One of the most disturbing experiences that a younger woman can have is for her mother to disrespect her and sleep with her man. Yes, there are some mature women out there that find it amusing to engage in this practice, leaving the daughter heart-broken and suspicious. The most often cause of this gross violation of trust and respect has to do with an act of selfishness and disregard to the daughter. In some instances this is a delayed reaction of resentment of the daughter being born. Others may see this as competition. However, one common factor is low self-esteem on the part of the mother.
We all know that relationships should and must have boundaries, but there are some people in general that are reared without them or ignore them. You may see this behavior among people that have reared themselves without the guidance of parents or other respectable figures. This competition may begin innocently and escalate based on the amount attention the mother may receive from her daughter’s man. Now this transgression may occur with aunts and or other relatives that may have a sense of entitlement.
One of the early signs of this behavior may begin with inappropriate attire or the potential of the boyfriend seeing the mother opt relative nude at some point. This introduction may begin early in the daughter’s relationship with the young man or later after she has had a chance to feel him out. There have been some rare accounts according to some of the email we have received of mothers actually having a pre-qualifier of sleeping with the guy discreetly prior to allowing him to date the daughter. Yes, this is dysfunction at its finest, but the illogical logic is that if he is good enough for me then he is good enough for my daughter. It should be of no surprise that many of these relationships occur discreetly without the daughter’s knowledge.
On one awkward account, a then 19 year-old guy was at a singles mixer and wound up talking to a woman about 48 years of age. The two eventually had sexual relations for several months with her avoiding the ridicule of explaining to family members of being with such a young guy. Eventually, the affair was over and they parted ways and he attended college in another part of the city. In his senior year, he fell in love with an attractive blonde in her early twenties. They relished in bliss until Spring Break. She finally felt the relationship was strong enough for him to meet the parents. He became uncomfortable upon arriving to the same house where he had bedded her mother about three years prior. The young-man failed to disclose to his new love about his previous relationship with the lady in the home. When he met her mother, there was an awkward pause at the front-door as the mother and father greeted their daughter while holding hands. Sadly, the mother and young gentleman kept their secret and continued to see each other for years even after he and the daughter ended their relationship.
This is one very rare example of how these situations may occur. The premise of the relationship was based on an unhappy wife venturing out for a younger man and ironically winding up with her daughter’s boyfriend. However, most incidents of this situation occur deliberately. What we have to consider is that some of these mothers have been in or remain in unfulfilling relationships and therefore they may feel trapped, unloved, or under-appreciated. Having the younger man may make her feel appreciated and being that he is probably gang to be with her daughter allows her the ease of access as a benefit. In other words, the daughter is used as bait to keep him there and the mother may leverage her influence on the relationship to extort him for sex.
Needless to say, this is a disorder and there have been news accounts of mothers being caught with their daughter’s men or ex’s in compromising situations. However, the nom is that most mothers establish a level of respect and their relationships will never go so low. But we must remember that normalcy is the rule and this behavior is the exception and not vice-versa. A younger woman should be aware of how her mother interacts with her boyfriend in regards in inappropriate behavior or living too vicariously through her daughter’s relationship it him. Again as mentioned earlier, attire is important, because saying that he is a member of the family as mother prances around in underwear or short skirts to attract the attention is something to consider.
Most often sex and attention are the key factors in most of these women acting out this way, so therefore it may fall on the shoulders of both the boyfriend and daughter to immediately set the boundaries if the mother does not have the discipline to do so.