Stealing Your Best friend’s Man

This is an article that people should pay attention to if you are female and unaware of what some women will do under the cover of friendship to steal your man. Guys should take note to understand this process. Ladies, “How many times have you had that one best-friend that you loved dearly, but had some aspects of her personality or character that you had to turn a blind-eye to when among your man or other peers?” The question looks like one that William Falkner would write.

Anyway, there are certain aspects of her personality that you admire and others that are not so appealing. You trusted this person until she tried to move on your man. Now, the question for many women is “How did she do that?” and “Why did she do this?” The answer is pretty simple. Most often than not you have given her the ammunition she needed to ruin your relationship. There are two ways this happens, one is an overt method and the other is the covert method. Yes, ladies if a woman or even your best-friend wants your man, she will try without exception.  The Overt Method is when you brag about how great your man is in bed or in the relationship in general.  The problem is that some women may view this as a challenge and therefore pursue it as a case of will.  What you disclose to these women openly is actively used against you to take your man.  Most women try to limit the interactions between their men and their female friends.  The obvious problem is that it smacks of insecurity and an astute single or committed female friend with wandering eyes may see this as insecurity and therefore knows where the vulnerabilities are in the relationship.  In essence she does not trust her female friends around her relationship.  However, most women are respectful and honor this protocol.  But those that think otherwise will use the information disclosed as a means to appeal to her best-friend’s partner without saying a word.

These women use the overt mistake of her best-friend’s bragging to allow the partner to come to her voluntarily so that she cannot be directly blamed for the act. The Overt Method is what we most commonly see on Jerry Springer when there is confrontation and drama.  This approach is more abrasive and is commonly used to humiliate her best-friend. Most often this comes from out of the blue with little explanation.  The difference in this method is that the female’s best-friend may openly pursue the partner using an all or nothing strategy.  This situation usually implies that the friendship was a Trojan Horse to get next to her relationship.  The common result of this practice is to openly point-out her best-friend’s weaknesses, failures, unmentioned embarrassing situations, and become more of an advocate for him to make her the adversary.  Now, it should be noted that this strategy is only used to destroy and nothing less than that.  This behavior can be expected in cases of perceived betrayal, being ignored, or over-looked for attention by the best-friend.  “Yes” women do this to avoid being lonely or without their best-friend.

Guys should be especially careful in this regard because in both methods it is essential for you to play a part for this scheme to actually work.  You may want to establish up front that your relationship is private and therefore the girlfriends do not need to know the specifics of it no matter how mad, sad, or glad she may become during the relationship.  When this is done and the woman abides by these terms, but breeches them gives the man the potential incentive to go forward with the best-friend’s agenda if provided through flirting etc.  However, a stand-up guy would leave the relationship if she insists on sharing, because it may eventually lead to one of her friends making a move.  This may be hard for many men to turn down in that she will probably have more information about what not to do to keep him.

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Dipping the Pen into Company Ink

You are single or married, on the job, working hard and minding your business when you notice straying eyes lingering your way from another co-worker.  At first you ignore it and then you glance sharply back at him or her.  To your surprise, you are being observed for your body, but meet eye-to-eye with that individual.  A bit uncomfortable you clear your throat.  At this point there are five primary options;
  1. Ask them what is wrong?
  2. Exchange the stare in mutual fashion,
  3. Tear-off to HR to file a sexual harassment grievance.
  4. Ignore it all together and continue working.
  5. Confront the person with “What are you looking at?”

These five options are the most readily applied to situations of this nature.  However, most companies have policies against inner-office relationships for good reason.  In any case, you should never take the lead on a romantic advance in the work-place despite how casual the environment may seem.  A company handbook can always apply to inappropriate behavior that could land you on the unemployment line.  Women are known to flirt with men in the work-place; however a wink and a smile is rarely reported as a romantic advance.  However, if a man does so it can easily apply and impact his career in a major way.  One rule-of-thumb for guys is to never respond to any advance from a woman in the work-place despite how casual she tries to come across.  The risk for a guy is that if it comes down to your word against hers, she will win in most cases by default based on social perception.

