Qualifiers for Cheaters on the Dating Scene

There are two fundamental terms that singles must become familiar with prior to hitting the dating scene “I’m a little married” and “I’m married but looking”.  These two terms are qualifiers for those who are ready to cheat on their partner or spouse.  It is about 50/50 when it comes to the gender of the person that will use this pseudo-cute cliché’.  The single person needs to keep in mind that by using this qualifier he or she does not feel fully obligated to his or her spouse.  This means that there is a good possibility that the marriage serves a less important purpose for him or her.  On the other-hand, this also implies that if you are approached by someone using this qualifier, you are not a priority to them either when compared with their own self-interest.

As mentioned in my blogs and articles before, cheating is a selfish act and therefore the individual is more concerned about his or her welfare first and the others fall in line after the fact.  These individuals are usually trying to avoid domestic troubles at home from a lack in communications in the marriage or relationship and ready to leave with one foot outside the marriage and the other inside it as a mere place-holder.  Rarely do these individuals take meeting a single person on the dating scene seriously.  In fact, it is not uncommon for them to disclose their marital status up-front.  The rationale behind this is to establish that they are seeking satisfaction for the moment and reveal that they are married as a stop-gap measure to avoid any further pursuit of a relationship.  They may take it from flirtation to sexual encounters.  This has more to do with power than anything else.  Most often these individuals want to see if they still have what it takes to get an outsider to want them.  The benefit for him or her is to stroke the ego and to flaunt it in the face of a spouse or partner as leverage in the relationship.

There are some people that do this solely for the purpose of lifting low self-esteem through this form of attention. However, the primary uses of the two terms is to create an incentive for the individual to compete against the spouse or partner at that time for their attention and to feel important.

Advertisements

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation

Study on Sexual Devices & Masturbation
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

According to two 2009 Indiana University studies from participants that included national representative samples of American adult gay and straight men and women revealed that during sexual intercourse, vibrator use was a normal activity. The studies also revealed that about 53% of women and 45% of men between the ages of 18 to 60 used sexual devices to sustain or enhance their sexual activities in relationships.

Some other findings from the studies revealed that 1 in 4 of the participants had used a vibrator in the past month.  Also, 70% of the women admitted that they failed to have any adverse physical side-effects from the use of vibrators.  A minor number of complains were reported that expressed temporary skin irritation, genital numbness, and inflammation of genitalia.

Some men used the vibrator for testicular exams. One surprising finding was that men scored higher in regards to stimulation, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic functions, and sexual desires than women in some instances. Even though this is a small sampling maybe too small to set policies, laws etc., it can be said that sexual devices such as vibrators are not just for lonely women anymore. However, the use of vibrators by women remains a discreet issue that only some women care to admit publicly to members outside of their own gender.  As a foot note Japanese, South Korean, and Chinese women purchase more of these devices than any other population of females in the world.

Masturbation in the United States has been a controversial subject especially when it comes to religious considerations. Today the act is becoming more entrenched in the American culture as movies often reference the practice and recording artists go through    the motions on stage. The taboo nature of the practice still makes some people uncomfortable even though most people begin masturbating in their teen-age years at an estimated 72% according to some accounts.

Both men and women masturbate to discharge stored energy that may be attributed to stress or some other factor associated with hormones. The striking difference between the genders is that men may masturbate to a form of media where as a women may use her imagination more so to reach orgasm. However, it should be noted that according to the studies,  most women would prefer having sex with a real person even though a few preferred self stimulation only for sexual needs.

But there are problems with those women that become accustomed to being alone and masturbating. They have a tendency to create a habit or sexual expectation for the stimulation. This means that they may find themselves having sex with a male or female partner and fall short of orgasm without the stimulation of the device or their own masturbatory practice.

This has caused problems for certain women with their partners from the perspective of their lover failing to achieve the desired goal of making the female orgasm. The one major issue for women while masturbating is the envisioned fantasy that puts them in a place to fully enjoy the moment. Very few of them are like men that can look at a person’ s body and within seconds be finished with a sweaty sock.

Women have sex in layers like peeling an onion until reaching the core. For men sex is most often an act, for women it is most often a process. Some men are immediately intimidated when dating a woman and finding out that she has an array of pleasure toys. The size of the toys are commonly the most intimidating for some guys when comparing their appendages. Some perceive themselves as a gimp when it comes to pleasing a woman with a device. However, women that reveal to their men for the first time that they have toys run the risk of running them off or making them ready to work with her. For this reason most women keep this situation a secret until later, meaning instead of getting rid of the device they place them in storage just in case the guy is lousy in bed. There is a vast array of these devices on the market  and prices continue to rise as demand increases.

