How Black Men & Women Disconnect

So many of my girlfriends complain about black men and even more black men complain about the poor choices available among black women.  The truth is there has been too much sugar-coating when it comes to the facts about what is really keeping black men and women apart.

Ladies, one of the main reasons why black men may not be attracted to you is behavior.  Yes, when you go off in the customer service department in Walmart or have to get your point across it translates to masculine behavior.  Now, you may ask what does this have to do with anything?  In a man’s mind, he realizes that you are combative and therefore you are perceived as someone that may not be worth having a relationship with, but qualified to only have sex with.  I have heard this from so many black men about this one particular behavior.  And being loud, rude, and cursing is that stereotype that some men may like for entertainment and sex, but not to come home to every night.

Guys, one of the main things that ladie hate is infidelity and you know that a nice piece of ass is hard for some of you to pass-up.  The problem for most of black women is when a guy does not necessarily want a relationship, but would like friends with benefits and the booty-call.  Sadly, so many black women have been in so many dysfunctional relationships that having a piece of a man is the norm.  Yes, and some of us ladies get pissed when we see a brother with a white woman without understanding why,  As women, we are quick to make assumptions about guys based on the actions we see, but more on intuition.

Here is a scenario that Jausan pointed out that makes sense, so many black women may be the achievers in the household in respect to holding down a job and therefore when we look for a partner most often the educated types are already taken in some way form or another.  The guys left in the dating pool are mostly sub-standard with criminal records, baby mommas, drama, and all that goes with it.  So, a good percentage of us wind-up settling for a piece of a man that is not about anything in the hopes of rehabilitating him.  This rarely happens and it adds to the frustration that fuels the anger when we see a black man with a white woman or with someone of another ethnicity or gender.

Now, Ladies, we have to take on some of the blame, because the nerds we passed up in high school that took time to invest in themselves through education while we chose to go for the more trendy guys was the trade-off years later.  Where things go left for us is when we decide to have children with thee guys early in life and before it’s over another and another until we are socially devalued by more of the male population.  A guy that has invested in his future by taking on risks and educating himself is not selfish, he just wanted more out of life than you.  By the same token, there are women out there that do the same and seek men that are in the same category.

The reason why you see so many successful black men with women of other ethnicities  is because they both have common goals that stretch beyond the bedroom and the present.One thing that black women and black men have in common when dating interracially is that to some capacity they have had enough of what their own ethnic group has to offer.   The old traditions of set-asides or affirmative action dating where a black man or woman is entitled to be with the best within their ethnic group is a thing of the past.  The trend for many African-Americans is to actually get rid of the black stigma or social burden associated with being black.  We would like to call it self-hate, but it cannot be called that because they are actually doing this because they love themselves and not the group as a whole.

I have dated my share of successful and not so successful black men and from my experience, one things rings true, we were limited in many capacities when it came to financial growth and maximizing our quality of life.  I found very few black men making six-figures like myself and discovered that if I were able to find a partner that made what I made with the same goals and values, we could go a long way.  Fortunately, I found him and we arre happy.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Women:


  1. Guys with no job.
  2. Guys with no car.
  3. Guys with multiple kids.
  4. Guys with criminal records.
  5. Guys with bad credit.
  6. Guys with multiple women.
  7. Guys without goals.
  8. Guys with abusive backgrounds.
  9. Guys that are still hustlers past age 25.
  10. Guys that are either too weak or too dominant.

Here are the most common deal-breakers for African-American Men.

  1. Ladie with too many male friends.
  2. Ladies with too many children.
  3. Ladies with bad credit.
  4. Ladies that have no ambitions or goals.
  5. Ladies that are selfish.
  6. Ladies that have a sense of entitlement.
  7. Ladies that use the vagina as a weapon in the relationship.
  8. Ladies that are loud and constantly seeking attention.
  9. Ladies with too many accessories (weaves, tattoos, etc.)
  10. Ladies that cannot use proper grammar.

As you can see from the focus-groups, there are some similarities and differences among the genders within the same racial group.  However, these men and women would like to find happiness, but these are some of the elements keeping them apart.

In any case, Ladies it is not based on the physical characteristics as much as it is based on lifestyle and behavior.  Guys, the same rules apply to you when it comes to behavior and personal responsibility.



The Entitled Woman

The most annoying thing for a guy to encounter while on the dating scene is wasting time with the “ENTITLED WOMAN”.  Unlike most other women, she believes all of the hype guys have told her in the past to get into her panties and for some special reason she feels as though every man should bow to her every command.  Guys, need to remember that she probably did not put the other guys that slept with her through the same hoops.  Most often, these women raise the bar for the next guy higher than the last in the sense of feeling as if this guy should do more for her.  Again, this is a pattern of behavior and most often they do not see anything wrong with this approach.  The sad truth is most of these women wind up with the same kind of guy at their feet, (someone they may not want).