There are several tactics that some women may use such as hanging-out at your desk or cubicle a lot with  conversations totally unrelated to work.  I hate to say this guys, but you should view women at work as if they are men in the positions they hold and nothing more or less.  The reason for this approach is to avoid the perception of discrimination and or gender bias.  A man should always allow her to make the advances and never respond. I know this sounds crazy for a guy to ignore advances from a woman, but it can cost you a reputation, a job, and fines if you lose.  When I used to work in the corporate realm, I avoided assisting women with everything unless it involved not being around her when the task needed to be completed in respect to moving items or other  request that could cause accidental physical contact of any sort.  It seems rather extreme; however in one company there were 42 grievances filed by mostly female employees from a man having a perceived attitude against them to gender-based conspiracies.  I implemented a five-foot rule with women in the work place with a 100% no physical contract policy.

The problem for most guys is not knowing the level of sensitivity a particular woman has when it comes to the other gender because these dispositions do not stop at the employee entrance to the company.  The measures I instituted were rather extreme, but no one in the work-place came before my livelihood because there were more women I did not know outside the work-place that I could meet without the stress and overhead.  Now, as we know there are many men that do not know how to conduct themselves in the work-place and of course wind-up in serious trouble if reported.

Even though, I have mentioned some of the risks, there are those men and women who really do not care and will risk it in the hopes of being happy.  One of the most alluring factors is the time that the employees spend together conducting company business.  During the banter and conversations, you get a glimpse into their personality and preferences.  This is usually the beginning of the co-worker friendship.  However, as these friendships develop, it becomes like a game of chess where both parties move pieces of their personality and lives toward the middle of the board.  This mutual interest may lead to lunch, dinner, or cock-tails after hours.  If the situation escalates to this point, there are some issues must be considered before one step further.  Again, the best practice is to never have a relationship with someone within your organization.  Now back to human nature and the real world.  The employees must consider the following concerns:

  1. What is your marital status & that of your co-worker?
  2. If married, how would the two of you maneuver your schedules to interact and meet?
  3. Would the spouses know up-front or would excuses and lies do until the truth is revealed?
  4. What would be the plan if one or both of the spouses found out?
  5. How would an extra-marital affair impact your future income in respect to divorce or separation?
  6. What type of relationship would this become?  A short-term fling, long-term commitment, or a one-time thing?
  7. Would the relationship be covert or overt when it comes to the public including those in the company?
  8. What are the rules for behavior at work with this potential partner?
  9. How far will this relationship go? Kissing, fondling, petting, sexual, or straight-out love.
  10. Would the two of you have a big reveal at work at some point?
  11. Are you or your potential partner willing to leave the company and handle any disciplinary if discovered?
  12. Did you ask him or her has she ever done this before?
  13. What is the contingent pregnancy or STD plan?
  14. Is there an exit strategy if the risks becomes to high?
  15. Can you remain co-workers if things fail and remain cordial?
  16. Would you reveal compromising information about the co-worker if things fail to garner support?
  17. If there is a split and employee choose sides will you be responsible in doing your part to thwart any hard feelings?
  18. Do both of you have professional skills to get jobs in other companies?

These are just 18 of the preliminary questions that if asked to both parties about getting together a second thought would probably undergo consideration. But that is less likely to occur.  The attraction and chemistry becomes so strong at times that rational thought and fear goes out the window.  Instead, personal interest prevails which means love and or lust remains the challenge.

The first kiss between co-workers is the beginning because despite what most people openly admit to , there is a lingering curiosity about how someone in your work-place would look naked. This is only human nature, but when one acts or speaks on the curiosity is the point where things can become very nebulous. Even though, you may find true love or true lust in the work-place a best practice is to wait until one of you are no longer employed with the company to pursue things further.  As an adult it is best to again error on the side of caution.