Women have parties that display the newest and latest devices in efforts to rekindle relationships with husbands and boyfriends, or finding the best device to complete the job. No matter what gender, masturbation is a lonely act that is more self-serving than anything else because the person doing it knows the spot, angle, and speed to satisfy his or her desire. Some people are diametrically opposed to the use of devices not necessarily on moral grounds, but on the premise of self-esteem. The objective mind may be repulsed by an object without feeling or emotion being allowed into places that warrant warm flesh. This is a valid argument, but as women age and find it harder to have sexual desires met with a model with six-pack abs, playing it safe in the comfort of one’s domain eliminates the threats of sexually transmitted disease, the potential for becoming pregnant while fulfilling sexual needs until the right man or woman arrives.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Study: American Daters Prefer Personality Over Money

English: Spencer and Melissa, before they star...
English: Spencer and Melissa, before they started dating. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Study: American Daters Prefer Personality Over Money (via Memoirs of a Single Dad)

Who do you think should pay on dates?  Does money matter to you when dating?  What are your thoughts on this article?  We’d love to hear your feedback! If being jobless is preventing you from asking a girl out on a date, think again. A 2011 survey on American singles revealed that 50 percent of…

Continue reading “Study: American Daters Prefer Personality Over Money”

The Expressive Woman & Sexual Appeal

4YAB8rbThe Expressive Woman & Sexual Appeal
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

I have heard the argument too many times by women who scrutinize other women for flaunting their sexuality.  The long-held traditions for women has been to marginalize her voice, opinions, and beliefs to only things pertaining to hearth and home.  Prior to the 21st Century it was expected and acceptable for a horny woman to masturbate her desires away discreetly in the privacy of the boudoir or bathroom.

Her sexuality was viewed as a taboo topic that was relegated to her husband or man rolling atop her, ejaculating and falling asleep with the sexually frustrated woman left to her own devices. In fact, many women faked the orgasms, and even lied to their husbands about their sexual fulfillment.  Since this period women have matured, in the socially expressive sense to find little shame in fulfilling their needs with or without a man.

The woman that is highly appealing to men when it comes to expressing sexuality is that female that explicitly states what she wants firmly and without the shyness and uncertainty of the past. This personality trait is especially attractive to African-American men when it comes to Caucasian women according to an informal discussion forum titled “What Types of Women Turn You On & Why?“. The participation and responses were very diverse without the usual barbs. Women within that discussion group were asked “Are There Certain Things That You would do with or for One Type of Man Over Another?” The answers lead to a very spirited exchange. Several realities were revealed 1) Some minority women placed a high premium on oral sex based on certain factors. 2) Caucasian women in the discussion group viewed it as not such a big deal. 3) There was one thing that crossed all color-lines, the guys in the group preferred women who were expressive, provocative, and more in-your-face, but in a good way.

More specifically, the men explained that they liked a woman who would do all of the dirty things society frowns upon.” One particular gentleman stated that he was not married because he sought a woman who would be bold enough to do something to make him blush. The guys were more reserved, but the women were far more forth-coming.

“Jennifer T. from Denver ” laid the framework that started the controversy. “If I see a guy that I really want to sleep with, I have no problem reaching under my skirt and pulling off my panties in front of him.” Well needless to say, the women thought of her as a w garden tool initially until other women understood her rationale.

Jennifer’s argument wasn’t about attention or anything of that nature, she wanted to have sex and without literally saying “Fuck Me!” she acted on the sentiments.  The modern woman has gone beyond implications and is more likely to openly tell a guy what she wants.  The one thing that many of the women across the board said they would do to attract a man is to not wear panties under short dresses.  To my shock, I learned from some of the married and divorced women that some of them go out to clubs in groups, carefully opening their thighs ever so slightly to the suitor they prefer.  I asked the obvious question “Why?” and almost in unison they responded that some men have no problem grabbing their penises, so this is our answer.

When asked in more detail about the issues of minority women having a hierarchy of sorts in respect to men. And one of the women aptly broke it down “Caucasian men require oral sex and minority men only deserve it based on income, social status, and or they are in a long-term relationship. In short the African-American women within the group agreed that the man would have to be exceptional for oral or anal sex. However when the question was asked to this informal body of 20 men and 25 women of various backgrounds, the question was asked, “Ladies Would You Treat a Caucasian Man Better than any Minority Male?” The result shocked everyone, only five women answered No. The rest gad no shame expressing that African-American men was the choice of last resort.

