There are two fundamental terms that singles must become familiar with prior to hitting the dating scene “I’m a little married” and “I’m married but looking”. These two terms are qualifiers for those who are ready to cheat on their partner or spouse. It is about 50/50 when it comes to the gender of the person that will use this pseudo-cute cliché’. The single person needs to keep in mind that by using this qualifier he or she does not feel fully obligated to his or her spouse. This means that there is a good possibility that the marriage serves a less important purpose for him or her. On the other-hand, this also implies that if you are approached by someone using this qualifier, you are not a priority to them either when compared with their own self-interest.
As mentioned in my blogs and articles before, cheating is a selfish act and therefore the individual is more concerned about his or her welfare first and the others fall in line after the fact. These individuals are usually trying to avoid domestic troubles at home from a lack in communications in the marriage or relationship and ready to leave with one foot outside the marriage and the other inside it as a mere place-holder. Rarely do these individuals take meeting a single person on the dating scene seriously. In fact, it is not uncommon for them to disclose their marital status up-front. The rationale behind this is to establish that they are seeking satisfaction for the moment and reveal that they are married as a stop-gap measure to avoid any further pursuit of a relationship. They may take it from flirtation to sexual encounters. This has more to do with power than anything else. Most often these individuals want to see if they still have what it takes to get an outsider to want them. The benefit for him or her is to stroke the ego and to flaunt it in the face of a spouse or partner as leverage in the relationship.
There are some people that do this solely for the purpose of lifting low self-esteem through this form of attention. However, the primary uses of the two terms is to create an incentive for the individual to compete against the spouse or partner at that time for their attention and to feel important.
You may read many articles about those shy people afraid of being on the dating scene, but rarely do you hear about people being over-exposed. Yes, over-exposure is a serious problem for many people seeking that special person. More specifically, over-exposure comes about when a person tries too hard to find love through too many avenues i.e. (venues).
You see this when you meet someone on the Internet and find they are signed with every dating service known to man-kind including social media outlets. However, the sad truth is that some of these people actually make it a perpetual life-style choice to remain on the dating scene without any intention of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. I know many of them that began back in the 1980’s and are still out there for some reason decades later without a break.
For some it is a choice because they may be deficient in the attention department and the singles scene allows them the platform to remain in the thick of excitement. The worst thing that could happen from their perspective is to fall in love and or have a relationship because they view it as a liability. In some ways they are like the entertainers that were popular once before and attempt to remain relevant throughout their lives. Simply put, these are the people that do not know when to sit-down.
There is a thrill or rush for some people to meet someone new every week-end; however over-exposure has a cost. And that cost is being taken for granted by potentially eligible partners. You make know of someone who is a chronic complainer about not finding the right person even though they are on a date every other night and have their profiles plastered on every singles venue. Statistically, people remain on the dating scene for no longer than 60 to 90 days. However, there are those that have been out there for years. And one bad thing about being on so many sites is the saturation factor. In essence, the person eventually goes through the extended singles gene-pool.
There are a finite number of people you can meet through any social gathering or Internet venue so, the probability is that these individuals may run into someone that they have dated or slept with at some point. Once gossip and rumors begin, they are hard to stop. One raw realism from this situation is that they more often than not become sex objects or booty-calls. If they sink to this level the beauty and attitude they once used is now replaced with pitiful desperate acts to keep them relevant.
For this reason there is a demand for Cougars by many younger men due to experience, and fewer inhibitions. This is the demand for the green and blue-veined women to slip on a mini-skirt sans undergarments and hang out with people 10 years or more their junior. However, it should be understood that many cougars are discreet and may be more visible online than on singles scenes.
The one take-away here is that being over-exposed can result in being exploited and taken for granted when you begin to blend in with the environment too well.
On Again Off Again Relationships
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
You probably know a girlfriend or guy that may use the term that their relationship is “complicated”. This translates into words such as “I am not really happy with the current situation, but I am coping”. Most often people are slow to admit the obvious that they are in a dying relationship. The usual story is they have decided to take a break from each other. In many cases the two of them may be putting more into a pointless relationship than it is worth.
The One Again Off Again Relationship is nothing more than an opportunity for one or both parties to seek-out someone else better than their current mate. Now, it should be understood that it does not translate into automatically dating other people. However, when his occurs in a relationship some people are of the belief that time away from the person will heal the wounds in it. The problem remains despite the expanse of time between interactions because the lack of communications during that period allows both parties to use their own devices to speculate on how to deal with their temporarily estranged mate. This is the premise that is actually set for another break int he relationship in that the expectation for change in the partner has not been met.
A lot depends on which party asks for the break. If a man asks first it may imply that he wants to retain the relationship while possibly seeking out other women. In the case of a woman, there are two common reasons, 1) she may want to clear her head of the relationship and be unattached momentarily or 2) she may leaving the partner in the works for another relationship. The latter smacks of a larger issue in many cases.
The woman who strategically plans to leave the relationship and uses breaks as a buffer to lessen the blow to the partner tries to ensure that she can step out of her current situation into a far better one. The hook is that she does not care to burn the bridge of friendship in the event she has to use him for something in the future including returning to the relationship if things go south with her plans. One thing to note in relationships is that women think strategically and men think tactically or long-term vs. short-term.
One thing that also occurs is a silence in respect to the issues that created the break in the relationship. Now, there are legitimate reasons for the break besides filling agendas. Infidelity could be a justifiable reason to break for a man or woman to assess taking the relationship further. Another would be habitual behavior that puts the health of the relationship into jeopardy. However, in many cases there are very few reasons for the breaks besides the aforementioned and instead of actually leaving the partner, they use excuses much like a hall-pass in school to not go to the restroom, but hang-out with friends and others. By terminating the relationship one of the parties can actually make a decision. What is usually the result of these break-ups is the light-switch approach because a comprehensive cannot be made with love as the excuse to remain. Also, the reasons may become petty and rigid. This is a weak excuse at best, because love also requires communications and enjoying your partner. Not only should you love your partner, “liking them” is an essential part that many people over-look.
In essence, you make the choice to be with who you are and therefore as a team it is the responsiblity for both of you to preserve it much like a child that foster mutual interest.