Jesus is my man so I don’t need one…

Jesus is my man so I don’t need one…

Jesus is my man so I don’t need one… J A U S A N ® “a private online community since 1995” by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved Santa Clarita, California   The one thing that will ensure that a man will never become attracted to a woman is for her to say “Jesus is my man…” Now, before we begin a biblical exercise or some sort of philosophical argument, it should be clear that the intent of this…

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Qualifiers for Cheaters on the Dating Scene

There are two fundamental terms that singles must become familiar with prior to hitting the dating scene “I’m a little married” and “I’m married but looking”.  These two terms are qualifiers for those who are ready to cheat on their partner or spouse.  It is about 50/50 when it comes to the gender of the person that will use this pseudo-cute cliché’.  The single person needs to keep in mind that by using this qualifier he or she does not feel fully obligated to his or her spouse.  This means that there is a good possibility that the marriage serves a less important purpose for him or her.  On the other-hand, this also implies that if you are approached by someone using this qualifier, you are not a priority to them either when compared with their own self-interest.

As mentioned in my blogs and articles before, cheating is a selfish act and therefore the individual is more concerned about his or her welfare first and the others fall in line after the fact.  These individuals are usually trying to avoid domestic troubles at home from a lack in communications in the marriage or relationship and ready to leave with one foot outside the marriage and the other inside it as a mere place-holder.  Rarely do these individuals take meeting a single person on the dating scene seriously.  In fact, it is not uncommon for them to disclose their marital status up-front.  The rationale behind this is to establish that they are seeking satisfaction for the moment and reveal that they are married as a stop-gap measure to avoid any further pursuit of a relationship.  They may take it from flirtation to sexual encounters.  This has more to do with power than anything else.  Most often these individuals want to see if they still have what it takes to get an outsider to want them.  The benefit for him or her is to stroke the ego and to flaunt it in the face of a spouse or partner as leverage in the relationship.

There are some people that do this solely for the purpose of lifting low self-esteem through this form of attention. However, the primary uses of the two terms is to create an incentive for the individual to compete against the spouse or partner at that time for their attention and to feel important.

Catching Your Partner Cheating Online

When we think of cheating, the thought may often center around finding your partner or spouse in the act. In fact, most cheating and infidelity is conducte online. Yes, messenger services and mobile apps are the newest form of this practice. The primary reason for this is convenience and comfort. The distance and anonimity also helps in this endeavor. The premise for cheating is a lack of appreciation of the other party. It is also evident that the person being cheated on is devalued in some capacity. One common equivalency is the devaluation of men when they lose a job or women when they cannot birth a child for whatever reason. This level of devaluation is used when the other party is viewed as an obstacle to the growth of the other. In most cases these sentiments are more superficial than real in the sense that the grass seems greeener on the other side. The problem is that one of the parties have become too familiar with the situation and therefore seeks a change of sorts and not specifically with the person they are engage with in a relationship.

Boredom is the operative word and mobile devices are constantly used to convey these sentiments. It is not uncommon for a party to disclose all of the problems in the relationship with a total stranger that may not care to deal with the person or the problem outside of the sexual benefits. The more a person tells what is wrong with his or her relationship depicts what they are willing to tolerate. The natural response is to counter the behavior or sentiments of the person’s partner or spouse. The end result is the development of a new relationship with the other person knowing the weakness in his or her new prospect. The stranger or other party is the only beneficiary in this situation because he or she knows the weaknesses of the whole relationship. This is why players are so successful in ruining relationships and walking away scott-free. They have no emotional capital in the venture and only enter into them for their sole benefit and nothing more.

There are a lot of people that just prey off of these abnormalities in relationships, taking advantage of the situation for their own benefit. Most often they can care less about familial issues or the behavior of the partner and only see an opportunity for fresh-meat. You can go to any single site or log into a mobile app and discover a host of married and committed people seeking singles and others to vent frustrations while being entertained. The primary problem with this sort of situation for a person in a committed relationship is that he or she may have higher expectations of the other person than they have intended for them. One thing that is evident is the number of extra-marital affairs that never materialize beyond sexual activity. In short the third-party is fully aware that the same thing that he or she is doing now is more than likely a pattern of behavior regardless of the obligatory denials and assertions that “This is the first time…” Pros on the dating scene see through this smoke-screen because they are more experienced and active than a novice cheating on a partner on the down-low.

