J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
Woman are usually the first party to get serious about a relationship when it comes to mapping out a feasible plan for the relationship to develop and grow. In many instances they fail to realize that one of the primary functions for them in a relationship is to set the pace. However, those that are either too fast or too slow usually wind up alone. One of the main reasons for this situation is the lack of understanding, power, and responsibility bestowed upon them. Let’s look at some practical examples such as the initial stages of the relationship. The first is the physical appeal and the social imbalance associated with it. If a woman classifies a guy as ugly for instance she would have to rely upon the integrity of her character to look beyond the scope of the obvious. Therefore, his personality, charm, wit, and character would carry heavier weight.
Men are polar opposites in this sense being that they are more visually motivated and a woman in a short-skirt, revealing a little skin will create an attraction despite the other features. Now, this is not to say that the attention sought or gathered by this lowest denominator method is the best practice. The fact is that more than likely it works. A man is more willing to make exceptions on facial features for physical attributes. However, in some instances, women may use the same approach especially when older because the muscles may have more appeal than the intellect and or facial disposition. In any case there remains the primal appeal between sexes.
Women that are not aware of the power they have will most often find themselves emotionally heart-broken because a guy likes a challenge of sorts. Remember the competitive male? He is also competitive when it comes to seeking that special woman. The problem arises when the woman does two things that creates a motivation for a man to consider infidelity. Unlike the common stereo-type of just getting another woman for the physical treats, he also needs someone who he can talk to in an appropriate manner. In short, the Second Mommy Syndrome (SMS) when the relationship digresses into a bastardized Mother Son relationship where she becomes a micro-manager. This is one of the most aggravating complains men have with women nagging. The reason for this is because the guy competes at work and is criticized and placed in a subjective position to please the boss etc. Even though women are placed under the same pressures, it is the social expectation of men to endure the issues more so than women. However, it should be noted that women catch their fair share of hell at work, but the burden of being the provider is not assumed as in the case of the male.
When the male partner in a relationship comes home and has to engage in extensive dialogue with a partner that escalates it is comparable to the work environment. The male then perceives coming home like going to a second job with a second boss. For this reason they may choose to take the long way home from work not only to decompress from the job, but to also prepare for the escalation at home. Women may notice their husbands coming home and remaining relatively silent or removed. This is called with-drawing and therefore he feels as though he is not being heard. “Sounds familiar ladies?” The next step is usually avoidance before taking on the disposition that he is stuck in a relationship much like having the room-mate from hell. In many instances he would never say it to his partner, but instead ay find comfort in telling s a stripper or another woman.
One note about guys who cheat to remember is that they have been in a relationship for quite some time, they usually, but not always find a younger version of their partner physically. Men like routines and being that the person they initially started with had all of the physical features, they seek differences in personalities and situations much like a distilled version of their partner. It is not surprising that many of these men will not actually sleep with the other women, but talk about things or engage in activities that have little to do with sex.
The work-place may be a breeding ground for this sort of situation to take place because they are familiar with the people and already have a rapport to discuss some personal matter. This is just a part of human engineering. The relationships develop when two people in similar situations can relate to each other. At some point the other woman becomes a passive ally. The elements that contribute to this sort of distancing for the male is when he becomes marginalized by his partner in front of others. Men rarely humiliate their unless he is a jerk or caught her cheating out of anger. How many times have you heard women say to a neighbor or friend “He is _____” fill in the blank.
The other woman will always out-listen the female partner and this fives her the distinct advantage in that she is aware of the weaknesses and flaws and can take full advantage of the gap in the relationship. Many people would like to blame a tangible person for the problems, but it comes down to a gross lack of communication and respect instead of the other woman.
The second motivation that fosters make infidelity is his own battle in respect to an identity crisis and this is something that both men and women deal with regularly. The perceived wasting of time causes this situation. How many times have you heard people who cheat say they were bored? This has more to do with viewing the relationship as complacent and uneventful. Again, blame is usually cast toward the partner, but in fact both parties gave neglected the needs of each other. Work, children, school, etc. are just place-holders to cover larger issues.
The distinction between infidelity between men and women are stark because women use a bit more planning and strategy in their plans, men on the other-hand go into these situations knowing that they will get caught at some point and therefore the infidelity is the soft-option out of the relationship. Women are more intuitive and may exercise far more caution in their practice of infidelity such as meeting someone totally unrelated to their environment. Men on the other-hand prefer routine in most cases and just want comfort. A woman usually plans for the demise of a relationship when she has decided to cheat. In short, she most often does not care about the relationship because she has terminated it emotionally. Men will attempt to burn both ends of the candle until caught.
Neglect. Marginalization, and Seeking an identity are the common motivations for men which includes not being over-mothered, unacknowledged, and perceiving that he cannot get the kind of women he used to in the past. Blame and drama are only symptoms, the problem remains ole fashion communications or a lack there of in a sense.
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
Interracial Dating has become a social main-stay within our community despite some of the sentiments that counter this reality. America experienced a cultural shift that began in the 1960’s and continues to our present day. The one main factor was the impact of culture and a new appreciation in understanding others. However, it should be acknowledged that this transition has not been easy and interracial romance has existed throughout our time.