One rule of thumb that has always worked for me has been to notice how much she brags about other men wanting her.  This is a red-flag, because it is more about her self-esteem than it is about you or any relationship.  Women with low self-esteem are one of the most difficult challenges for men in that insecurity usually follows in some way or form.  This is how the jerks of the world use these women to leave the good guys to measure up to their standards.  The jerks will lower their self-esteem to a point where they literally have to do nothing to retain the relationship by placing the burden on the woman.  These guys have no intention of staying the woman long-term, so they are treated like a rental car, (someone else’s responsibility).  The only option for many of these women is to impose the requirements for the next guy.

Most guys that have wasted time and resources on these type of women will pick-up on the flaw and move on in ways such as one-night-stands, one-date and never call, or ignoring her in general.  The problem is that this deficiency resonates like spoiled catfish.  Guys will especially pick-up on this with single mothers when they describe how irresponsible the father is as a father.  Guys should also think about how irresponsible she was in having a child with such a person.  The child was not the mistake, but a result of the poor judgment of both parties.  One thing that liberals in general have conditioned many Americans to believe to some extent is that perpetually bad choices should not become worthy of being judged.  You will hear people use the refrain, “Don’t judge me!”  They say this because they are trying to conceal a guilt for the choices they made.  In fact, they are not being judged for who they are, but for the decisions they made.  Therefore, you have to look at the macro-view of things, standards may be imposed , but you are under no obligation to comply with them,.  If she had a tough time in past relationships and the standards are specifically designed for the next guy, then it is a one-size fits all approach to fixing an internal issue.

Some of the characteristics of an Entitled Woman are as follows, asking to borrow money from you very early in the relationship, using the word ‘”Generous”, making plans for the two of you without consulting you and expecting you to be a man while leaveraging your manhood as the basis for her actions.  “You are the man!” is a common response from these women.  They may use terms such as “Cheap” in a way to give you the motivation to spend on the woman.  Guys should assess the worth of a woman up frot after meeting and dating her.  One good measure is to assess her like real estate with the following equations.

  1. The Home – Beauty
  2. Location – Mind-set
  3. Community – Friends
  4. Neighbors  – Family
  5. Value – Body, Mind-set, Language Skills, Culture, Education, Profession
  6. Market Value – How does she measure up to other single women in respect to personal responsibility, income-to-debt ratio, and potential growth.
  7. Depreciation – What is left after her shape goes away?  Is she someone worth more than her physical attributes?

These are the seven factors that a guy should consider before dating any woman.  The person should add value to the relationship and not just take from it.  So many times we see relationships where the guy spends a considerable amount of money to keep his woman happy.  In essence these guys are pay for play.  A woman that is truly worth the effort and risk will work with the guy to invest together into their future.  This means that, yes she will receive gifts and the like, but I would not be a burden for the guy for him to keep the relationship going based solely on him always spending money to please her.  This is one reason why professional men rarely respond to personal ads that have the term “Godess” or some other self-imposed title. 

The Entitled Woman may try to take the role that she had as the Princess in the home as a child and extend it into her adult life which in many aspects makes her less desirable among more mature and affluent men.  Yes, there are those older guys that love Sugar Babies and places like Monte Carlo are filled with women that outlived their beauty and usefulness.  Sadly, many of those Sugar Babies in the 1990’s are Cougars in present day.  Time is the enemy for women using this entitled approach in life, because as they age, the associative value depreciates.  And this is where the analogy of real estate comes into place.  Would a guy get a better return on investment with a younger woman that is entitled or and older woman that still thinks her value remain the same.  In short, it comes down to working together as a couple and if one party always demands special treatment and neglects the other, the relationship is not balanced.  I remember interviewing one couple and the husband had purchased a new Mercedes on his wife’s birthday, the husband’s Honda would not start one morning, and instead of the wife offering her automobile, she handed him money for the bus.  When I asked her why did she do this to man that bought her the new car not only for her birthday, but so she would not be stranded; she said, “He should have thought about himself first ad I do”

The Entitled Woman

The most annoying thing for a guy to encounter while on the dating scene is wasting time with the “ENTITLED WOMAN”.  Unlike most other women, she believes all of the hype guys have told her in the past to get into her panties and for some special reason she feels as though every man should bow to her every command.  Guys, need to remember that she probably did not put the other guys that slept…

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