The motivation of the guy or girl on the other end of the message or mobile app is to paint a grand picture of a better life. The reality is that more often than nto it is an illusion because the difficulties associated with the new person has not been revealed. So, it becomes like starting over in a brand new realtionship. A true player of this game will mirror the sentiments of the prospect to the point of being the ideal person sought all of thier life. The goal is to be better than the current partner, but not too good as to get into a situation that he or she cannot quickly void. In short the mutual goal is happiness on a superficial level, but neither party would care to admit this truth.

One tactic that some use to catch their spouse or partner is to create a new account and go online with a totally false profile or having a friend to do so. Men use this tactic more so than women in the sense they use the Internet far more. However, there are clusters of women who also use this strategy. The main goal of an individual doing this is to see exactly how badly thya re disliked by their partner. As a person that chose to do this one in my past, the sentiments that was revealed about me was very difficult to endure throughout the three months long period of engaging dialogue. Finally, it came to one night that we were supposed to meet at a restaurant. She was shocked upon seeing me there and I politely handed her a very nice card that said “Good-bye”. Needless-to-say, denial was the first thing that she tried to use. I got into my car and never saw her again to this day. Messages were left about me being deceitful, but I countered with the covert actions she took as mutually offensive.

Even though I thought it was very childish, I learned quickly that life had more to offer than one individual in one city. Intutition is usually right and igoring it only assists in the dance of mis-steps in relationships. From what I gathered from the instant messages, she hated me more than Hitler because in her words, “I was too nice.” Interestingly enough, she married and after several trips to the hospital courtesy of her new bad boy, she emailed me forto arrange lunch. Going against my better judgment, I chos eto meet and the first thing that entered my mind was “What the hell was going on with me?” I could finally look at the situation objetively and understood that she was not worth the aforementioned efforts in the first place. From that moment on, I decided to leave upon the first red flag of infidelity.

Some people like myself value their time over emotional conflict. Now, getting back to you, the best way to avoid all of this madness is to understand that the communications will escalate over time to a point of making plans without you. Yes, it will get to a point that you will become irrelevant and they are solely focused on the individual ont eh other end of the messenger service. Their hope is risk it all for the other person because you are not worth the risk of staying in the relationship. Isolation is a common practice, then youa re treated as if you are contaminated and of course intimacy goes out the door. “We should start seeing other people” is usually the calling card. At this point they have lost all interest in you and the detachment escalates to a point where you to are not even in the same space on any level.

People love to use the term, “I have fallen out of love with you”, in fact they never went that far int he first place in some cases, but instead see others as opportunities and not partners. The downside to this behavior is that as they tire of people, people also tire of them. Think about the number of married people leaving thier spouses or lovers in the hopes of being with someone better. Economics is the first thing that many women use to distance themselves from men, and men commonly use a woman’s build or weight as his easy-out for cheating. The truth is that going into relationships people hope to be the Walmart of love and instead may only have the excitement of a new car until after a year or two.

Younger people are slowing their rate of marriage after witnessing some of the behavior in the past where more than before a considerable number of these young men and women come from divorced or single-parent families. Therefore, many of them may not have witnessed a healthy relationship in their lives, so they have no clue about sustaining one. Cheating can be viewed as a symptom of a larger problem that the perception of you has changed from the perspective of your partner. He or she will more likely than not find others that support her position and use them as the sentiment needed to end the relationship.

One interesting chracteristic is that married women are slower to jump out into a dating situation with someone online in comparison to divorcees and singles. The one type of person to avoid on the dating scene are the time-wasters or those that are married that want to just vent about their situation. The others are the divorcees and in some cases singles that are perpetual daters that just seek out people to sleep with and become winded and dined by. These women and men are usually older and have undergone a lot of situations and now want to just mingle. They are great for sex wasting money and precious time and nothing else because if you get emotionally involved ther is a good probability of being hurt. Whn something taumatic happens in their lives, they usually try to get serious. I think of a situation years ago when a woman I knew enoyed the benefits of being with a gentleman that was more serious about her than she was about him. She teased him about a future together as companions; however, when she became ill she wanted to marry ( primarily to assist in paying the medical bills). Unfortunately, the gentle passed away and left his estate and wealth to the State of California. She suffered miserably before dying.

