The Motivations for Male Infidelity

The Motivations for Male Infidelity
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

Woman are usually the first party to get serious about a relationship when it comes to mapping out a feasible plan for the relationship to develop and grow. In many instances they fail to realize that one of the primary functions for them in a relationship is to set the pace. However, those that are either too fast or too slow usually wind up alone. One of the main reasons for this situation is the lack of understanding, power, and responsibility bestowed upon them. Let’s look at some practical examples such as the initial stages of the relationship. The first is the physical appeal and the social imbalance associated with it. If a woman classifies a guy as ugly for instance she would have to rely upon the integrity of her character to look beyond the scope of the obvious. Therefore, his personality, charm, wit, and character would carry heavier weight.

Men are polar opposites in this sense being that they are more visually motivated and a woman in a short-skirt, revealing a little skin will create an attraction despite the other features. Now, this is not to say that the attention sought or gathered by this lowest denominator method is the best practice. The fact is that more than likely it works. A man is more willing to make exceptions on facial features for physical attributes. However, in some instances, women may use the same approach especially when older because the muscles may have more appeal than the intellect and or facial disposition. In any case there remains the primal appeal between sexes.

Women that are not aware of the power they have will most often find themselves emotionally heart-broken because a guy likes a challenge of sorts. Remember the competitive male? He is also competitive when it comes to seeking that special woman. The problem arises when the woman does two things that creates a motivation for a man to consider infidelity. Unlike the common stereo-type of just getting another woman for the physical treats, he also needs someone who he can talk to in an appropriate manner. In short, the Second Mommy Syndrome (SMS) when the relationship digresses into a bastardized Mother Son relationship where she becomes a micro-manager. This is one of the most aggravating complains men have with women nagging. The reason for this is because the guy competes at work and is criticized and placed in a subjective position to please the boss etc. Even though women are placed under the same pressures, it is the social expectation of men to endure the issues more so than women. However, it should be noted that women catch their fair share of hell at work, but the burden of being the provider is not assumed as in the case of the male.

When the male partner in a relationship comes home and has to engage in extensive dialogue with a partner that escalates it is comparable to the work environment. The male then perceives coming home like going to a second job with a second boss. For this reason they may choose to take the long way home from work not only to decompress from the job, but to also prepare for the escalation at home. Women may notice their husbands coming home and remaining relatively silent or removed. This is called with-drawing and therefore he feels as though he is not being heard. “Sounds familiar ladies?” The next step is usually avoidance before taking on the disposition that he is stuck in a relationship much like having the room-mate from hell. In many instances he would never say it to his partner, but instead ay find comfort in telling s a stripper or another woman.

One note about guys who cheat to remember is that they have been in a relationship for quite some time, they usually, but not always find a younger version of their partner physically. Men like routines and being that the person they initially started with had all of the physical features, they seek differences in personalities and situations much like a distilled version of their partner. It is not surprising that many of these men will not actually sleep with the other women, but talk about things or engage in activities that have little to do with sex.

The work-place may be a breeding ground for this sort of situation to take place because they are familiar with the people and already have a rapport to discuss some personal matter. This is just a part of human engineering. The relationships develop when two people in similar situations can relate to each other. At some point the other woman becomes a passive ally. The elements that contribute to this sort of distancing for the male is when he becomes marginalized by his partner in front of others. Men rarely humiliate their unless he is a jerk or caught her cheating out of anger. How many times have you heard women say to a neighbor or friend “He is _____” fill in the blank.

The other woman will always out-listen the female partner and this fives her the distinct advantage in that she is aware of the weaknesses and flaws and can take full advantage of the gap in the relationship. Many people would like to blame a tangible person for the problems, but it comes down to a gross lack of communication and respect instead of the other woman.

The second motivation that fosters make infidelity is his own battle in respect to an identity crisis and this is something that both men and women deal with regularly. The perceived wasting of time causes this situation. How many times have you heard people who cheat say they were bored? This has more to do with viewing the relationship as complacent and uneventful. Again, blame is usually cast toward the partner, but in fact both parties gave neglected the needs of each other. Work, children, school, etc. are just place-holders to cover larger issues.

