Sexy Co-workers

When we think of “Provocative Co-workers”, the first thing that comes to mind is the sultry female or the guy in sales with too much ego trying to impress one of the women on staff.  However, women have one advantage over men in the work-place and that is they can dress in a more physically appealing manner.  Could you imagine a guy showing up at work with trousers so tight that his groin is the focal-point for everyone in the work-place?  When it comes to women, there are some different factors in what they wear and how they wear clothing. Despite ethics and dress-codes, women cannot hide the physical attributes that make them uniquely female.

The problem comes about in the work-place when the women can press the limits when it comes to being on the edge of code.  Most professional women dress appropriately for the work-environment as to not disrupt the work-flow.  However, there are some that care to extend their attention-gathering capabilities from the social circles into the work-place.  The downside is that the physical appeal allows them to gain the attention without having the burden of responsibility when it comes to comments, actions, and reactions for other co-workers.

As a rule of thumb for men in the work-place, leave any sort of gawking and stares at the front-door.  Sexual harassment is one of the leading reasons for men to become terminated on a job and it is almost never worth it.  There are a number of women that actually know better than to wear a very short mini or open-blouse to work, but choose to do so with the caveat, “This is who I am!”.  Yes, it is lame, but there are those that may not quite get the memo that is no way to climb the corporate ladder.

One of the common characteristics is associated with the word loud such as  over-bearing fragrances, plunging necklines, high-hemlines, and bare-legs.  The old argument was that it provokes men to assault women, but the reality is that it causes friction in the work-place, especially among other women that behave professionally.  Men that get too close to these women may suffer from guilt by association which could imply that upon promotion there could be issues placing him in a position go authority based on his lack of judgment.

The provocative co-worker may flirt among staff members, laugh and speak loudly along with ensuring that she remains the focus of attention during meetings and other departmental or company functions. It becomes less about the organizational mission at work and more about their own vanity.  As in every institution that we interact with on a daily basis, we cannot be ourselves 100% of the time.  If you bite your fingernails, there is a high likelihood that you may not do so during a business-meeting with a client.  Therefore, the logic prevails when it comes to dressing for the occasion such as work.

Some of the most common practices are women wearing low-cut or open tops where either the breasts or bra may be visible, mini-skirts without hose or underwear, or tight shorts.  Most often these actions are intentional and places them as a priority over all others.  Also, men should be aware that there are a small group of women out there in work-places across the country prone to filing sexual harassment grievances based on the attention they may or may not receive, thus making it difficult for those that have legitimate claims to be taken seriously initially.  I have witnessed this practice first-hand decades ago when a female employee found a male employee attractive and made it a point to prop her legs on his desk, wearing very provocative clothing despite the warnings from management.  The day she was fired for insubordination, she filed a claim against the gentleman that due to no fault of his own lost his job based on the guilt by association factor much like policies used if two employees brawl.

Thankfully, these women are few in number and most are in entry-level positions and under the age of 35 on average according to some studies extracted from stats filed in states.  Some of the basic practices for men would be to avoid touching any employee unless it is essential for their health or welfare.  Even if the other employee may joke around and or flirt, understand that at any moment it could escalate into something more severe.  Avoid yielding comments about gender or the woman’s attire, despite the temptation to compliment.  Jokes are the quickest way to find yourself broke and unemployed.

If you encounter this type of woman in the work-place document the date, time, and place along with witnesses and ensure that they witnessed what has occurred.  Refrain from any unnecessary dialogue or interactions with them if it is not directly work related.  More professional types already understand what is and is not appropriate.  For guys, your mouth and your hands are the two things that can get you fired in dealing with females.  Whether you are offended or not by the actions she may do or say to you, present your case to a manager or human resources in order to protect yourself before it escalates.  Usually, she will get a warning , but at least you have protected yourself and income.

As a man, you may want to keep things low-key to possibly have a chance at being with her or dating her, but you may want to advise her that the actions are inappropriate first before involving management or human resources.  Remember, that a woman is easier to get than your reputation or money.  And avoid dating this type of woman in the work-place because it is no telling how many other guys like her also and may do something foolish in her honor.  One other common theme among women who do this is to relish in the jealousy among men within the office.  Understand, that by denying the woman seeking your attention for one later that does not have to try so hard is your best bet, because her identity is not just on outward appearances.

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Logic of a Cheating Woman

Logic of a Cheating Woman
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
 

As there are differences between men and women so are various practices including those of infidelity in relationships.  Society gives men passes for such indiscretions, but women are held more accountable due to social norms.  However the motivations may be similar when it comes to infidelity in the sense that it is a selfish act even though some symptoms are empathetic among humans.  A man cheats more out of immediate inconvenience where as a woman does it usually after reviewing the long-term wake of such a decision.