The sad truth is that we take people for granted and through it all when it comes down to brass-tacks, that faithful person that may be so casually ignored or dismissed may be that green grass after the fields you sought turned brown. On the dating scene over the years I have witnessed this over and over again and even though a partner may have the best laid plans for their lives, they may think that they know better. It i much like the person who makes a hit song, accepts US$10k and sign over North American serial right only to realize that the song grossed over US$200Mil. A fool know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

 

Rebuttal to The Attraction of the Swirl

After receiving this email, I realized that interpretation is everything when communications is involved.  After getting the gentleman’s permission that sent me this email (who’s real name is not Ray) did not surprise me one bit.  I had the pleasure of interviewing the woman participating in this situation and I will post the transcript later.

Hi Jausan, my name is Ray and even though the article had a lot of specifics on stats about interracial dating and marriages, there is one thing I must take issue with, the number of people openly accepting interracial relationships.  I have personally been in a relationship with a married black woman for some time.  She is the wife of a preacher in Georgia and every other weekend she makes her way down to Northern Florida for a good time.  I met on her a year ago on a popular black dating site. I have read others articles you have written about swirling and all of the points you make are valid, but in certain areas it is not so readily accepted.  My wife and I share her together and the situation is now causing problems for us because many of our friends are not appreciative of blacks.

I also understand that some black women look at this as a step up in society by being with whites, but I can tell you that when she is with us she likes to role-play the slave-girl and I wear the confederate costume.  The wife loves seeing us together and since we started this little thing, we have found more blacks and white couples into this fantasy play.  So even though there have been some changes in the attitudes of people, there are some that stay the same.  I am not a racist, but our friends loves being defiled and called the N word by me and wife during sex.  We would never use such a term, but she insist that we do.  I just wanted you to know that there are some people that have arrangements that may not fall in line with the politically correct version of American culture.  By the way, the piece about the marc-auctions are true.  We attended two this summer outside San Francisco and in South Carolina.  My wife and I know it may be wrong, but we have accepted it and our friend and the people we’ve met regardless of race like the thrill of it.  You may repost this email, all I ask is that you do not publish my email address, or real name… Thanks.

I will keep reading and hope you address more on this topic.

Family and Friend’s Opinions Count

Jausan Logo Family and Friend’s Opinions Count
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

  

“Republished with Authorization & Consent of Author”   

   The traditional practice of developing romantic relationships in the United States is somewhat universal in the sense that emotional allegiance allows us to go into them sometimes blindly, ignoring the obvious red-flags that may not serve our best interest on down the road. We sometimes assume that a relationship will workout based on the hope and faith drawn from our cultural aspects such as religion righteousness, judicial fairness, and moral social responsibility. Our hope is that a blessing is bestowed to encapsulate the goodness or merits of the relationship while voiding the negative aspects.

Naïve would be the best description of the aforementioned ideal relationship. Unfortunately, life is not an event where we can select only the good aspects of it and expect marginal challenges. Relationships are a vital aspect of our existence and therefore challenges and hardships come with the landscape.

    We may begin a relationship with someone, introduce him or her to family and friends and discover that they may have some reservations. The common reaction for the person presenting their new romantic find is to investigate the rationale behind the reservations. This is the point where many of us discover later that by ignoring or dismissing these concerns could have saved time, heart-ache, and emotional stress.

    Depending on the self-esteem and personal disposition of the individual, the choice can make the biggest difference between success in a relationship or failure. A very defensive posture which is common among younger participants in relationships has more to do with being judged or criticized for his or her choice in a potential love interest. The problem with this disposition is that it is commonly perceived as a personal attack. When reservations by family and friends are taken in this manner, the person may decide to either void their opinions, or view them as adversaries attempting to ruin happiness. Also, his or her perception could be that of not receiving credit for a decision being made independent of family and friends. Rejection becomes the thought in the sense of not only rejecting the partner he or she selected, but them as well.

