When Your Partner Does Not Love You Back

Have you ever been in love with some that never loved you back? No matter what you do, this individual will never say it, but support you in a patronizing way.  The best course of action is to stop your pursuit and cope with the situation until you can get out.  This will allow you to detach and break the emotional bond.  It is important to do this in order to save your romantic energy for someone actually worth it.  One routine sequence of human behavior is that your love for this person will restrict your actions to move on with your life.  They may actually use your “love” as an anchor to keep you in the situation by giving morsels of interest.  They want to actually be with someone better than you, but would probably, but not always like to keep you as a fall-back.

Unlike the confused person, these people know exactly what they are doing because they deliberately fail to say the three words “I Love You”, and actually use you for convenience such as sex, a place to stay, or moral support of some sort.  In other words, their agenda is a bout them and no matter how much money you spend, or what they desire, it will ever equal to being good enough.  In fact, they will get to a point of expecting more loyalty from you than they are willing to give and of course being used is part of the process.  They may want to use terms such as having their freedom, wanting to meet other people, or anything else, but if you propose to end the relationship, they are quick to object.  “Why should they ruin a good thing for them?”  One thing to understand about relationships is that when the sex and intimacy stops, a loss of respect is coming shortly and then a proposal for becoming friends.

If your partner cannot say “I Love You.” back to you, then it is time to move on, because you are wasting good energy on a bad situation.  One thing to be mindful about people like this is that they will perpetually seek out others no matter who they are with and fidelity is commonly and issue.  So in retrospect, you are not losing anything being without this person, but gaining your self-respect and saving emotional capital for a better person who can appreciate you.  The premise for this behavior is usually based on a bad past relationship that had nothing to do with you, but you are stilled judged by the legacy.  The fear for them is that he or she is missing out on life and that for some reason the expectation is that a new set of circumstances are better than the one you he or she is currently dealing with in the relationship.  The only thing that changes is that the new relationship sought is not routine and they are not familiar with the work associated with potentially sustaining it.   However, in many cases if things fail to workout, they may try to come back later or at least attempt to have updates on your life.

The main message here is to not allow yourself to become the fool and was time, emotions, and dignity on a pointless relationship.  Having a piece of a relationship is not worth the headache, and remember when the sex dies a good portion of the relationship is dead.


When Love Cannot Fix It

When Love Cannot Fix It
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

As people we seek a great equalizer of sorts such as a deity, or some other being that will take up our cause and work for our welfare in the hopes of getting some sort of redress and acknowledgment for our good-deeds and sacrifice.  We may encapsulate this quest in the form of love in order to protect us from many of life’s realities.  Our goal becomes to insulate ourselves from hurt or disappointment in relationships.  This means using tools such as denial, half-truths, and even the cloak of love to prevent reality from bursting our bubble.

Therefore, even if we are told by friends and family that we have made a bad selection for a mate, our compulsion is to ignore that fact and improvise based on emotional security in the face of logical solutions.  A sense of teaming or bonding takes place between us and our partners to a point that even if and when we discover the reality our instinct is to ignore it in the name of love.

The word love in general is ambiguous and has little universal meaning even though it is defined in dictionaries throughout the world.  The word is powerful enough to have a woman spread her legs, yet deadly enough to for a man to go to prison for in extreme cases.  The interpretation of the word is the variable that changes throughout the ages.  Think about the various religion denominations in the Christian faith, where other franchises were formed due to the elements of the practice that groups accepted and rejected.  This same subjectivity defines where people live in that if a community is considered bad, you may have a St. Louis and East St. Louis as an example.  Love works the same way, it’s value is determined by the person or persons involved.

This imbalance in value for the term is what gets us in trouble when it comes to choosing, defining, and sticking by a mate.  Hoe many times have you fallen in love with someone and the sentiments were not reciprocated and you wound up compensating for that lack of emotional comfort for your mate?  Now, if you really think hard enough, you saw the signs but ignored them.  Most people will spend more time doing research on mortgages and automobile financing that they do in selecting a mate.  The assumption for many is that God. love. etc. will do all of the heavy-lifting so that you are making the right choice.  However, we do not dare allow such faith to prevail when it comes to financing a tangible item with a banker.

One major flaw in most relationships is the fact that people do not read or want to know the facts.  In other words this means reading the emotional sentiments of a partner or even reading the proper documents or articles that could assist in resolving problems within the relationship. However from a macro-view, the evidence is obvious, our self-interest and pride are more important to prove the family and friends wrong about our partners and to remain by their side in the hopes of a better tomorrow.  The sad truth is we become disappointed when the partner expresses lesser interest in us than we do in them and leaves us heart-broken and swearing that we will never love again until finding another candidate.

The biggest problem that many people have is falling too quickly, too much, and too deep in love with someone that may not feel the same way and in turn we superimpose that deficit in our minds promoting a sense of childish make-believe romance where the fantasy trumps the reality.




Why Men Don’t Like Women Screaming in Bed During Sex

     Some guys would never tell a woman to hush while having sex.  Most guys would feel as though if they were to mention the annoyance that it would take the woman out of the mood to continue having sex.  However, there are guys that have been around the block several times and understand the antics of a faker.  Most often the neighbors are annoyed by the loud display and most often guys go through the assortment of noises just to get the sex. This is one reason many guys will hit it and quit it without any follow-up.  Women with lower moans and screams are more appealing, besides it makes the experience seem a bit more genuine,

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California


I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man.  I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post.  Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle.  The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.

I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal.  This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument.  The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women.  So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman.  In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women.  This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.

The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin.  This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group.  The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group.  It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.

The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her  father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact.  Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today.  In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups  based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.

The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group.  I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women.  Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love.  Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women.  There are far more women than men in the population.  However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income.  There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages.  These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.

So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap.  The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like.  What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder.  Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses),  and  even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken.  Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth.  The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.

Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point.  Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life.  There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.