The Silent Anger between Black Men and Women
J A U S A N ®
“a private online community since 1995”
by Jausan | © 2014 All Rights Reserved
Santa Clarita, California
I have received a considerable amount of email from African-American women complaining about not being able to find a good black man. I knew the answer to this issue immediately so instead of responding to multiple emails, I decided to make this post. Here is the deal ladies, there are a lot of African-American men that are still carrying a silent anger toward African-American women that does not equate to the hatred of a racist as in the history of America, but something a bit more subtle. The guys that were dissed as far back as in elementary school in some cases carry this disposition into their adult lives, especially if they are treated the same by the females within the house-hold.
I have also heard from African-American women with this same disposition toward black men, but in many cases it involved some sort of abuse beyond verbal abuse. However, in the case of men, the abuse was far more verbal. This topic is rarely spoken about until I receive emails from black women complaining about the who no good black men argument. The reason that many of these guys date women of other races that have had bad experiences with African-American women is a way of protecting themselves and the feelings of black women. So many times black women wonder why Caucasian, Asian, or Latin women are treated better by black men than they would treat an African-American woman. In the minds of some men they honestly believe that other women are more deserving than African-American women. This is a very hard pill to swallow for many African-American women. However there are many African-American women that hold the same sentiments toward black men as well treating men of other ethnicities better based on race.
The distinction is that in the case of African-American men and women it is more of a disconnect based on experiences more so than stereo-types related to texture of hair, color of eyes and skin. This disconnect is based on the perceived betrayal of those within their own ethnic group. The problem for most has to do with the application of external stereo-typical and racial demoralizing comments that are applied to people within their own ethnic group. It should also be noted that this occurs in every ethnic group throughout the world because it is based on the way people treat each other within the same group.
The angry mother that talks to her young impressionable son or daughter about how worthless his or her father is may have a lasting impact. Whether it is true or not, the fact remains that the child was exposed to this disposition and therefore could have a lasting impact. Now, if these people grow up with a continuing trend f failures that do not counter the initial impressions, you will see what we see today. In some cases these people will actually accept exploitation by other groups based on stereo-types and would not consider being degraded in such a way by their own.
The bottom line is that at some point these people were rejected in some way by members of their own ethnic group and personalized it to a point to avoid a dependency and interaction within their own group. I know of at least 200 African-American males that do not date, or even consider African-American women. Also, I am familiar with several hundred women who do not and would not consider African-American men in their own ethnic group for dating, romance, and love. Once again, this is found in all ethnicities, but the problem with African-Americans is due to a 600,000 person gap according to the last U.S. Census between men and women. There are far more women than men in the population. However, there are other criteria that must be considered such as income. There are African-American men and women that base their preference to date outside of their own race based on purely economic and social advantages. These individuals are more focused on the earning capacity of individuals and therefore African-Americans as a whole are not known for wealth, but individually entertainers, athletes, and others are distinguished.
So as you can see there are a host of issues that has caused this widening gap. The whole situation regarding ethnic groups when it comes to this issue is based largely on social and economic value in comparison to Western European values for beauty, wealth, status, class, and the like. What this leads to is a stratification of ethnic groups at various levels of acceptance by main-stream society with African-Americans being placed at the bottom rung of the ladder. Therefore, within that group there is stratification based on skin-color )i.e. high-yellow, red-bone), hair texture (Indian hair weaves), eye-color (contact lenses), and even down to the diction and dialect of English or language spoken. Yet there are others within the group that are comfortable with the attributes given them by birth. The reality is that no matter the social value acquired within the specific ethnic group, in comparison to the main-stream they are tolerable, but not acceptable as a norm.
Now this diversion ay be based on past experiences of being teased for being too dark, having nappy hair, or just being called ugly at some point. Due to the African-American physical features the changes are more pronounced and therefore something that brings on more attention also brings on more criticism. No matter what ethnicity you are, the way you treat someone in their younger stages in life may determine their adult life. There are some who blow through the negativity and continue their lives, but there are others that consistently carry that silent anger.