     The usual result from this perception can lead to a self-imposed isolation between the new couple from family and friends. This may develop into an emotional comfort-zone temporarily, but could lead to further isolation if there are other motivations by the partner that serves his or her self-interest more so than benefiting the couple as a whole.

    What many people fail to realize is that someone else has experienced the same difficulties in establishing relationships, but may or may not be available as a reference. Friends and family members that may have had the experience may not have the opportunity to share and therefore the individual may have to reinvent the wheel and undergo a lot of unnecessary drama stemming from not listening.

    Love is an emotional experience and we are cultivated to focus more on that aspect than on the rational requirements in order to make a relationship function. The“Us against the world!” approach seems like a great underdog story that is perpetuated throughout American culture, but the designation of adversaries is where sometimes couples get it totally wrong. Families and friends may pick up on certain characteristics in personality, demeanor, disposition, or attitude from the person selected and may want to point these things out early.

    After the self-imposed isolation is implemented and family and friends are no longer the people life is share with, but people that are treated almost like strangers, the partner is at liberty to impose his or her will to some degree. The partner could then impose barriers against him or her developing other relationships or even dictating who is approved and who is not.

    This is where the relationship style comes into play. A command-and-control relationship means that one of the two parties takes the lead without question. Many women find themselves in these types of relationships more so than men. Religious doctrine may also add to the validity of this relationship style that allows the male partner to dictate the dress, diet, social interactions, and liberties given the female partner. Sometimes women that have been in households that had this type of structure may consider this normal and would fall in conflict with others have opposing views. Women are usually given a place and tasks that fall into a gender specific role. Problem occurs when the women attempt to challenge the authority, choices, or decisions made by the male member. The repercussions can range from arguments to domestic violence, depending on the escalation variables. More often than not women that fail to comply to the command-and-control model may either leave the relationship or cope with it using passive-aggressive behavior. Those that comply in this environment may find themselves attempting to go out their way to please the male partner. In some cases, the introduction of extramarital activity may be introduced.

     The critical eyes of objective friends and family members could see the potential flaws to a relationship of this nature from the beginning. The family and friends may also become the very people to clean up the mess after she has left him. For this reason, women would be wise never to severe the ties to family and friends when first getting involved in a relationship. Furthermore, if the male partner is supporting and encouraging this behavior on your behalf, a second thought is also the best bet. There is no merit to pursue happiness through abuse or disrespect.

     Women that impose the command-and-control approach to dating men are commonly economically based, but not always. Men may undergo the same ridicule as women would as the weaker member of the relationship. The main distinction is that the male is commonly marginalized lower than a female in the same circumstance. He is respected for male functions and little else besides sexual gratification and remaining a piece of kept arm-candy. This may seem like a harsh stereo-type, but this type of male does not receive the sympathy by society or family, and friends because of his gender. In the social sense he has abdicated is gender role as provider to assume the role of dependent. Men that have been in these types of relationships may find it harder to re-establish their self-esteem or self-worth because during the relationship the female partner will attempt to strip the dignity away so that he would be of no use to anyone else.

     Even though dating or marrying a wealthy woman may be appealing, the command-and-control relationship with them can be socially compromising and have an adverse impact on his own personal value.

    In both cases the command-and-control relationships have common threads for women and men, control, denial of self-interest, conformity, and putting the other party first. Living in the United States of America, there is little need to have a suppressive relationship when there are governments that are willing to do the same in other nations.

    Exposure is another aspect of the relationship that friends and family attempt to protect family members from in respect to criminal activity and mortal danger. The bad-boy or bad-girl may sound like great stereotypes that promote a sense of adventure through movies and media, but there is a cost associated with pursuing them. The great myth is that these people are smart, no, they are clever. Steve Jobs was smart because he created something. Stealing, robbing, or selling illegal items is clever, because they create nothing, but feed off of the existing work of others. Steve Jobs designed the iPad through hours of grueling work a thief steals the iPad from a store to make a few dollars in comparison to billions if he or she took out enough time to make a comparable product by cultivating his or her skills and abilities. The bad girl or bad boy is nothing more than social short-hand for lazy individual.

