J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
Woman are usually the first party to get serious about a relationship when it comes to mapping out a feasible plan for the relationship to develop and grow. In many instances they fail to realize that one of the primary functions for them in a relationship is to set the pace. However, those that are either too fast or too slow usually wind up alone. One of the main reasons for this situation is the lack of understanding, power, and responsibility bestowed upon them. Let’s look at some practical examples such as the initial stages of the relationship. The first is the physical appeal and the social imbalance associated with it. If a woman classifies a guy as ugly for instance she would have to rely upon the integrity of her character to look beyond the scope of the obvious. Therefore, his personality, charm, wit, and character would carry heavier weight.
Men are polar opposites in this sense being that they are more visually motivated and a woman in a short-skirt, revealing a little skin will create an attraction despite the other features. Now, this is not to say that the attention sought or gathered by this lowest denominator method is the best practice. The fact is that more than likely it works. A man is more willing to make exceptions on facial features for physical attributes. However, in some instances, women may use the same approach especially when older because the muscles may have more appeal than the intellect and or facial disposition. In any case there remains the primal appeal between sexes.
Women that are not aware of the power they have will most often find themselves emotionally heart-broken because a guy likes a challenge of sorts. Remember the competitive male? He is also competitive when it comes to seeking that special woman. The problem arises when the woman does two things that creates a motivation for a man to consider infidelity. Unlike the common stereo-type of just getting another woman for the physical treats, he also needs someone who he can talk to in an appropriate manner. In short, the Second Mommy Syndrome (SMS) when the relationship digresses into a bastardized Mother Son relationship where she becomes a micro-manager. This is one of the most aggravating complains men have with women nagging. The reason for this is because the guy competes at work and is criticized and placed in a subjective position to please the boss etc. Even though women are placed under the same pressures, it is the social expectation of men to endure the issues more so than women. However, it should be noted that women catch their fair share of hell at work, but the burden of being the provider is not assumed as in the case of the male.
When the male partner in a relationship comes home and has to engage in extensive dialogue with a partner that escalates it is comparable to the work environment. The male then perceives coming home like going to a second job with a second boss. For this reason they may choose to take the long way home from work not only to decompress from the job, but to also prepare for the escalation at home. Women may notice their husbands coming home and remaining relatively silent or removed. This is called with-drawing and therefore he feels as though he is not being heard. “Sounds familiar ladies?” The next step is usually avoidance before taking on the disposition that he is stuck in a relationship much like having the room-mate from hell. In many instances he would never say it to his partner, but instead ay find comfort in telling s a stripper or another woman.
One note about guys who cheat to remember is that they have been in a relationship for quite some time, they usually, but not always find a younger version of their partner physically. Men like routines and being that the person they initially started with had all of the physical features, they seek differences in personalities and situations much like a distilled version of their partner. It is not surprising that many of these men will not actually sleep with the other women, but talk about things or engage in activities that have little to do with sex.
The work-place may be a breeding ground for this sort of situation to take place because they are familiar with the people and already have a rapport to discuss some personal matter. This is just a part of human engineering. The relationships develop when two people in similar situations can relate to each other. At some point the other woman becomes a passive ally. The elements that contribute to this sort of distancing for the male is when he becomes marginalized by his partner in front of others. Men rarely humiliate their unless he is a jerk or caught her cheating out of anger. How many times have you heard women say to a neighbor or friend “He is _____” fill in the blank.
The other woman will always out-listen the female partner and this fives her the distinct advantage in that she is aware of the weaknesses and flaws and can take full advantage of the gap in the relationship. Many people would like to blame a tangible person for the problems, but it comes down to a gross lack of communication and respect instead of the other woman.
The second motivation that fosters make infidelity is his own battle in respect to an identity crisis and this is something that both men and women deal with regularly. The perceived wasting of time causes this situation. How many times have you heard people who cheat say they were bored? This has more to do with viewing the relationship as complacent and uneventful. Again, blame is usually cast toward the partner, but in fact both parties gave neglected the needs of each other. Work, children, school, etc. are just place-holders to cover larger issues.
The distinction between infidelity between men and women are stark because women use a bit more planning and strategy in their plans, men on the other-hand go into these situations knowing that they will get caught at some point and therefore the infidelity is the soft-option out of the relationship. Women are more intuitive and may exercise far more caution in their practice of infidelity such as meeting someone totally unrelated to their environment. Men on the other-hand prefer routine in most cases and just want comfort. A woman usually plans for the demise of a relationship when she has decided to cheat. In short, she most often does not care about the relationship because she has terminated it emotionally. Men will attempt to burn both ends of the candle until caught.
Neglect. Marginalization, and Seeking an identity are the common motivations for men which includes not being over-mothered, unacknowledged, and perceiving that he cannot get the kind of women he used to in the past. Blame and drama are only symptoms, the problem remains ole fashion communications or a lack there of in a sense.