The one thing that men should consider is that when and if a woman cheats, it is commonly something that has been pondered for a while before committing the act.  The premise for a woman to cheat has more to do with emotional neglect more so than a physical need for immediate sexual gratification as in the case with men.  Now, there are those that are impulsive and will act upon compulsions, but not on a grand scale.

Cheating is regularly used as an attention grabber for women in order to retain a certain value as a lady that may have faded in the relationship.  Another view is that women still love to remain sought-after even in a relationship (preferably by her partner).  The sense of feeling unattractive may peak the curiosity for both men and women to see if they still have what it takes to get the person.

In the case of men, they will ride an extra-marital affair until the wheels fall off and accept the challenges if they are or are not caught.  Women on the other-hand usually plan a course of action in the event things go wrong.  This means there is a more comprehensive methodology for their actions to establish a relationship with someone they can trust and someone who is accessible and in a sense exclusive.  Women may go to great lengths such as as having affairs out of town or even meeting others discreetly in strange places to ensure that they are being secretive.   Confidentiality is the word.  Also, it should be noted that if a woman cares to hurt her partner she may deliberately use sloppy tactics to get caught in order to enhance the impact of the trauma.  However, most women rarely go to such an extreme and instead use the affair to regain the emotional strength to assist in fulfilling the void within her.

Infidelity is a totally selfish act by its own merit and therefore people engaging in this practice put themselves first despite the moral implications.  Issues such as disease, pregnancy and other considerations weigh heavy and therefore a particular form of care takes place in selecting a partner outside of the abs and muscles.  One thing that tethers men and women to their primary relationships is the capacity for guilt.  A woman may digest this harsh pill in the framework of her intentions to clearly understand that if caught the relationship is over.  However, when a woman has made the choice to cheat, the act may be more deliberate due to the longer process that leads up to the act.

Another distinction is that a man who cheats expects to be forgiven even though women may be understanding, but not willing to continue.  In some cases it is a relief for the woman when the man cheats to end a bad relationship without fault.  A woman may be less motivated to ask for forgiveness and instead may ask for a divorce.  The male may react to retain the relationship more out of pride in ownership than love.  However this is not the generic case, but a consideration.  Through it all, women have needs as do men and when those needs are neglected there are temptations to stray.

Dealing with a Selfish Partner

Dealing with a Selfish Partner
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

In the beginning of the relationship there is humble bliss and a perceived love.  Soon you discover that accountability takes a priority over all of the goodies that come with a new relationship.  This is your first glimpse of dealing with a selfish partner.  Accountability means blame is shifted to ward you taking up their space, time, and yes even emotions.  These individuals are very self-oriented and they view their partner not as a person with their own defined merits, but one that views the partner as an accessory to their own hyped image.  The partner is viewed as a commodity or place-holder for vanity.  We have seen this with trophy wives and the boy-toys.  The goal is to get what they want, (the person), the purpose is to enhance their own agenda, and the expectations is a limited life-span for the relationship.  In short these people use relationships as an extension of themselves more so than sharing.

There are some fundamental traits that come with these personalities, 1) they are very centric and may attempt to have the answer to every question no matter how complex, 2) they quickly devalue the opinions of others including facts in order to be correct. 3) they may make plans on your behalf without your knowledge such as scheduling dinner engagements without your consent. 4) they value their things over yours and therefore they are quick to underscore  the tangible items they own.  In short, these individuals have a high opinion of themselves (ego) and nothing or no-one can come close.  In fact some may go as far as having a personal GOD Complex.

A person trying to master a situation with people of this caliber is futile and will more than likely result in either being submissive and going along or being assertive and leaving.  This behavior has been practiced over a life-time and one relationship will not modify this behavior because it is more than likely that their partner is perceived as a fan or flunky.

These personalities usually have a high bar to measure and therefore all will fall short no matter the effort.  This practice is nothing more than the carrot and the stick approach.  People who remain in these relationships may wind up with someone who becomes bitter because their popularity may be limited or lost in the broader context.  These are not bad people, they just have bad behaviors. A man’s ego is impressive to some women initially and them becomes more demanding and demeaning as it progresses.  This is the ideal stomping ground for the marginally powered partner to fall into a passive-aggressive or sarcastic state in respect to their partner.

To put it frankly, these relationships are the biggest waste of time on the dating scene that usually result in Negative Equity Relationships (NERS). They value things and themselves alone over people.