    The downside to this appeal is when he or she gets into middle-age and they have very little to show for their efforts in life. A prison record, tales of the way things used to be are rarely valuable in the future.

   These are some of the main reasons for the skepticism that family and friends have about some of the choices we make when it comes to selecting a partner. Even though we may not want to push our pride aside, sometimes it is in our best interest to her them out and understand their concerns.

 

The Rationale Behind Catfishing

The Rationale Behind Catfishing
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

Some of the presumptive attitudes about the people who Catfish are spot-on.  Yes, there is a personality disorder of sorts if you think about it for someone to go through the trouble of deceiving others only for the momentary attention and money if they find someone that gullible.  In most cases the people who do this are lonely.  For those unaware of the term, Catfishing is a method of pretending to be someone online only to project a better image of oneself.  In an effort to be accepted or appreciated for who they would like to be. The grim reality is that most often they are not secure with themselves or actually may not like themselves.  However, the most obvious reason for a person to do this is for financial gain or emotional approval.

The goal for these individuals is to leverage their online presence against the desires of other people.  In other words, they would like to be a fantasy for the other person to buy into and expend tangible capital and emotions.  There is no legitimate reason for many people to do this however some do with in the name of using their personality to when over others in lieu of their looks, size, or other physical features.  It is not uncommon for these people to use other images from the Internet to entice potential suitors or love interests.

The overwhelming problem is that these individuals are a gross waste of time, money, and emotional capital.  There is no age limit for people participating in this practice.  The obvious perception is a disorder of some sort.  One of the main problems that cat-fishers have is a strategy upon meeting the people they have duped for so long.  For this reason MTV and other reality shows have capitalize on this fraud.  Most often these people are lonely and in many cases have no friends.

If you’re singling out there on the dating scene, this is one of the absolute worst situations you could find yourself in because there is definitely a prevailing waste of time and any effort to pursue a relationship with one of these people.  You must remember that if you are attempting to have a relationship with one of these individuals the first thing you must consider is that the introduction for you to meet is based on a lie and deception.  Knowing this, there is no upside for an eligible single to get caught under the circumstances.

Another reality is that these people use the Internet and their projected persona as a means of self-aggrandizement and to stroke their own self-esteem.  Confronting these individuals is pointless, just break communications with them and move on to a more productive relationship.

Why We Marry?

Why We Marry?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

Men marry women hoping their physical appearance will never change, Women marry men hoping they will change their habits. Both are disappointed and settle for their stubborn and aging spouse. Very simplistic with a hint of truth in there somewhere. Even though we’re using a simplistic model in describing something that’s a little bit more complex it conveys the same message that a values associated based on gender in regards to marriage.

We are taught by tradition to value the institution of marriage. However, this is the premise for this adoration has more to do with the institutions around marriages, such as bridal companies, florist, and other ancillary services. The institution of marriage is commercialize to suit the needs of businesses based on the personal motivation and desires of the participants in relationships. Think for a moment of the costs for funeral, there are more costs associated with free burial services than with actually burying the individual. Making money off of the extreme emotional appeal of people such as happiness upon buying an automobile, a home, or being approved for a student loan remains an incentive for emotional base marketing and sales. This is classified as euphoric marketing when an enterprise can capitalize on the emotional appeal of an individual based on his or her perceived happiness for elation. The same occurs during the grieving after a loved one has met their demise.

There are other pressures that may force us to consider marriage that do not directly apply to our own agendas, appeal, or even plans for the future. We do this more out of pleasing others in society as a whole sometimes more so than for own benefit. We see this in arrange marriages, sacrificial marriages, and yes even shotgun weddings.

The basis for many of our decisions to marry is largely due to an emotional appeal in some way form orr fashion. We may call it love, or what we perceive as love to be the sole motivation behind undertaking such an endeavor. In reality, marriage is a contract between two people to oppose certain level of respect decency and loyalty throughout the process until death or divorce. This means joint financial liability and all of the benefits tax-breaks etc. afforded the couples.

