by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
You are in a relationship and for some unknown reason you go to hug your partner and he or she pulls away. Soon-after, the sex stops and your partner is preoccupied with other things such as the computer, hanging out with friends or just going away without telling you as a courtesy. These are usually the first steps to a break-up. In many cases this exercise is done to create distance and do away with emotional attachment. Later the alienation escalates to the point of distinguishing items that are yours and theirs that were once shared by the two of you. If you think about it, this in itself is a selfish move and yes, it gets worse when he or she fails to call or even come home.
These are all symptoms of a dying relationship and of course you may want to talk to him or her and maybe they will agree with you doing most of the talking. By this point the partner has shut-down and may be at the point of either moving out or asking you to do so. Usually, this distance is a measure of self-preservation that only leads to their fulfillment. In many ways the silence is worse than any word that could be uttered. The next phase is the change in attitude and the use of the word “friend” to redefine your role in their lives. Once this occurs you have been demoted from the relationship to an outsider. Think of friend as a term used for someone they have never slept with or dated.
By placing you at this distance, they have dehumanized you to a point of making an objective decision. The premise for such behavior has a lot to do with the perception of missing-out on someone perceived to be better than you. However, the one thing that people may fail to understand is that other people have tolerances like them. For this reason people like myself have a no return and no exchange policy. Think of how many people you have slept with and today they classify you as friend. The larger question is that “Are those friends that he or she introduced you to during the relationship bed-buddies also?” For this reason, people are very suspicious about dating others with a lot of friends of the opposite sex. Guys automatically demote women from prospective wife status when they meet her if she only has male friends. The rationale behind this is that the guys have either slept with her or would like to sleep with her and are hanging around for their chance.
What is at play in these situations is that the person is seizing “power” and therefore attempting to put the other party into a submissive position where he or she will tolerate terms that they construct to sustain the relationship. In some cases it may involve a man telling his woman that another woman in the bedroom is a requirement or a woman telling guy that she wants an open relationship without questions. In any case a person can be used and abused if they comply and there is no leverage to sustain the relationship at the level before.
Social media is usually the culprit for these snap decisions, but not solely to blame in that by communicating online, he or she can place your relationship back where it was before they dated you. A clean slate without the emotional attachment and the ability to seek-out the person that you are not. Yes, the distancing is personal and not based on anything else. You can wear lingerie, show up naked, do every sex act known to humanity and it still would not matter. By this time your partner sees you as an obstacle and breaking up with you or leaving you is the ultimate solution. Therefore, it is best to discover early what is going on and save your emotional capital and leave with the understand that the whole situation is completely terminated. And besides, friends usually outlast lovers and what would you want a past lover as a friend because if he or she was going to be that in your life, you would have established that well before becoming intimate.