The Inferiority Complex & Dating

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iphone 028The Inferiority Complex & Dating
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

There are some distinct characteristics that give people the impression of feeling inferior when it comes to dating. These issues are closely associated with society’s perception of suitability and cultural taste.  Appearance, Education, Ethnicity, Height, Weight, Build, Complexion, Heritage, Social Class, Location, and Religion are the most common criteria for people to use to filter potential partners.  In many cases, complete swatches of the population are overlooked in pursuit of this “perceived more suitable person“.   The rationale behind this theory is that by starting out with more commonalities between partners based on aforementioned  criteria the relationship will experience fewer problems. In theory there is some validity to this argument; however what most fail to realize is that the criteria is only a preliminary qualifier.

The filtering used in the initial stages of dating are the most daunting for those plagued by the inferiority complex in respect to dating. The problem is that many of these people may wrestle with issues such as low self-esteem and a fear of the dating process may enhance those sentiments because of the perceived higher standard that must be met that is set by others.  The commercialization of dating also contributes to this level of uncertainty in the sense that the dating industry constantly features flawless men and women in advertisements.  This imposed pressure adds fuel to the fire in the sense that perfection may be a feasible expectation for a potential partner.

However, in turn some may take it upon themselves to raise their own standards (sometimes based on commercialization, celebrity obsession or some other criteria) in order to 1) feel better about themselves and 2) to make someone else feel the pain of rejection or pressures they have experienced.    The commercial concept is used in this sense “Make you feel worthless until you qualify to use our product or service”.  The same applies to some setting dating criteria in the sense that they would like to project a sense of inferiority until one can measure up to their standards.

This form of projection is futile and childish and in many cases these people wind up alone or stuck in a dating slump.  The high standards will lead to some form of isolation over time.  In essence, people using this disposition don’t feel good enough to compete among others for what they would like to have in their lives so in their dating down-line they raise the requirements and potential suitors may lose interest due to a person over-valuing themselves.

Think of it from this perspective, If you went to purchase a Mercedes that’s roughly about US$70K and you have that amount in cash, but instead you choose to buy two Buicks for US$35K each and then try to resell them both for the price of the Mercedes. The buyer will more than likely only purchase one or neither of the vehicles.  The logic is that the buyer of the Buick seeks a vehicle that is functional and practical to maintain.  The parallel would be a guy or lady choosing a partner based on a more simplified and realistic criteria than one that implies high-maintenance.  The Mercedes on the other hand may sit on the market longer because of its impractical nature for people to afford and maintain.  The price of the two Buicks do not have the perceived value of the single Mercedes and therefore are a more practical purchase.  The parallel is that the Buicks  are those practical singles who have reasonable expectations while the Mercedes may require higher standards , but both vehicles serve the same purpose.

The problem for many singles is that most want to be that Mercedes with the higher standards, even though the practical Buick approach would yield more beneficial results.  The same parallel is true with people in their perceptions of what someone is considered to be worth in emotional capitalFor this reason people have dating preferences to promote a personal agenda and their own personal interest. The problem with using the example for some as a rule of thumb is that people remain ignorant about the individuals that may be best suited for them who may or may not meet the criteria or be the Mercedes. “How many times have you heard people say that they have settled for someone?” This is a clear statement that tells you that apparently a person got who they could get (Buick) instead of who they wanted (Mercedes). Statements like these are what most people try to avoid in relationships. However in this case they either could not sell both of the Buicks metaphorically or the Mercedes.

One thing should be clearly noted that all dating situations have a down-line, meaning that as you pursue someone, someone is or may be potentially pursuing you, and the person you are pursuing is pursuing someone else. We rarely think about this, but the majority of emotions are internalized and therefore we see the actions of individuals, it is only the tip of the iceberg when it some to what they are thinking. The guy who takes a lady to dinner may think far beyond the bedroom as the lady may think far beyond children. The tentative state is where objectivity and doubt prevail as it should, but if it becomes the norm in a relationship eventually it morphs into resentment. This resentment leads to statements such as “I married beneath myself…”. This is the argument that is commonly used to ensure that the partner remains in the relationship and that the inferiority complex stays in his or her place. Sometimes children, divorce, debt, or extra-marital affairs are used as extortion tools to enforce compliance.

In short it comes down to avoiding your inferiority complex to become a weakness that is open to exploitation. You should retain that personal value for yourself first without expecting validation from others that could be in worse shape than yourself. Be mindful to not fall into the loop of over-valuation in the sense that you are too good for someone and over-look an opportunity to advance your life forward in stead of being alone or worse in a relationship where you believe you could have done better.

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