Is role-playing healthy in a relationship? – Jausan’s Questions & Answers. You have an interesting insight on relationships, so I thought it proper to ask you this question because my husband and I are an interracial couple both in our mid-thirties [he’s Caucasian and I’m African-American]. We belong to this private club that has retreats in several Southern states. We re-enact roles from the…
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by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
There is a truth about lying in relationships and both parties have to do it on occasion to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. The problem is that often times these lies can lead to a misconceptions about the status of a relationship and the self-perception of the partner. There are five fundamental threats to a woman’s happiness in a relationship. 1) her own insecurities, 2) the fear of wasting time with their chosen partner, 3) another woman internal (friends) or external (other women) invading her relationship, 4) her partner losing interest in her, and 5) the most dreaded, her weight.
As you can see 4 & 5 are tangible concerns in that they are directed related and are elements that fall flatly on the shoulders of the woman. In general women are hardest on themselves when it comes to issues pertaining to the body. In most cases they prefer to either avoid thinking about it or working on it in some way to enhance it. Some men use it as a weapon to control the female much like a mafia extortion tool to empower themselves in order to control behavior such as exercise and diet. The goal is to make the woman feel as though she has done something wrong by getting fat. The situation is then used as cover for infidelity or other activities that can threaten her and the relationship such as breaking-up or divorce. This is when a lie can be perpetrated by those guys who exploit this insecurity.
How many times have you heard a woman complain about her weight? Most often the guy may not be annoyed by it as long as the sex is good. In fact, some guys have a serious fetish about on dating or marrying women whoa re gross over-weight or out-of-shape. They like the abundance of the woman like a child laying in a water-bed for the first time. But one major thing that comes about is that a guy with this preference may lie to the female and encourage her to gain the weight, not to cheat on her, but to place her in a place of dependency and in extreme measure immobility. The objective is to continue a perpetual trend of ensuring that she will not leave him. The thought process is that she will remain attractive enough for him, but repulsive enough to lessen her chances to meet a better catch. Now, there is a distinction between loving someone who is large upon meeting them and being concerned about their health without the constraint of “lose all of the weight or else”. However, men will also need to grow-up if they meet a woman who is a size zero initially and then has several children. Many women spread after having children and retain a certain amount of weight afterwards. And one foot note, the celebrities that make claims about losing the baby-weight varies, because we never know ow many specialists they can afford to hire to undergo the process.
Guys who are into this sort of fetish may actually become angry if the weight is lost because there are men out there who like cellulite and stretch-marks because they think they are sexy. Yes, and for this reason, larger women wearing tight-fitting clothing that many would make double-takes to stare at the spectacle, they are confident because someone told them they look good. Some people may call these guys “Chubby Chasers”, but even in that realm of humanity the fantasy out-weighs the reality of health concerns. And sometimes a larger single woman may dress provocative just to get the attention because the rationale is that she only needs one good guy out of the pack. These women are very keen on this and even though some may laugh and point, there is a man, woman, or couple that would love to bed them.
Of course there are others that insist on wearing the clothing you used to wear back when they were a bit shapelier and by doing so after many pounds later it may serve as a bit of therapy for someone to notice them. What they are doing is exactly what slimmer women do, but they are ridiculed for their size more so than their other attributes. The misconception is that if others lie to her about how attractive she is when it is obvious that she is not, then she may believe them to a point of taking the social flack. Usually, women who are large and provocative develop tough skin over time and this has a lot to do with being under-appreciated by society as a whole. The media influences our self perceptions and being that 70% of advertisement is geared toward women with a message that challenges their current status, this reaction is normal. The toughest part of dealing with a guy who has such a fetish is to distinguish when you best interest is placed in jeopardy over his desire to fulfill a fantasy. In concept, this is a selfish move on his part.
One of the main complaints among men about larger women is the lack of flexibility during sex. However, a man may still find himself dating or being with a larger woman despite the criticism. No matter what, these women need to be loved like anyone else and sometimes they may need to go that extra mile to feel appreciated and take a break from the social criticism and just be themselves. The Biggest threat is a patronizing (not loving) partner that only sees his fantasy being met based on a larger size woman.
You may read many articles about those shy people afraid of being on the dating scene, but rarely do you hear about people being over-exposed. Yes, over-exposure is a serious problem for many people seeking that special person. More specifically, over-exposure comes about when a person tries too hard to find love through too many avenues i.e. (venues).
You see this when you meet someone on the Internet and find they are signed with every dating service known to man-kind including social media outlets. However, the sad truth is that some of these people actually make it a perpetual life-style choice to remain on the dating scene without any intention of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. I know many of them that began back in the 1980’s and are still out there for some reason decades later without a break.
For some it is a choice because they may be deficient in the attention department and the singles scene allows them the platform to remain in the thick of excitement. The worst thing that could happen from their perspective is to fall in love and or have a relationship because they view it as a liability. In some ways they are like the entertainers that were popular once before and attempt to remain relevant throughout their lives. Simply put, these are the people that do not know when to sit-down.
There is a thrill or rush for some people to meet someone new every week-end; however over-exposure has a cost. And that cost is being taken for granted by potentially eligible partners. You make know of someone who is a chronic complainer about not finding the right person even though they are on a date every other night and have their profiles plastered on every singles venue. Statistically, people remain on the dating scene for no longer than 60 to 90 days. However, there are those that have been out there for years. And one bad thing about being on so many sites is the saturation factor. In essence, the person eventually goes through the extended singles gene-pool.
There are a finite number of people you can meet through any social gathering or Internet venue so, the probability is that these individuals may run into someone that they have dated or slept with at some point. Once gossip and rumors begin, they are hard to stop. One raw realism from this situation is that they more often than not become sex objects or booty-calls. If they sink to this level the beauty and attitude they once used is now replaced with pitiful desperate acts to keep them relevant.
For this reason there is a demand for Cougars by many younger men due to experience, and fewer inhibitions. This is the demand for the green and blue-veined women to slip on a mini-skirt sans undergarments and hang out with people 10 years or more their junior. However, it should be understood that many cougars are discreet and may be more visible online than on singles scenes.
The one take-away here is that being over-exposed can result in being exploited and taken for granted when you begin to blend in with the environment too well.
You have an interesting insight on relationships, so I thought it proper to ask you this question because my husband and I are an interracial couple both in our mid-thirties [he’s Caucasian and I’m African-American]. We belong to this private club that has retreats in several Southern states. We re-enact roles from the Civil War.
A few days ago my husband told me of another private club where black wives and girlfriends can be exchanged for sexual favors and role-playing as slaves. I wasn’t shocked by this because some of our role-play with other like-minded couples involved renting places and having marc-auctions and the like. In the beginning I felt degraded, but now I have found comfort in it. I wrote this question because my husband told me that he is bringing in another wench for breeding and she will be co-habitating with us.
I want my normal marriage back again without all of this stuff.
Columbia, SC, USA