Women and Marriage in 2012

Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Jausan
“Women and Marriage
Editor-in-Chief
Romance Referee ™
Santa Clarita, CA, USA

There are a persistent number of women that actually have no intention to marry unlike in the past.  In many ways some women view marriage as a burden of sorts.  The perception is that not only would another person in their lives is a liability, but also view the reality of being single has more to do with personal independence than anything else.  Decades ago when this trend was popular in the 1980’s among men, the perception was that men were being selfish.  This trend at the time bucked the tradition of men seeking wives.  Now, during the 1990’s the trend was slightly reversed and this could be attributed to the state of he economy at the time.

However,since The Great Recession of 2008 the trend had declined in 2010 according to the United States Census about 50.7%of American men and women are married either with spouse present or absent.  Even though the current number of married couples out-number those unmarried means that the popularity of marriage is in decline.  There are no solid numbers to comprehend the number of couples that actually divorced or separated due to the crisis.  Quantitatively, there are implications that the popularity remaining single among women is becoming more of a reality.

In some ways this may be the first generation of American women that have grown out of the fantasy that has been perpetuated throughout the decades.  There are some reasons for this change because more women are independent and due to the economic shift many women are bread-winners.  Also, there are a large number of women that are continuing to college and vocational schools to make more money which continues to discourage them from marry a man solely due to economic gain.  In some circles women would not consider marriage to anyone unless their partner is a millionaire.  Even though that is an extreme measure, the needy financial woman is gradually becoming a thing of the past.

Another result of this trend is the casual nature of sexual relations in that men are taking on a more functional role much like men used to do with women by objectification.  “What does this mean?” This will means a totally different family structure and slower population growth within the nuclear family.  In fact, as these states wrestle with same-sex marriage legislation, those men and women that use to sustain artificial heterosexual relationships will no longer play a role that impacts the lives of others along with their own.

African-American women is one group hit the hardest with a bubble of single women that have never been married in places like Atlanta, Detroit, New York, and Los Angeles where many of them between their late twenties through their mid-forties.  Some are of course following a new trend of dating Caucasian men, however according to many of the informal dating statistics the marital-rate remains considerably lower compared to the marital activity of African-American men with Caucasian women.  The reality according to the data from the Census is that there are 600,000 more single African-American women than men in population with at least a bachelor degrees.  And there are one million more women within that group actively in the work-force compared to men.  This difference is significant because out of all of the groups in the population African-Americans have this imbalance and had it before in 1980.  The economic implications are that when a recession occurs as it did in 1980 and 2008, African-American men are seriously impacted by job displacement that not only hits them economically, but also make them far more less desirable to African-American females.

It should be also observed that Caucasians, Asians, and Hispanics (Latinos) are not experiencing similar trends as with African-Americans. There are still women in the dating pipe-line who are bound to traditions that means men must be the bread-winner along with high standards.  The problem is that as these women age many of them have the perception that they have the same romantic value as they did when they were younger.  In a broad context, they are gravely mistaken when it comes to assessing their romantic value while retaining higher standards for a mate than they themselves can deliver.  This is much like the fat woman who expects to land a guy with ripped abs.  The problem in these instances is that their personal self-worth is projected on others and they falsely fall under the impression that the same value is perceived and accepted by the other party.

The growing trend now is to expand on freedom and independence first and then look at feeding the emotional aspects in one’s life later while having objectified sex in the interim.  This modern single woman in her twenties is more of a realist and less of a fantasy-driven princess.  Even though there are some around, the growing number of women are growing up with resources and information to avoid being stuck in bad marriages. The unfortunate aspect is that the women who fail to do this may find themselves in under-performing relationships.  In essence, love can cure certain ills in a marriage, but the modern woman of today has more of a macro-view of the relationship and what it takes to sustain them.

Men like myself have used the argument in respect to the benefit of marriage.  The reality is that marriage is a liability for men in many cases in that they are responsible for paying a perpetual debt for the wife and children.  The advent of the two income household over the past 50 years has now culminated in generations of children understanding that struggling parents are not the ideal representation of living.  This is very obvious now as 98% of the United States population makes less than US$250,000.  Today many young men and women seek to pursue higher incomes independently.  The glamor from reality shows and the like may also play a small part in this desire for independence with many of the shows scrambling to find healthy relationships to represent show franchises.

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The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man.  I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post.  Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle.  The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.

I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal.  This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument.  The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women.  So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman.  In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women.  This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.

The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin.  This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group.  The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group.  It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.

The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her  father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact.  Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today.  In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups  based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.

The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group.  I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women.  Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love.  Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women.  There are far more women than men in the population.  However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income.  There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages.  These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.

So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap.  The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like.  What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder.  Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses),  and  even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken.  Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth.  The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.

Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point.  Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life.  There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.