Even though we would like to have a sanitized perspective on our history, men and women undertook the challenge despite the odds. Yes, there are some implied accounts when both men and women of different races made love, had sex, and procreated together. These sentiments went beyond the scope of social norms and laws and those few that took the risk were fulfilled in their quests.
However it should be acknowledged that there are many different agendas when it comes to people engaging in interracial relationships. Some of the categories are pretty straight-forward while others linger in the shadows. Social peer-pressure is the fundamental reason why this form of dating had such a slow evolution into American society. The most socially controversial are those relationships involving Caucasian women and African-American men. In Western Culture male dominance represented power and authority and the female remains that individual he is charged to protect. In the past racial segregation prevented African-American men to pursue relationships with Caucasian women. As a result, these relationships were discreet for centuries. However, African-American women was not openly accepted either, but overlooked as choice by the dominant member of American society. From the perspective of many African-Americans it seemed as though the women that participated in these relationships with Caucasian men were fulfilling a stereo-type that they were trying to forget that of the master sleeping with his slave girl. On the other-hand, African-American men that dated Caucasian women were received with mixed reviews by other African-Americans. One faction accused these men of selling-out while others viewed them as taking something from Caucasian males in regards to the legacy of slavery. An of course main-stream society did not openly approve of either union.
The one thing that individuals with these hard-line views failed to acknowledge was that individuals involved in these relationships put their personal interest above that of the collective group (society). Myths, stereo-types and exaggerations fueled the distrust, dislike, and disdain for these relationships with the support for this disposition being based on a small sampling of people within the group. The utopian ideal of a pure race of people remains in our society in some regions, but as people become more educated about their own needs and desires it will not be too long before a pure ethnicity is a minority. And as experienced in American history this means a change in social dialogue.
Being in an interracial relationship is difficult in America even in our modern day and age due to the botched efforts the country has done towards race relations. Now, there are several agendas for people getting into these relationships and some are more worthy than others. Below are some of the reasons :
- A person falls in love with someone of another race without a predisposition and accepts that individual for who they are despite a of the social inhibitions. These people seek emotional fulfillment in the sense that race does not matter in respect to their happiness.
- Curiosity Dating is that form of interracial dating that approaches the practice as more of a study than anything else. These relationships are commonly physically-based over time and have a very little chance of advancing into a viable relationship.The common downside to this approach is the person may have a bias or skepticism that may allow them to generalize based on one bad experience or two. In short these individuals are on the fence are more than likely a time-waster .
- Novelty Dating is similar to Curiosity Dating with exception that the agenda is to say they have dated “place minority here”. The most distinct difference is that these individuals may date minorities in succession based more on the culture, music, and hanging out more so than actually caring to be in a long-term relationship. Women are known for this practice dating a plethora of ethnicities and then returning to her own. Basically, it is much like having fun before going into a serious endeavor where this element of life is off-limits.
- Fetish Dating is clearly the most popular approach to interracial relationships. This practice means that a person seeks out a person or persons of a particular ethnicity based solely on superficial features or characteristics. Wide-hips, foreign languages spoken during intimacy, or some other distinguishing characteristic. This is more of an objectifying endeavor than anything else. Couples may even bring a minority into the bedroom in order to spice things up. One of the popular tends is for a woman to wear a tattoo depicting the Ace of Spades usually in a concealed area on the body as code.
- Redemptive Dating is a form of interracial dating that takes place when a minority dates a Caucasian to rise on the economic or social scale. The purpose is to seek a higher station in society based on the powerful partner. The problem with this strategy is that the power is not always transferred to the minority and he or she may be excluded from social circles, especially after divorce. The term Redemptive implies that they need to make-up for the financial or social short-fall in their lives.
- Entitled Dating is that form of interracial dating based on physical or social characteristics. This category is not exclusively to Caucasian women with African-American men, but also includes women of various shades that feel superior to their partners. We see this in ethnic communities when a person with a light complexion would consider dating someone of a darker complexion unacceptable. These individuals are color-struck and would even consider a person for a relationship of a different ethnicity as long as they could either pass a member of that group or fit in. Considerations are commonly race, color, diction, culture, and a host of other subjective issues.
- Resentful Dating is the other form of interracial dating that some people practice where they actually have a disdain for the people within the ethnic group they are dating and use the relationship to purge the demons inside. These relationships are commonly cherry-picked, meaning that the person may be praised for certain things associated with their ethnic group and criticized for other elements.
These are just a few of the variations of interracial dating. As you can see there are patterns and motivations that influence behavior and the treatment of partners. However, if a person is genuinely in love race is a very marginal issue. Interracial couples have to have tough skin and the ability to solely rely on each other for strength with the understanding of the social cost when friends and family may disown them and society may reflect disdain.
Through it all, people will love who they love for whatever reasons or agendas and hopefully they will find happiness in the person instead of skin-color or racial background. In closing a person involved in these relationships must understand they are dating a person and not a community.