Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television

Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television

Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television J A U S A N ® “a private online community since 1995” by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved Santa Clarita, California   For those of you who are unfamiliar with the whole reality television franchise, there is not much missed on these shows despite who produces them. This is not to tear-down Hollywood as a whole industry, but there…

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Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television

Reasons to Keep Your Relationship Away from Reality Television
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the whole reality television franchise, there is not much missed on these shows despite who produces them. This is not to tear-down Hollywood as a whole industry, but there are some elements of it that reflect a low-budget way of exploiting individuals and their relationships for the sake of fame and income. Now, true enough these are grown people making a decision to participate in these franchises. However, there are some things that you should understand before taking your relationship into this maze. I have a few friends that are currently and were formerly on several reality shows who are in sustainable relationships and there is a serious cost they have to shoulder because of it. After chatting with them I formed a list of some of the realities that come from these shows.  Please note that each studio, producer, and contract is different so there is not an industry standard in this regard.

  • The compensation consideration is not that great and in fact expect to wait several years before receiving a substantial living that can afford you to quit your day job. Some franchises may not pay participants, partners, and guests directly, but instead pay a location fee per use at the place of filiming only for the time needed in the show.
  • Depending on the franchise, some will allow you to promote an existing business (with limited exposure) that was established prior to taping the show.  Some may find it difficult to do so after the show starts, again depends on the production company.
  • Usually, the compensation and performance contracts are separate documents that the clearly define each requirements of the performer and terms specifically.  These documents are commonly drafted very carefully so that the most insignificant items are covered.  For instance a performer may wave his or her rights under aperformance contracts in the case of shooting an embarrassing scene such as arguments and confrontations.  By signing over these rights, the performer may have to beg the producers to edit parts, but the one who drafted the contract has the power.  Now, think of the most embarrassing thing that can happen between you and your spouse or partner and it is up to an executive or producer to make a decision that may dictate a social perception of your relationship.  The judgment that the producer has to make is avalue judgment ratings vs. your dignity and respect in the relationship.
  • In some cases the contracts may include anything that you create during that period under contract, meaning for instance if you wrote a song, a book, etc, they may have to sign-off so that you could actually make profits from it or there may  be a co-branding requirement, meaning that the franchise has to be promoted in your work.  We see this many times when books or other items are promoted in some cases.  Other contracts may forbid moon-lighting or other activities to make money outside the franchise without prior approval.
  • Also, in some cases when the franchise is done using couples and individuals they may not and cannot use the show as a call-to-action for their own enterprises without explicit permission to do so.

As you can see there are a lot of considerations to untake before actually signing your relationship up for something in which you have marginal control in managing.  However, there are those that may look at some of the seasoned cast members of these shows parading around Hollywood, but fail to understand the circumstances that they had to manage to get there.  Also, if you noticed addressing the fans, hostiles, and crazies out there was not even mentioned and that is a whole lot of trouble.

Some couples may look at going on these shows as a menas to repair a damaged relationship.  This is the absolute worst thing to do because egos and managing fame will kick in.  The level of social circles will increase along with prettier and more well established people and temptations abound.

Unrelated to reality television per se, after Jennifer Hudson won her Oscar for Dreamgirls a disrespectful reporter asked her a question conveying that she had the Oscar and how would she justify dating an average Joe (in respect to her then current boyfriend).  This was an unfair question that questioned the decision she made in choosing a lover and unfortunately questions like the one asked to her will rise again.  One last note in closing to couples considering such an endeavor, “Is your relationship worth the risk of possibly losing it?”

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Why isn’t my partner changing for me?

Why isn’t my partner changing for me?
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

People sometimes go into faulty relationships under the premise of changing a partner into that desired lover.  You have heard women say “I will need to change this or that about him…”  Unbeknownst to many women and men the “change theory” rarely works because this approach is for children and not adults.  The first mistake is to assume that what you desire is indeed what the partner wants.  Change has to be first internalized  by the partner and not the partner seeking the change.  Secondly, it becomes grossly obvious to a man that manipulation is in play.  This marginalizes the effort to change the person to a personal challenge.  As we men know, when challenged the other party becomes a competitor instead of a partner in this sense.

The competitive spirit puts men into a defiant role and ferments their beliefs and positions.  The obvious agenda for some women is to use an ultimatum especially after marriage.  The thought process is that in order for the relationship to function, terms involving change must be implemented.  Some may even try the ultimatum which is the decision of last resort.

Now men may react differently toward these ultimatums in one of the following manners:

  • Genuinely attempt to change and go along with the request.  This is rare, but does happen under the auspices of love.  However, do not be surprised if he devises an ultimatum for his partner.  In the past I have witnessed these arrangement where the female wants her husband to quit doing or start doing things from in the bed-room to the front yard.  However, one thing that I discovered from interviewing couples is how the ultimatum places a void in the relationship.  A passive-aggressive approach is not out of the question when it comes to responses in the sense, “I will comply, but this qualifies me to seek-out someone without the limitations”.
  •  He may flatly refuse the request and find another woman without having anything else to do with the partner.  These are the no-nonsense guys that may have faced too many ultimatums in the past.  Guys with this disposition may actually change in a way that excludes a demanding partner as a viable mate.
  • Another approach is for a guy to passively-aggressively comply with the request will fostering an agenda to flatten the relationship to nothing more than having a sexual partner and roommate.  In short, he will do just enought for the sex and sexual favors with a lesser than authentic opinion about the partner or relationship.  He will cope with the situation until a better partner comes along.
  • And yet another strategy is the tit-for-tat-trade-off where the woman is expected to make a compromise in exchange.

The one thing that women should understand about changing a man is that not only does the change has to come from him, but it can also be viewed as a power-grab.  More importantly, it can be viewed as a woman treating him like a child.  Now, in any relationship, ther has to be compromise, but it has to be both voluntary and mutually inspired by both parties.  And the absolute worst thing that woman can do is to use sex as a tool to enforce compliance.  Some valid considerations are that a woman may suggest the correction of things that could benefit her partner, in this case such a concern is  valid in the sense of the best interest of the relationship. However, when it comes to addicitions such as porn, drinking, etc. the partner is not a proessional and would be best suited to face the problem with a licensed professional instead of an ultimatum.

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