One of the male participants asked “Why?” and this question opened Pandora’s Box. Many hurtful things were exchanged out of frustration, anger and disdain, but on thing was abundantly clear, the days of African-American women waiting around the Mr. Right who happens to be black are over. Another surprising observation was the topics of other conversations. One female participant admitted that a turn-on for her was to instruct a man to do her the right way. But one thing was clear for the group observation, the women were proud to express thier sexual desires openly and the guys appreciated their kandor. One interesti foot-note, the women polled only registered 51.5% favor women being sexually provocative. Men did better at 97% in favor.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Women and Marriage in 2012

Marriage Day
Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Jausan
“Women and Marriage
Editor-in-Chief
Romance Referee ™
Santa Clarita, CA, USA

There are a persistent number of women that actually have no intention to marry unlike in the past.  In many ways some women view marriage as a burden of sorts.  The perception is that not only would another person in their lives is a liability, but also view the reality of being single has more to do with personal independence than anything else.  Decades ago when this trend was popular in the 1980’s among men, the perception was that men were being selfish.  This trend at the time bucked the tradition of men seeking wives.  Now, during the 1990’s the trend was slightly reversed and this could be attributed to the state of he economy at the time.

However,since The Great Recession of 2008 the trend had declined in 2010 according to the United States Census about 50.7%of American men and women are married either with spouse present or absent.  Even though the current number of married couples out-number those unmarried means that the popularity of marriage is in decline.  There are no solid numbers to comprehend the number of couples that actually divorced or separated due to the crisis.  Quantitatively, there are implications that the popularity remaining single among women is becoming more of a reality.

In some ways this may be the first generation of American women that have grown out of the fantasy that has been perpetuated throughout the decades.  There are some reasons for this change because more women are independent and due to the economic shift many women are bread-winners.  Also, there are a large number of women that are continuing to college and vocational schools to make more money which continues to discourage them from marry a man solely due to economic gain.  In some circles women would not consider marriage to anyone unless their partner is a millionaire.  Even though that is an extreme measure, the needy financial woman is gradually becoming a thing of the past.

Another result of this trend is the casual nature of sexual relations in that men are taking on a more functional role much like men used to do with women by objectification.  “What does this mean?” This will means a totally different family structure and slower population growth within the nuclear family.  In fact, as these states wrestle with same-sex marriage legislation, those men and women that use to sustain artificial heterosexual relationships will no longer play a role that impacts the lives of others along with their own.

African-American women is one group hit the hardest with a bubble of single women that have never been married in places like Atlanta, Detroit, New York, and Los Angeles where many of them between their late twenties through their mid-forties.  Some are of course following a new trend of dating Caucasian men, however according to many of the informal dating statistics the marital-rate remains considerably lower compared to the marital activity of African-American men with Caucasian women.  The reality according to the data from the Census is that there are 600,000 more single African-American women than men in population with at least a bachelor degrees.  And there are one million more women within that group actively in the work-force compared to men.  This difference is significant because out of all of the groups in the population African-Americans have this imbalance and had it before in 1980.  The economic implications are that when a recession occurs as it did in 1980 and 2008, African-American men are seriously impacted by job displacement that not only hits them economically, but also make them far more less desirable to African-American females.

It should be also observed that Caucasians, Asians, and Hispanics (Latinos) are not experiencing similar trends as with African-Americans. There are still women in the dating pipe-line who are bound to traditions that means men must be the bread-winner along with high standards.  The problem is that as these women age many of them have the perception that they have the same romantic value as they did when they were younger.  In a broad context, they are gravely mistaken when it comes to assessing their romantic value while retaining higher standards for a mate than they themselves can deliver.  This is much like the fat woman who expects to land a guy with ripped abs.  The problem in these instances is that their personal self-worth is projected on others and they falsely fall under the impression that the same value is perceived and accepted by the other party.

The growing trend now is to expand on freedom and independence first and then look at feeding the emotional aspects in one’s life later while having objectified sex in the interim.  This modern single woman in her twenties is more of a realist and less of a fantasy-driven princess.  Even though there are some around, the growing number of women are growing up with resources and information to avoid being stuck in bad marriages. The unfortunate aspect is that the women who fail to do this may find themselves in under-performing relationships.  In essence, love can cure certain ills in a marriage, but the modern woman of today has more of a macro-view of the relationship and what it takes to sustain them.

Men like myself have used the argument in respect to the benefit of marriage.  The reality is that marriage is a liability for men in many cases in that they are responsible for paying a perpetual debt for the wife and children.  The advent of the two income household over the past 50 years has now culminated in generations of children understanding that struggling parents are not the ideal representation of living.  This is very obvious now as 98% of the United States population makes less than US$250,000.  Today many young men and women seek to pursue higher incomes independently.  The glamor from reality shows and the like may also play a small part in this desire for independence with many of the shows scrambling to find healthy relationships to represent show franchises.

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women

The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California

 

I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man.  I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post.  Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle.  The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.

I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal.  This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument.  The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women.  So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman.  In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women.  This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.

The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin.  This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group.  The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group.  It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.

The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her  father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact.  Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today.  In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups  based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.

The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group.  I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women.  Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love.  Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women.  There are far more women than men in the population.  However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income.  There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages.  These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.

So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap.  The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like.  What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder.  Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses),  and  even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken.  Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth.  The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.

Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point.  Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life.  There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.