sex and nothing more. Before I left school she hit me with the “I’m pregnant thing” but never saw her produce a baby or any record of an abortion. In my opinion, she had a taste of the good life with the money I spent on her and I got sex so it seems to be an even trade.

Anyhow, I can’t let this girl fuck up my future and she is damn sure not getting any more of my money. What is the best way to get my mesage across to her to keep her from calling me and showing up at my folks house trying to fit in? Your help is most appreciated.


The Great Southwest

My best male friend made a move on me now what should I do?

My best male friend made a move on me now what should I do? – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

My name is Sharon and I have been friends with a guy for almost 6 years now and lastnight while stopping by my apartment he slipped his hand under my skirt. It was really an awkward moment and we both knew it wasn’t right. I never thought that he would do something like this to me,

Jennifer H.

Portland, OR, USA

Is role-playing healthy in a relationship?

Is role-playing healthy in a relationship? – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

You have an interesting insight on relationships, so I thought it proper to ask you this question because my husband and I are an interracial couple both in our mid-thirties [he’s Caucasian and I’m African-American]. We belong to this private club that has retreats in several Southern states. We re-enact roles from the Civil War.

A few days ago my husband told me of another private club where black wives and girlfriends can be exchanged for sexual favors and role-playing as slaves. I wasn’t shocked by this because some of our role-play with other like-minded couples involved renting places and having marc-auctions and the like. In the beginning I felt degraded, but now I have found comfort in it. I wrote this question because my husband told me that he is bringing in another wench for breeding and she will be co-habitating with us.

I want my normal marriage back again without all of this stuff.


Columbia, SC, USA

What should I do with these feelings?

What should I do with these feelings? – Jausan’s Questions & Answers.

Hi Jausan, got your link from Romance Refere and had to ask this question.I have been a straight woman for a large portion of my life, however; since my divorce five years ago my time has been spent with my bestfriend since high school. She is still married, the traditional All American Mom, Sunday School Teacher, you name it. Anyway, she came over to my house during the Christmas Holidays to brin gifts. At best, I thought it was going to be a regular Christmas Eve gathering. She literally spent the night only to bring gifts and her children to my home. She confessed that her husband had been cheat on her for the last several years with one of her former co-workers.

I though it was a cool situation being that I had no children or family close by because all of my folks are in Maine and there is a family rift that is a total nother story. Anyway, she came over Christmas Eve and did not leave until yesterday. At first I made every excuse to cut the visit short, but on Christmas Eve while chatting on my sofa, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I must admit that it felt strange because I had never thought about homosexuality beyond knowing a neighbor lady back in Maine that was that way.

I was shocked, appauled, and aroused at the same time. At age 47 I felt like I didn’t know crap. By the time she left my place yesterday we had made love. I never in my life questioned my sexuality and never though of being with another woman, but I can truly say that the exerience was far better than with my ex-husband.

Sorry for such a long backstory, but my question to you is ‘Should I pursue a relationship at this point or just ignore this incident?’ My ex had some very negative views on homosexuals and minorities and this is why he is my ex. Waiting for your reply.


K. Ellen

San Diego, California, USA