Over-exposed & Trying to Date

You may read many articles about those shy people afraid of being on the dating scene, but rarely do you hear about people being over-exposed.  Yes, over-exposure is a serious problem for many people seeking that special person.  More specifically, over-exposure comes about when a person tries too hard to find love through too many avenues i.e. (venues).

You see this when you meet someone on the Internet and find they are signed with every dating service known to man-kind including social media outlets.  However, the sad truth is that some of these people actually make it a perpetual life-style choice to remain on the dating scene without any intention of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right.  I know many of them that began back in the 1980’s and are still out there for some reason decades later without a break.

For some it is a choice because they may be deficient in the attention department and the singles scene allows them the platform to remain in the thick of excitement.  The worst thing that could happen from their perspective is to fall in love and or have a relationship because they view it as a liability.  In some ways they are like the entertainers that were popular once before and attempt to remain relevant throughout their lives.  Simply put, these are the people that do not know when to sit-down.

There is a thrill or rush for some people to meet someone new every week-end; however over-exposure has a cost.  And that cost is being taken for granted by potentially eligible partners.  You make know of someone who is a chronic complainer about not finding the right person even though they are on a date every other night and have their profiles plastered on every singles venue.  Statistically, people remain on the dating scene for no longer than 60 to 90 days.  However, there are those that have been out there for years.  And one bad thing about being on so many sites is the saturation factor.  In essence, the person eventually goes through the extended singles gene-pool.

There are a finite number of people you can meet through any social gathering or Internet venue so, the probability is that these individuals may run into someone that they have dated or slept with at some point.  Once gossip and rumors begin, they are hard to stop.  One raw realism from this situation is that they more often than not become sex objects or booty-calls.  If they sink to this level the beauty and attitude they once used is now replaced with pitiful desperate acts to keep them relevant.

For this reason there is a demand for Cougars by many younger men due to experience, and fewer inhibitions.  This is the demand for the green and blue-veined women to slip on a mini-skirt sans undergarments and hang out with people 10 years or more their junior.  However, it should be understood that many cougars are discreet and may be more visible online than on singles scenes.

The one take-away here is that being over-exposed can result in being exploited and taken for granted when you begin to blend in with the environment too well.

 

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NeNe Says Bravo Editing Is Ruining Her Reputation And Feud With Marlo Has Nothing To Do With Kenya

NeNe Says Bravo Editing Is Ruining Her Reputation And Feud With Marlo Has Nothing To Do With Kenya
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
Santa Clarita, California
original story by Bossip.com | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
 

This is the reason why I wrote the article “Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television” because you have no control in respect to the representation of yourself. However, in this case NeNe drank the Hollywood Cool-Aid in the sense that she had arrived while in more realistic terms she got a foot in the door, but was not fully invited into the room by the power-brokers.  Unfortunately, she began to distance herself from the cast a bit too soon bragging at times about her success; but unless there is a stream of projects lined up to establish a viable career, she falls into the same category that many others before her, past and forgotten.

In this situation a sense of graduating beyond the realm of reality television got the best of her and in many ways exposed a side of her personality that existed but came to form for the first time to viewers and others.  NeNe is not a bad person in this instance by no means, but the business in Hollywood is that first and people in front of the camera are used specifically to make money.  Even though viewers may like the personalities etc, the studios view a franchise or actor that is not bringing in the rating much like an unemployed room-mate that it has to cover each month for the rent.

The Real Housewives franchise and other reality shows are like any business that involves low over-head and higher profits.  And in the case of these shows a person’s life become the commodity to draw the public interest to a point of profit and reputation, misrepresentation, and other mishaps are part of the game.  The loss of compassion for may of these people is rooted in the fact that they agreed to the terms of being on the show.  Even though these shows may only represent a small portion of a person’s life in edited form, opinions abound and perceptions are left unchanged.  Blaming the institution that allowed you the opportunity to advance rings hollow when you enjoyed the benefit of doing things that some who aspire but fall short.

The over-all perception of reality shows is that the reality is a portion of your life being exploited in exchange for cash and a bit of fame.  Now, think of those people who are in the public-eye that remain private and have careers that place them in front of the camera without exposing the intricacies of their lives.  Again, I say reality shows are not good for relationships because there are too many pressures from fans and producers that want more controversy, drama, and hardship for the ratings.  The American viewing audiences love to see an accident out of curiosity and thanks it was not them involved, but would never appreciate being in one.

 

 

Bossip

C’mon now, NeNe has done plenty on her own to ruin her reputation.

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The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man.  I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post.  Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle.  The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.

I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal.  This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument.  The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women.  So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman.  In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women.  This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.

The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin.  This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group.  The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group.  It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.

The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her  father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact.  Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today.  In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups  based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.

The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group.  I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women.  Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love.  Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women.  There are far more women than men in the population.  However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income.  There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages.  These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.

So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap.  The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like.  What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder.  Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses),  and  even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken.  Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth.  The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.

Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point.  Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life.  There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.