Putting the Brakes on a Relationship

“Have you ever been in a relationship and all of a sudden you notice that your partner has already left emotionally?” Most often this occurs over a period of time when the other partner fails to mention how she or he is really feeling. The object is to use times as a qualifier for the reason to eliminate the person from the relationship. In other words they have unilaterally decided to end the relationship and move on. The fact is that they were most commonly expecting the “messiah’s revelation”. This is a condition that leaves people under the dispositions that they will only get into a relationship that leaves him or her at an advantage. There is not a clear commitment, but a conditional one that will only suit their best interest. In short, they no plans for anything long-term, but instead use intimacy and sex as the premise. One thing that people must understand is that with these types of individuals up-front is that excuses and legitimate concerns are irrelevant to them. Their own concerns prevail over all others. In fact, these people are known to intentionally create a dependency of sorts for the individual to place them in a lower social and economic situation than when they first were upon meeting. You are immediately devalued and they chalk your relationship up to a waste of time, despite the hype.  In essence no matter how hard things are made for you, it immediately becomes “your situation” and everything is do or say becomes repulsive as if you are tainted in some way.  However, if and when things do turn around for you then you will regain their attention and respect.  “Is it really worth it then?” No, because you will immediately understand that these people are like 99.8% of people you can just find on any metropolitan street only seeking out opportunities for themselves.  This objective look allows you to understand that you really did not have a relationship, but an arrangement of sorts.

The worst thing that you could do in such a situation is to attempt to accommodate them because they view you as a liability or holding up their lives and the resentment runs deep.  In fact so deep that they will never have anything to do with you again until after you get your life together as they see it.  Yes, the potential thing has worn off and the optimism is out the door and usually, this falls in line with the elements for them to become repulsed by you.  Sex is usually over and done with in order to expedite the process of ending the relationship.  In short, you become a total stranger once again.  As mentioned in earlier articles, the more you attempt to fight for the relationship, the farther they will distance themselves. And as usual with lazy human behavior they may opt to just use you for sex and money without the respect and instead expect you to do these things in order to remain a remote associate.

The sad truth is even if you were struggling with issues and made earnest efforts to resolve them, they may still put you under scrutiny and at some point throw t in your face.  They see this as a chronic mistake that is more than likely to happen.  One common approach is to immediately get into another relationship as a buffer to assist in the distancing themselves.  There is always a reason for you or the partner to put the brakes on a relationship and until they are satisfied to continued.  Also, these breaks may be temporary or permanent.  Now, these breakups can range from fatigue in the relationship from dealing with issues to actually wanting to just be with some else intimately without interruption.  The latter of the two aforementioned conditions is a lame excuse to cheat.  The best practice is to treat a break in a relationship as if it over because these situations are rarely the same or better when they rekindle because both parties actually know the breaking point of the relationship and that in itself is a weakness.

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Blatant Disrespect in Relationships

It is 3:20am and your partner receives a cell-phone call, he or she doesn’t answer it, but takes the phone into the other room. The bathroom is the most favored location of choice. This is the beginning of the end of your relationship to put it bluntly. The fact of the matter is that the relationship has lost a partner to someone who seeks something else or someone else. The bottom-line is that it is not your fault even though he or she will use the lame excuses of being boring or not progressing in life fast enough. The truth is they seek someone to not only fill the perceived void they have with you, but to also have someone else to tug a larger load in the relationship. Most often is a woman is doing this it has more to do with dealing with a man of better financial means. Guys are usually seeking women who have more to offer than a vagina and complaints 9r someone to express themselves to without arguments that can be objectives. In short, it represents a failure of judgment on their part when it comes to selecting a suitable partner.

The next thing to happen is devaluation when your partner finds more faults in you than good and then underscores your relationship as a friendship. This is where they are trying to detach themselves in a logical way so that they can end the relationship. Respect for you has diminished and therefore you are nothing more than shell of a man or woman to them. The “I Love You’s” stop and things become very cordial and a bit more formal. The goal for him or her is to eventually move on to perceived bigger and better things. The one thing to keep in mind is that they gave made a decision to end the relationship for you and therefore with that said, you also have no room or time in the remainder of your life for them to ever re-enter as friend or lover. Think about it, “Why would you be friends with someone who hurt you in the first place?” Like he or she traded you in for a better lover, do the same for them as a complete person (lover & friend). No one on this Earth is worth going to jail for or crying over that hurt you. Instead of shed blood or tears, shed that sorry relationship. It hurts, but in order to heal quicker, it is best to become independent and move on with your life.