There are various reasons to marry some valid with long-term agendas and others with short-term goals. The premise of this endeavor is to ensure some sort of exclusivity and access denied others during the duration of the enterprise. You may look at marriage as a business in a sense, because with it comes branding, integrity and valves commonly used inadvertently as a mission statement. There is shared liability, exposure to risk, a merging of assets, and legal considerations.

People may spend more time on searching for interest rates on automobile purchases than actually considering the right person to marry. This is one of the aspects of our lives that we assume love will conquer all and in some instances we leave the state of the marriage in the hands of the deity or belief that things will take care of themselves. Of course this is an illogical approach to a life altering situation. So therefore fear of marriage plays a significant role in our decisions to consider such a demanding feat.

Another illogical aspect of marriage is the immediate denial for some to seek counseling based on a poor decision made in selecting a partner. Instead we would like to assume that we did not make a mistake and we are therefore charged with going through with the decision we made whether or not it is feasible to continue. This is where many people wind up in trouble, and in divorce court. Denial plays a big part in the failure of many of these marriages. Not the denial after marriage, but the denial prior to marriage before saying I do or taking the vows. The most important aspect of this denial has to do with the fact of avoiding criticism from third parties and family members about selecting the person you love. The sense of embarrassment may cause us to make irrational or illogical choices for the sake of just being right or not allowing friends and family to win.

In conclusion, marriage warrants more consideration than just and I love you, but a long-term feasibility that will require sacrifice and yet pay dividends. Using marriage is a premise to imply that by doing so life will be better is a grave mistake that is made perpetually by youth generation after generation.

When Love Cannot Fix It

When Love Cannot Fix It
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

As people we seek a great equalizer of sorts such as a deity, or some other being that will take up our cause and work for our welfare in the hopes of getting some sort of redress and acknowledgment for our good-deeds and sacrifice.  We may encapsulate this quest in the form of love in order to protect us from many of life’s realities.  Our goal becomes to insulate ourselves from hurt or disappointment in relationships.  This means using tools such as denial, half-truths, and even the cloak of love to prevent reality from bursting our bubble.

Therefore, even if we are told by friends and family that we have made a bad selection for a mate, our compulsion is to ignore that fact and improvise based on emotional security in the face of logical solutions.  A sense of teaming or bonding takes place between us and our partners to a point that even if and when we discover the reality our instinct is to ignore it in the name of love.

The word love in general is ambiguous and has little universal meaning even though it is defined in dictionaries throughout the world.  The word is powerful enough to have a woman spread her legs, yet deadly enough to for a man to go to prison for in extreme cases.  The interpretation of the word is the variable that changes throughout the ages.  Think about the various religion denominations in the Christian faith, where other franchises were formed due to the elements of the practice that groups accepted and rejected.  This same subjectivity defines where people live in that if a community is considered bad, you may have a St. Louis and East St. Louis as an example.  Love works the same way, it’s value is determined by the person or persons involved.

This imbalance in value for the term is what gets us in trouble when it comes to choosing, defining, and sticking by a mate.  Hoe many times have you fallen in love with someone and the sentiments were not reciprocated and you wound up compensating for that lack of emotional comfort for your mate?  Now, if you really think hard enough, you saw the signs but ignored them.  Most people will spend more time doing research on mortgages and automobile financing that they do in selecting a mate.  The assumption for many is that God. love. etc. will do all of the heavy-lifting so that you are making the right choice.  However, we do not dare allow such faith to prevail when it comes to financing a tangible item with a banker.

One major flaw in most relationships is the fact that people do not read or want to know the facts.  In other words this means reading the emotional sentiments of a partner or even reading the proper documents or articles that could assist in resolving problems within the relationship. However from a macro-view, the evidence is obvious, our self-interest and pride are more important to prove the family and friends wrong about our partners and to remain by their side in the hopes of a better tomorrow.  The sad truth is we become disappointed when the partner expresses lesser interest in us than we do in them and leaves us heart-broken and swearing that we will never love again until finding another candidate.

The biggest problem that many people have is falling too quickly, too much, and too deep in love with someone that may not feel the same way and in turn we superimpose that deficit in our minds promoting a sense of childish make-believe romance where the fantasy trumps the reality.