My best male friend made a move on me now what should I do? – Jausan’s Questions & Answers. My name is Sharon and I have been friends with a guy for almost 6 years now and lastnight while stopping by my apartment he slipped his hand under my skirt. It was really an awkward moment and we both knew it wasn’t right. I never thought that he would do something like this to me, Jennifer H. Portland,…
You may read many articles about those shy people afraid of being on the dating scene, but rarely do you hear about people being over-exposed. Yes, over-exposure is a serious problem for many people seeking that special person. More specifically, over-exposure comes about when a person tries too hard to find love through too many avenues i.e. (venues).
You see this when you meet someone on the Internet and find they are signed with every dating service known to man-kind including social media outlets. However, the sad truth is that some of these people actually make it a perpetual life-style choice to remain on the dating scene without any intention of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. I know many of them that began back in the 1980’s and are still out there for some reason decades later without a break.
For some it is a choice because they may be deficient in the attention department and the singles scene allows them the platform to remain in the thick of excitement. The worst thing that could happen from their perspective is to fall in love and or have a relationship because they view it as a liability. In some ways they are like the entertainers that were popular once before and attempt to remain relevant throughout their lives. Simply put, these are the people that do not know when to sit-down.
There is a thrill or rush for some people to meet someone new every week-end; however over-exposure has a cost. And that cost is being taken for granted by potentially eligible partners. You make know of someone who is a chronic complainer about not finding the right person even though they are on a date every other night and have their profiles plastered on every singles venue. Statistically, people remain on the dating scene for no longer than 60 to 90 days. However, there are those that have been out there for years. And one bad thing about being on so many sites is the saturation factor. In essence, the person eventually goes through the extended singles gene-pool.
There are a finite number of people you can meet through any social gathering or Internet venue so, the probability is that these individuals may run into someone that they have dated or slept with at some point. Once gossip and rumors begin, they are hard to stop. One raw realism from this situation is that they more often than not become sex objects or booty-calls. If they sink to this level the beauty and attitude they once used is now replaced with pitiful desperate acts to keep them relevant.
For this reason there is a demand for Cougars by many younger men due to experience, and fewer inhibitions. This is the demand for the green and blue-veined women to slip on a mini-skirt sans undergarments and hang out with people 10 years or more their junior. However, it should be understood that many cougars are discreet and may be more visible online than on singles scenes.
The one take-away here is that being over-exposed can result in being exploited and taken for granted when you begin to blend in with the environment too well.
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
The Friends with Benefits cliche’ has been around for decades and it remains en vogue to this very day. The primary purpose of these relationships is to create the illusion of interest in a person while having sex.
The truth is that these relationships are commonly superficial and sex is the only mutual benefit from the exchange. Three factors that can easily ruin these relationships are STD’s, pregnancy and if one of the two parties attempts to develop the relationship into something more than a friendly booty-call.
These arrangements are usually created over time between two people as a casual friendship that evolves into a continued sexual encounter. Both parties go into this arrangement for purely physical reasons and rarely do these situations materialize into anything of marital value. The fundamental problem with attempting to develop sustainable relationships from these situations is that they are usually just convenient sexual situations that allows both parties to become sex objects.
They become the noun of things “My Dude”, “My Side-piece”, you’ve got the idea, and places become those parts of the body satisfied by the sexual experience, and finally the person is nothing more than a tool to relieve tension. The approaches are different because women prefer to romanticize the situation as being sexually desirable. A man takes a different view in that the visual aspect of the relationship out-weighs any portion of responsibility associated with the relationship. It becomes a game in which sex is the premise and going beyond that point is a liability.
The consequences of this arrangement is that one or both parties will tire from the same old sexual situation over time. Statistically, it is usually the male because before women get involved in these types of arrangements, it is usually someone they have built trust and confidence in some way. Guys rarely need this level of assurance and therefore are more likely to move on quickly upon the termination of the relationship.
Women often get hurt in these situations because the guy usually leaves first especially if pressure is applied by an ultimatum of some sort. The misconception some women have is that her brand of sexual activity will bring him back or keep him in some way. One thing that all singles and couples must understand is that there is always someone out there that is better than your mate sexually and the reality is that most people wind up ignorant of that fact and settle with who is more convenient.
Fatigue is the enemy in these relationships because it creates a routine that leads to being bored. This is the key reason why men and women cheat in general. The same old sex with the same old person can become mind-numbing over-time and sex becomes more of a chore or obligation than a fulfilling experience with that person.
Also these friends with benefits relationships rarely address relationship equity. And yes, some come with are rules that are not required in more conventional relationships. Dating other people for instance may be allowed and therefore subjecting both parties to other people that might suit them better than the current arrangement. If the two parties do not live together, then rules must be established in respect to visitation, illness, conduct, and behavior . For most guys this is too much work and they may opt to sleep with her a few times and move on and allow some other more needy individual to deal with all of the rules and regulations. Another issue is the dual role of the relationship in which in certain situations the partners may or one of them may classify themselves as a couple and in others they are just friends. Needless-to-say, the treatment comes with the circumstance.
A lot of bisexual women may have these relationships with straight men and therefore have the autonomy to dictate the relationship by keeping the guy around in the hopes of a threesome or have him as a sexual toy like a breathing vibrator when she prefers male sexual companionship. Guys that hang around for this event are usually wasting their time because if the woman gives in, there may not be an incentive to stay for the guy hoping to bed two women at some point.
In any case these relationship are situational, temporary, and rarely lead to a sustainable romantic bonds beyond sex. And you should not that those who care to embrace such a relationship should understand that women and men familiar with this practice may do this on a regular basis between relationships that they value. Think of these arrangements as nothing more than a demo of sexual interaction for a specific purpose and nothing more. The higher the expectations from these relationships, the harder one will fall when they fail. It should not be a shocker if you meet a person who has a line of friends of the opposite sex that know as much as much or more about your partner’s intimate preferences than you do.
My name is Sharon and I have been friends with a guy for almost 6 years now and lastnight while stopping by my apartment he slipped his hand under my skirt. It was really an awkward moment and we both knew it wasn’t right. I never thought that he would do something like this to me,
Portland, OR, USA