Statistically, there is a 70% chance that a person who has broken up with you would like to return at some point. The reality is that even though they have made a decision of ridding themselves of you emotionally, they usually think that they can come back at-will if things fail. Do not waste your time and move on, especially if they have a history of relationships in which they were hurt or hurt others because that is all they know is hurt and could never sustain a healthy relationship even if their lives depended on it. One thing to understand with these perpetual romantic wanders is that they will always think of themselves as being able to do better. Despite the harshness of it all, people are nothing more than opportunities for advancement and not breathing and living, people.

The one thing to keep in mind is that more than likely the person they are leaving you for will also be a victim of the same right. You commonly find these types that want to remain perpetually single, dating regularly, and undergoing the circular firing-squad of being hurt or hurting others. The truth is that no one is responsible for your happiness and prosperity and therefore thinking someone will solve the issues they have cannot change that situation. Th bad decisions they have made in the past are all based on their judgment, their voluntary choices, and their failure to acknowledge their own personal flaws. In closing there is one more element to keep in mind, these individuals are under the impression that they are indeed what the other person seeks in a relationship. What they may think may not be so and just may be an opportunity as they once saw you.

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Knowing When It Is Over

Knowing When It Is Over
Romantic Truth ®
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

You are in a relationship and for some unknown reason you go to hug your partner and he or she pulls away. Soon-after, the sex stops and your partner is preoccupied with other things such as the computer, hanging out with friends or just going away without telling you as a courtesy. These are usually the first steps to a break-up. In many cases this exercise is done to create distance and do away with emotional attachment. Later the alienation escalates to the point of distinguishing items that are yours and theirs that were once shared by the two of you.  If you think about it, this in itself is a selfish move and yes, it gets worse when he or she fails to call or even come home.

These are all symptoms of a dying relationship and of course you may want to talk to him or her and maybe they will agree with you doing most of the talking.  By this point the partner has shut-down and may be at the point of either moving out or asking you to do so.  Usually, this distance is a measure of self-preservation that only leads to their fulfillment.  In many ways the silence is worse than any word that could be uttered.  The next phase is the change in attitude and the use of the word “friend” to redefine your role in their lives.  Once this occurs you have been demoted from the relationship to an outsider.   Think of friend as a term used for someone they have never slept with or dated.

By placing you at this distance, they have dehumanized you to a point of making an objective decision.  The premise for such behavior has a lot to do with the perception of missing-out on someone perceived to be better than you.  However, the one thing that people may fail to understand is that other people have tolerances like them.  For this reason people like myself have a no return and no exchange policy.  Think of how many people you have slept with and today they classify you as friend.  The larger question is that “Are those friends that he or she introduced you to during the relationship bed-buddies also?”  For this reason, people are very suspicious about dating others with a lot of friends of the opposite sex.  Guys automatically demote women from prospective wife status when they meet her if she only has male friends.  The rationale behind this is that the guys have either slept with her or would like to sleep with her and are hanging around for their chance.

What is at play in these situations is that the person is seizing “power” and therefore attempting to put the other party into a submissive position where he or she will tolerate terms that they construct to sustain the relationship.  In some cases it may involve a man telling his woman that another woman in the bedroom is a requirement or a woman telling  guy that she wants an open relationship without questions.  In any case a person can be used and abused if they comply and there is no leverage to sustain the relationship at the level before.

Social media is usually the culprit for these snap decisions, but not solely to blame in that by communicating online, he or she can place your relationship back where it was before they dated you.  A clean slate without the emotional attachment and the ability to seek-out the person that you are not.  Yes, the distancing is personal and not based on anything else.   You can wear lingerie, show up naked, do every sex act known to humanity and it still would not matter.  By this time your partner sees you as an obstacle and breaking up with you or leaving you is the ultimate solution.  Therefore, it is best to discover early what is going on and save your emotional capital and leave with the understand that the whole situation is completely terminated.  And besides, friends usually outlast lovers and what would you want a past lover as a friend because if he or she was going to be that in your life, you would have established that well before becoming intimate.