The distinction between infidelity between men and women are stark because women use a bit more planning and strategy in their plans, men on the other-hand go into these situations knowing that they will get caught at some point and therefore the infidelity is the soft-option out of the relationship. Women are more intuitive and may exercise far more caution in their practice of infidelity such as meeting someone totally unrelated to their environment. Men on the other-hand prefer routine in most cases and just want comfort. A woman usually plans for the demise of a relationship when she has decided to cheat. In short, she most often does not care about the relationship because she has terminated it emotionally. Men will attempt to burn both ends of the candle until caught.

Neglect. Marginalization, and Seeking an identity are the common motivations for men which includes not being over-mothered, unacknowledged, and perceiving that he cannot get the kind of women he used to in the past. Blame and drama are only symptoms, the problem remains ole fashion communications or a lack there of in a sense.


What the Other Woman May Know…


0057_imagesWhat the Other Woman May Know…
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

‘What does she have that has my man going to her?’ is a question that bounces in the minds of some women when they discover that their men have cheated. The one question that should be asked is ‘What does the other women know that I don’t?’. Most often women are focused on how the other woman looks or what she wears. Instead the information that the other woman has about you and your relationship is more important. There are some guys that may reveal to the other woman that he has a woman. However, he may not tell the woman he is in a relationship with that there is another woman. This is a common approach that most men undertake to have one party abreast with the particulars in case his partner or spouse finds out. A safety-net best describes this tactic so that out of the two, he does remain with at least one of the participants. The information that the other woman receives may involve all of the short-comings of the current partner from issues about body-type to far more personal details about flaws in personality or character. The main benefit to the other woman is his blue-print in avoiding becoming more like his partner. She is more aware of his likes and dislikes and knows most if not all of the partner’ flaws. The very things that he should discuss with his partner is shared with the other woman.

As he finds more trust in her listening ears, the benefits are increased in respect to time, money, and attention. Meanwhile the partner is neglected and usually lied to in some way. The first lie told to the partner in respect to the other woman’s benefit is the beginning of neglect in the relationship. Anger is commonly used as a defensive measure for the guy to thwart communications with the partner and therefore qualify the distance in the relationship. Unfortunately, even though the intuition may be present for the partner she may need a bit more evidence to confront him with. During this period, the man will use this to distance himself from the partner and cement the foundation of a stronger relationship with the other woman. The distinction between the other woman and a mistress are vast and yet similar.

The other woman may be involved in a relationship herself and conspiracy between she and the occupied male partner is the biggest betrayal. The mistress is usually single and available and may demand more from the cheating male partner than he can or willing to give up such as cash, material items or even his relationship. The other woman usually works in tandem with the cheating male partner over a specific time-line toward a specific goal. This duo create routines, strategies, meeting-places, and schedules with a mutually acceptable agenda. These relationships are developed carefully over time and are far from the booty-call types of cheating. Sexual compatibility is also another aspect that these two may find to compliment the union. The most obvious avenue for these relationships to develop are in a variety of environments much like any conventional relationship. Most often, women assume that the Internet is the lynch-pin for most of these relationships. In fact this is not always the case due to the fact that these interpersonal liaisons most often begin within regular communities, at work, at church and other venues. The rationale is that trust is required and the Internet is very illusive and what is posted may not be reality.

A man seeking the other woman will have to be with someone he can trust and someone that is very discreet and someone he feels very comfortable around. In some cases it could be someone that both he and his partner knows. There are those men that prefer to have complete strangers in these arrangements and it will take considerable time before developing a serious trust-based relationship. The irony is that he is looking for the same thing in a relationship that he breeched in his own pre-existing relationship. If she is in a relationship or marriage there is a good possibility that she will also purge her dislikes about her situation. The misery-loves-company cliche’ comes to mind in that they both will unite for a cause to be happy and view their partners as oppressors. The two parties may find equity in the union to the point of having him accountable as if they were married or committed.

The weaknesses in their partners lays the ground-work for them to build a relationship from two ruined ones. In some cases, they may even schedule a time to reveal to the world that they are lovers along with their intentions. Others will conceal the union until the very end to avoid criticism and controversy. If the other woman is ever confronted by the cheating partner’s partner or spouse she has enough ammunition to not only hurt her feelings, but to also embarrass her into oblivion for his perspective. The sad thing about these situations is that the cheating partners are only staying in the relationship with their partners for a benefit of having the routine while creating another outside for a smooth transition. Once again cheating is a selfish act and therefore the cheaters in this case are only focused on their happiness.