How Black Men & Women Disconnect

So many of my girlfriends complain about black men and even more black men complain about the poor choices available among black women.  The truth is there has been too much sugar-coating when it comes to the facts about what is really keeping black men and women apart.

Ladies, one of the main reasons why black men may not be attracted to you is behavior.  Yes, when you go off in the customer service department in Walmart or have to get your point across it translates to masculine behavior.  Now, you may ask what does this have to do with anything?  In a man’s mind, he realizes that you are combative and therefore you are perceived as someone that may not be worth having a relationship with, but qualified to only have sex with.  I have heard this from so many black men about this one particular behavior.  And being loud, rude, and cursing is that stereotype that some men may like for entertainment and sex, but not to come home to every night.

Guys, one of the main things that ladie hate is infidelity and you know that a nice piece of ass is hard for some of you to pass-up.  The problem for most of black women is when a guy does not necessarily want a relationship, but would like friends with benefits and the booty-call.  Sadly, so many black women have been in so many dysfunctional relationships that having a piece of a man is the norm.  Yes, and some of us ladies get pissed when we see a brother with a white woman without understanding why,  As women, we are quick to make assumptions about guys based on the actions we see, but more on intuition.

Here is a scenario that Jausan pointed out that makes sense, so many black women may be the achievers in the household in respect to holding down a job and therefore when we look for a partner most often the educated types are already taken in some way form or another.  The guys left in the dating pool are mostly sub-standard with criminal records, baby mommas, drama, and all that goes with it.  So, a good percentage of us wind-up settling for a piece of a man that is not about anything in the hopes of rehabilitating him.  This rarely happens and it adds to the frustration that fuels the anger when we see a black man with a white woman or with someone of another ethnicity or gender.

Now, Ladies, we have to take on some of the blame, because the nerds we passed up in high school that took time to invest in themselves through education while we chose to go for the more trendy guys was the trade-off years later.  Where things go left for us is when we decide to have children with thee guys early in life and before it’s over another and another until we are socially devalued by more of the male population.  A guy that has invested in his future by taking on risks and educating himself is not selfish, he just wanted more out of life than you.  By the same token, there are women out there that do the same and seek men that are in the same category.

The reason why you see so many successful black men with women of other ethnicities  is because they both have common goals that stretch beyond the bedroom and the present.One thing that black women and black men have in common when dating interracially is that to some capacity they have had enough of what their own ethnic group has to offer.   The old traditions of set-asides or affirmative action dating where a black man or woman is entitled to be with the best within their ethnic group is a thing of the past.  The trend for many African-Americans is to actually get rid of the black stigma or social burden associated with being black.  We would like to call it self-hate, but it cannot be called that because they are actually doing this because they love themselves and not the group as a whole.

I have dated my share of successful and not so successful black men and from my experience, one things rings true, we were limited in many capacities when it came to financial growth and maximizing our quality of life.  I found very few black men making six-figures like myself and discovered that if I were able to find a partner that made what I made with the same goals and values, we could go a long way.  Fortunately, I found him and we arre happy.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Women:


  1. Guys with no job.
  2. Guys with no car.
  3. Guys with multiple kids.
  4. Guys with criminal records.
  5. Guys with bad credit.
  6. Guys with multiple women.
  7. Guys without goals.
  8. Guys with abusive backgrounds.
  9. Guys that are still hustlers past age 25.
  10. Guys that are either too weak or too dominant.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Men.

  1. Ladie with too many male friends.
  2. Ladies with too many children.
  3. Ladies with bad credit.
  4. Ladies that have no ambitions or goals.
  5. Ladies that are selfish.
  6. Ladies that have a sense of entitlement.
  7. Ladies that use the vagina as a weapon in the relationship.
  8. Ladies that are loud and constantly seeking attention.
  9. Ladies with too many accessories (weaves, tattoos, etc.)
  10. Ladies that cannot use proper grammar.

As you can see from the focus-groups, there are some similarities and differences among the genders within the same racial group.  However, these men and women would like to find happiness, but these are some of the elements keeping them apart.

In any case, Ladies it is not based on the physical characteristics as much as it is based on lifestyle and behavior.  Guys, the same rules apply to you when it comes to behavior and personal responsibility.